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Body Shaming and Online Dating

Reconstructing Beauty

While the beauty, fashion and entertainment industries make big money on selling the newest standards of beauty and physical appeal, we as a society are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with our appearances. We are feeling more self-conscious, more deficient and even less beautiful. Why?

Because we’re being told—implicitly or explicitly— that we are not enough. We’re not good enough, thin enough, or attractive enough; that our skin does not look young or light enough. We are always broken, blemished, or scarred, and we need fixing. There is always a new standard or method for enhancing everything from our skin, hair, lips and nails, to almost every inch of our body—and it’s impossible to keep up. So many succumb to society’s pressure to conform, and they go to great lengths to surgically alter their bodies, inject foreign objects in them, starve themselves or follow strict diets or exercise programs—all in an effort to look more beautiful and desirable.

Islam encourages outward beauty, cleanliness and beautiful dress. We adorn our bodies with nice clothes and maintain good hygiene because this is what God loves. We also do our best to eat healthy and stay fit because our bodies are an amanah (trust) from God, and because better health gives us more energy to serve God and society better. These are all admirable efforts, when done moderately. What I am addressing here is how we view the natural physical form of our bodies; what we were born with or what developed over time because of genetic influences.

It is important to remember that God is our Maker—He made you the way you are—your unique colour, shape, hair and facial features. In His eyes, you are beautiful—no matter what society says. He says,

Surely, we have created the human being in the finest stature.” Qur’an | 95:4

He fashioned you in your mother’s womb, brought you into this world knowing nothing, and then beautified your heart and mind with faith, wisdom and intelligence. Even before you were born, He honoured you; He created your father, Adam, with His Own Blessed Two Hands, breathed His spirit into him, and made the Angels prostrate to him out of respect.

Throughout your life, He showers you with beautiful gifts; He provides you with experiences that inspire you, teach you, and make you feel joy, connectedness and love towards Him and others. He gives you a lifetime to invest in the beauty of the Eternal life with gorgeous homes, companions, flowing rivers, and blessings that you cannot even imagine. Now, who could dare touch your feelings of self-worth after that?

Underneath the superficial layers of different physical features, skin colours and types of dress, all of us have hearts and souls that long and plead for the same deep connection with their Creator. As Ibn Al-Qayyim (may God have mercy on him) says,

“Truly, in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of God; and in it there is a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing God and being true to Him; and in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and turning to Him and always remembering Him; and if a person were given the entire world and what is in it, it would never fill that emptiness.”

So no matter how much we alter and reshape our physical form, it will not fill the void in our hearts that is reserved for God. When we follow our desires and the ever-changing whims of creation, we chain our souls down to the lowly, fleeting life—and away from God. But when we connect our hearts and minds to the Eternally Permanent One, Al-Baqi, our souls are freer to draw closer to Him. Reflect for a moment on this hadith (narration) of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him):

“Prayer is light; charity is a proof, patience is illumination; and the Qur’an is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his/her day and is a vendor of his/her soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin.” [Muslim]

When our souls are liberated, we see Reality for what it really is; that physical beauty fades, and that the beauty and light of our faith, character and actions are what bring us true bliss and deeply satisfying relationships in this life, along with a more permanent relationship with God and eternal bliss and in the Hereafter. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ would supplicate,

“O Allah, as You have made my appearance beautiful, make my character beautiful,” (Allahumma anta hassanta khalqi fa hassin khuluqi)

Beautiful character is in sincere intentions, in our positive attitude, and in a graceful smile. It’s in showing abundant gratitude and forgiveness, in overlooking people’s faults, in giving generously of your love and time to support others, and in treating people with respect, mercy and gentleness. As Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,

“Gentleness is not in something except that it adorns it, and it is not stripped from something except that it ruins it.” [Muslim]

So, rather than striving to perfect a body that will, one day, end up covered in dirt, how about we turn to what truly matters? Instead of facelifts and breast enhancements, perhaps we ought to focus more on uplifting our faith and morality; and instead of dwelling over fat layers and contemplating liposuction, we might want to work on suctioning the arrogance, pride and anger from our hearts; and instead of eyelid surgeries—yes, those exist—we would prosper more if we considered the virtues of lowering our gazes and turning our faces and hearts toward God’s light and guidance. These are the changes that yield the most beautiful, long-lasting effects in this life and the Next.

“So direct your face toward the religion, with pure faith. This is the natural disposition God instilled in mankind—there is no altering God’s creation. This is the upright religion, though most people do not realize it.” Qur’an | 30:30

We recently received a message from a muzmatch user about body image and body shaming. If you would like to write for us, email us: marketing@muzmatch.com

Subject: Body Shaming and Online Dating
Salaam,
My experience: I hit it off great with this guy. He and I had a good thing going. We met in person, everything was great. Until he began ignoring me. After a race to talk to him, during the conversation it was deduced that it was my thin figure that was the ‘problem’. I even got the classic it’s not you, it’s me.
I felt awful about myself, like I wasn’t good enough. After a lot of tears and pep talks, I learned that this guy was right about one thing: it’s not me, it really is him. A huge lesson I learnt: whether you’re a guy or a girl, don’t ever let someone bring you down to the point where they are making you question your worth and value. Allah (swt) created all of us in different shapes and forms. Nobody is perfect.

It may sound cliche, but what matters on the inside goes a longer way than what is on the outside because as time goes on, we’re all going to change externally. It’s called life.

But just remember – Allah has created us in pairs. We will all find that right person insha’Allah. Sometimes it’s a struggle and feelings get hurt, but in the end when we find the right person, we will be grateful for past relationships not working out. And if you’re reading this and nobody has told you: you are beautiful whether you’re short, tall, thick, thin, dark, pale. And if someone thinks otherwise, then they are not for you!

Source of inspiration for this article: Virtual Mosque

3 months ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

Wedding Bliss in Canada 🇨🇦 #muzmatchsuccess

Well, to sum up both of us is hard. We were both born in 1988, so I think this made it easier for us to communicate as we had lots in common. We both found out that we really really wanted to settle down and start investing in the future.

Hadrami & Tara

I can’t really explain it...it was just meant to be!

We literally did katb al-kitāb and wedding ceremony in two weeks. I had my henna prepped in one week and the wedding the next.  

We were going to wait but why?

We knew we were meant to be. We had the means to pull it off and thank God we did because now we have a baby girl coming soon.

I just felt bad for my mom because she wanted the big extravagant Arabic wedding, but because of the short notice, only 60 people showed up to the wedding. We still danced the night away and ate lots of food.

1 day ago

Should I get muzmatch Premium?

On average, muzmatch users find their future spouse in just 6 months - and that's using the free service. Not bad, right? However, on Premium, you are far more likely to find your partner sooner. Here's why.

muzmatch Premium makes you stand out from the crowd and helps you find your perfect partner with a collection of exclusive, powerful features.

As you Swipe and Match, profiles will also be badged so you know exactly which Premium feature you benefited from:

Unlimited Swipes

Do you often hit the daily swipe limit ⏰, but wonder what if your future spouse was only one more swipe away? Well stop imagining and get swiping!

With Unlimited Swipes there's no timers or waiting. You can Swipe to your heart's content.

PROS:

  • Unlimited Swiping increases your chances of finding a match.
  • You're opening your heart to more possibilities and choices.

CONS:

  • Make sure you keep your swiping speed in check. 🏎 Although you can have unlimited swipes, do ensure each profile is fully considered, after all this isn't a game - marriage is serious!

💰 Daily Instant Matches

Time is ticking ⏰ so why wait to message the one who caught your eye 😍 when you can Instant Match them for free!

On Premium, you get one FREE INSTANT MATCH DAILY!⚡You never know who could be the one.

Remember, it is always free to Match and Chat if both members Like each other, but Instant Match (clue is in the name) lets you do this instantly - before they like you back! Be sure to use it - as the daily Instant Match expires.

PROS:

  • What if the one you like matches with someone else first before they get a chance to see your profile? Don't leave your future to chance and miss the opportunity to beat out the competition! 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️
  • Break the ice ⛏ and get a chance to sell yourself better before they cross ❌ your profile.
  • Making the first move can be seen as being bold and brave! #browniepoints

🔍 Preferences

Meet your ideal Muslim spouse with enhanced Filtering! 🔍

On Premium, you can find a spouse with YOUR IDEAL: height, career, education, prayer level and more! 📏👨‍🚒📿

Choose the height, marriage plans, Islamic dress, career, education, photo privacy, prayer level, religiosity, and more in Discover. Once set, every profile you see will show a 'percentage match' - showing how closely aligned your filters are with the profile.

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  • Make informed choices.
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  • Increasing your filters limits your options. You'd be surprised who you might be compatible with if you widen your filters.

Widening your filters = widening your horizons.

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Don't want to see blurred profiles in Discover? 🙅‍♀️ We listened to your feedback and now you can Filter them away.🧞‍♂️

You can now find profiles ONLY with visible photos. 📸 Save time swiping through profiles by filtering out those members with Private Photos.

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🔀 Unlimited Changes

With Unlimited Change Swipes you can change a Pass to a Like and vice versa.

✅ = ❌
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You can also Unblock someone for free. We've got your back when you think you've made a hasty decision or a mistake.

We've heard numerous stories of people finding success thanks to this feature.

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Make sure your profile beats the other competition by getting more exposure!

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🥇 Monthly Reset Swipes

See and be seen again. Every month you can now reset your entire swipe history that did not result in a Match.

We want to give you the very best chances of being seen and getting a match. With Monthly Reset Swipes, you get a chance to freshen up your profile and try again.

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Stand out from the crowd with a VIP badge on your profile. You can hide this if you wish by toggling the option in the Premium menu.

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Don't forget, you don't have to turn all these great features on all at once! You can toggle them on/off in your settings.

👍 Support us

Be part of our journey and vision. muzmatch is more than just an app, it is revolutionalising how Muslims marry. muzmatch is breaking ancient cultural traditions of matchmaking and paving a way for Muslims to engage in modern practices without compromising their deeply held beliefs. With 1.8 billion Muslims in the world, our goal is to unite the hearts and minds of our brothers and sisters in their journey of finding a life partner.

To purchase go to Menu → Get Premium and SAVE with 6 or 12 month subscriptions.

3 days ago

Becoming Nikkah-Ready, Inside And Out

By Jennifer Dawson

So you’ve found the love of your life thanks to muzmatch, and set the date for your Nikkah. For many people, the next step is choosing their wedding outfit. This is often a large part of the wedding budget, with some British sisters spending up to £4,000 on their dress, suit or lehenga.

As soon as the outfit planning begins, insecurities appear; for both the bride and the groom, being the focus of attention can feel daunting, and the pressure to look "perfect" can feel overwhelming. It’s important to remember that God is our Maker; he has made you beautiful simply as you are, but it’s also natural to want to be healthy and prepared for your wedding and the start of your marriage.  Here’s how to achieve this balance.

Photo by Ramiz Dedaković / Unsplash

Love Your Heart

A recent study of Muslim women in the US suggested that Muslim women may be less physically active than others for a variety of reasons.  A lack of cardiovascular exercise can make you more prone to obesity, heart disease or high blood pressure. It’s not just about looking lovely in your lehenga; a pre-wedding workout routine can set you up to be fit and healthy for a long and happy life. You can increase your heart rate through activities such as brisk walking or attending a spinning class without feeling embarrassed or immodest; spinning is also low impact, which reduces your risk of injuries in the run up to the big day.

Stand Tall

Across the world, back pain is the single leading cause of disability, and it’s often caused by poor posture. Even if you don’t currently experience any problems, it’s always worth strengthening and building your core muscles and practising correct posture in order to prevent problems.  This can be particularly important in the future, if you are blessed with children. Pregnancy, labor and carrying small children can have a significant impact on your spine, so make it strong from now with pilates or yoga. As a bonus, these activities will also help you to stand beautifully straight on your wedding day and look even more poised and confident.

Photo by Steve Halama / Unsplash

A Beautiful Mind

In all the excitement of wedding preparations, it can become easy to feel stressed and to lose sight of God’s role in your journey. Part of your pre-wedding focus should therefore be on preparing your mind through prayer, meditation and mindfulness, in order to regain your balance and enter into marriage in the right spirit. Yoga classes and meditation apps are good for this, but so is spending time in nature; studies suggest that even just taking a walk in a green space can boost your immune system, improve your memory and make you feel happier. Just what you need when the wedding admin is piling up and you need to remember which family member should sit where!

Preparing for your wedding is such an exciting and busy time, but it’s important to carve out opportunities to look after your health and fitness too. Not only can this help you to lose weight, tone up and look great on the day, but it can also improve your long-term heart health, protect your spine and calm your mind. Even better, it’ll give you plenty of stamina to dance well into the night as you celebrate with your loved ones and new spouse.

15 days ago