Don't lose hope!
I've been on and off muzmatch for years. I live in Slovakia and the Muslim community is really tiny - the chances to get married here are close to zero!
After widening my filters, I matched with Mohamed on muzmatch in May, and we hit it off instantly.
We began talking regularly, and he purchased a ticket to visit me in Slovakia.
We had our nikaah in August, alhamdulilah. This is a photo of us from our first trip together as husband and wife, we visited Vienna. We are now planning our civil wedding!
Written by Zahra Zereskh
There's a reason why the saying, 'you have to kiss* a hundred frogs to find your prince' is as old as time. Apps haven't changed anything. Sorry. Finding the one is like finding a needle in a digital haystack, but here's a guide to help you cut through the bullsh*t and F-boys.
*please note this is a metaphor - it's haram to kiss frogs.
Of course, at some point you'll want to eventually progress to voice/video calls to get to know each other more before you first meet. However - if you just matched with him and he asks for your number right after 'hey' or 'how are you?' - this is a RED FLAG. Usually guys who want to get your digits asap, want to get something else asap too.
You wouldn't give your number to a stranger in the 'real world', why would you on an app?
Another boundary violation! I once had a guy call me (yes I didn't follow above rule) at 11pm - I declined and texted him 'it's too late to contact me.' He said I was a 'crazy b*tch' and blocked me. Why, thank you.
If you ever receive a text/call when its your bedtime (e.g. 'hey') - this is a straight-up booty-call. A pathetic way of asking for sexual activity. Do not have wishful thinking about this. Sisters, you are more than a play thing! You deserve better than this. You are worthy of respect and honour.
Sometimes not being able to take a 'joke' is okay - especially if you're the butt of it. There's a weird dance in dating that some people play - whereby the female acts like they're not interested, but they are, but don't show it, but deep down they're a softy and love the romantic cheesy stuff (but won't ever admit it). However, the guy is usually just an arsehole and likes being mean, by poking fun at you, but we mistakenly misinterpret his 'jokes' as playful and endearing. RED FLAG. If you find yourself engaging in banter with someone who seems too cool for dating, is a 'complex' person you can't figure out - tap him away. No one has time for games. There's no shame in finding someone to marry - muzmatch is a marriage app after all. Stop being coy. Don't try to win him over, let him win you over.
Now this sub-specie of F-boy is dangerous. Be warned - they're easy to fall for because they exploit good-natured people by always playing the victim-card. This guy might come across as shy and has some sob story about how he was always unlucky in life, his parents got divorced, he was never hugged as a baby - blah blah blah. This guy is always feeling sorry for himself (we all have problems but don't go around telling strangers). By confiding his problems in you, you naively think 'he must really like me for him to open up with me' - WRONG. He will seduce women because he’s ‘troubled’ and he'll feign interest about wanting intimacy, but once he gets what he wants from you (be it attention, gifts, haram stuff), he starts managing down expectations and distancing himself away because he’s ‘scared of getting hurt’. This guy thinks he gets a free-pass to mistreat you because he doesn't know better. Nothing is ever this F-boy's fault, he is always the victim and is just so ‘misunderstood’.
Exposing your troubles and difficulties in life should come after you've gained trust not before. Don't try to be a fixer.
Now, this should be pretty self-explanatory. If the guy says this - unmatch. This is a conniving move because saying this traps you into sounding crazy if you don’t agree. Don't entertain this conversation for a second or fool yourself into thinking you're not looking for anything serious either. You are, you are just afraid to admit it, which is exactly what they are exploiting.
I once went on a date with this Muslim doctor and he spent the whole time talking about himself. At first, I thought, maybe he's just a nervous talker. But then he started being arrogant and boastful. When I finally got a chance to speak, not much interest was taken - he just nodded and kept talking about himself some more.
At this point, you have to stop and think - do you want this in a partner or do you want to find a man who will talk to you in a considerate and respectful way? Who takes interest in you? Because if he ain't from the get-go then it's downhill from there.
When a bro tells you his ex is crazy, you have to think 'what did he do to make her go crazy?'. If your potential suitor has a past and isn't respectful about it, be weary. There's always two sides to a story. But more than likely, if a bro is telling you how crazy his ex is, he’s trying to make sure you know that he took no responsibility for how the relationship ended, even if it was totally his fault.
I saved the best for last. Don't let the 'oh masha'Allah sister' brother fool you. This sneaky person is the very definition of a hypocrite - take Prophet Muhammad's (SAW) advice: “Among the signs of a hypocrite are three, even if he fasts and prays and claims to be a Muslim: when he speaks he lies, when he gives a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 33).
This is a tricky guy to spot because he seems pious - but does shady things. Things that don't quite add up. Does he boast about being humble? Does he say he prays 5 times a day but secretly drinks alcohol? Does he act one way with you, but is unrecognisable in other settings? Does he keep you a secret? Listen to your gut instinct and don't overlook any signs of inconsistency.
Trying to tame the hormone monster while Muslim? We got you.
Before you get too excited, “self-loving” is off the table. There’s no loopholes around it. Stop googling shady forums to get permission 👀
Prophet Yusuf (AS) teaches us the importance of self-control, patience and tawakkul like no other. A woman in a position of power in Egypt, the Pharoh’s assistant’s wife, attempted to seduce Prophet Yusuf by literally throwing herself at him and he rejected her like a boss.
'And they both raced to the door, and she tore his shirt from the back, and they found her husband at the door. She said, "What is the recompense of one who intended evil for your wife but that he be imprisoned or a painful punishment?' | Qur'an 12:25
After being found guilty of trying to commit zina with Prophet Yusuf, she fessed up after her efforts became futile and demanded that he be thrown in prison. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
She said, "That is the one about whom you blamed me. And I certainly sought to seduce him, but he firmly refused; and if he will not do what I order him, he will surely be imprisoned and will be of those debased." | Qur'an 12:32
How did Prophet Yusuf respond?
He said, "My Lord, prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. And if You do not avert from me their plan, I might incline toward them and [thus] be of the ignorant." | Qur'an 12:33
PRISON! That’s right, he would rather be locked up than to disobey Allah (SWT) and dishonour himself. Obviously, we’re not saying you should go around trying to get arrested every time you’re being seduced, but the lesson here is that making the sincere intention to Allah to stay away from such a sin (mentally and physically) is paramount. Then lo and behold, Allah answered his prayer!
So his Lord responded to him and averted from him their plan. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing. | Qur'an 12:34
Ok, now that you’ve made the first step to be spiritually determined to stay on the path, how do you deal with the urges?
Well, temptations are everywhere, but you can’t want what you can’t see.
The hijab! Brothers and sisters, the concept of hijab applies to both of you. The principle of modesty extends beyond a piece of clothing, but a way of living. Believers are instructed to lower their gaze and protect their private parts.
Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do. | Qur'an 24:30
The ultimate shield, however, in addition to physical barriers, is the spiritual one. Arming yourself with taqwa is one of the most powerful protections to have when facing temptations.
O children of Adam, We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your private parts and as adornment. But the clothing of righteousness - that is best. That is from the signs of Allah that perhaps they will remember. | Qur'an 7:26
Ok, so you say you’ve made the intention, put up your barriers, you have developed taqwa but still struggle with sexual desires? Now what?
Well, patience is a virtue.
O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. | Qur'an 2:153
Patience is the main weapon for the believer to use when faced with hardship. The principle of sabr is mentioned in the Quran countless times and what better ally can one have to help you with your problems than Allah? He’s literally guaranteeing to help you 😊
Patience doesn’t mean sitting and waiting for the problem to go away, however. Sabr is about having the strength to endure the problem and actively resisting it by all halal means necessary.
So until you’re married, keep yourself busy!!
And immerse yourself with knowledge!
By truly understanding the value of your soul, obeying Allah’s commands and realising that short-term thrills are not worth the punishment, you can and will conquer all demons!