Dear muzmatch: What Does It Mean When He Says He Just Wants To Be Friends?

muzmatch
11 June

We know finding the one can be hard, which is why we have our agony aunts helping you out and answering your questions along the way!

The two aunties answering your questions today have an acclaimed wealth of knowledge on dating and muzmatch, as they have both been on the app. Found Love On muzmatch has, you guessed it, actually found love on muzmatch. While Kissed A Few Frogs has acquired a great amount of insight into red flags and relationship Dos and Don'ts from her own experiences of dealing with all the f***boys.

If you need some advice, drop us an email at advice@muzmatch.com


Salaam,
I just thought of sending you guys an email and maybe I might get something from it. I have been talking to this guy I matched with last September 2020, we talk everyday. There are days we’d spend hours on the phone, or just few minutes which I don’t mind, considering that he lives on the other side of the world from where I am.
I have difficulty opening up to anyone, I tend to cry on my own sometimes. I’m not sure if I’m just overthinking it, or is it something I need to talk with him.
He said we can’t be serious unless we meet personally, but because of the pandemic, we’re all still waiting. So as of now, we consider we’re just friends, a special friend, at least that’s what he thinks of it.
Just recently, he just told me he’s not ready to be in a relationship because he’s scared of not being able to give the time and attention for it. So I’m just here left for nothing.
Since we started talking, I have not seen him through video call, not even once (Because he does not want to or is uncomfortable with that idea). I only saw 6 pictures of him. Knowing him for 9 months, it already feels like I know him enough that he isn’t a religious type of guy, which is okay. There are times I’d think that he may be just a catfish. But it doesn’t seem like it at all.
Since he said that we’d be just friends for now, I tried going back to the app and tried to look for a serious one, but none of it went to anything and for the most part I ended up thinking about him and it felt wrong. That I only wanted to talk to him.
I was already told that since he hasn’t made any move, this won’t end up to anything. But I refuse to think of it that way, because I'm an understanding person.
There could be times I’d feel sad because of him but I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want him thinking that I assume too much and end up avoiding me or I just really like that person who has difficulty opening up with anyone.
I hope you can give me some advice. I’d really appreciate it. Thank you for reading my sentiments.
JazakAllahu khair!



Found Love On muzmatch Replies:

Ok, I’m going to be pretty blunt here, he’s told you he’s not interested in a relationship and that he just wants to be friends. You clearly don’t want to be just friends. Waiting around and talking to him as a “friend” is going to hurt your feelings, and it’s also a waste of time. I know it’s hard but you need to distance yourself and definitely move on.

Personally I’m the type of person that would cut off all contact so that I can move on and stop thinking about him, it’s hard but it’s my way of dealing with things. I understand it doesn’t work for everyone, but talking to him everyday and continuing the relationship won’t help, you do need to limit the relationship. If he wants to be friends, treat him as one, and not as a potential- this means don’t continue talking everyday, don’t share every detail of your day etc. You should totally get back out there and talk to someone new.

My last point is that the fact he never wanted to video call is a major red flag, when someone is getting to know you they should be putting effort in, this includes video calls if you can’t meet up. The fact this never happens kinda shows that he doesn't really care much. I would say that the fact this didn’t work out is a blessing from Allah, as he’s saving you for mr right. Inshallah you’ll find him soon

Good luck with your search x

Kissed a Few Frogs Replies:

I really believe you need to just delete his number, block him on muzmatch and start moving on with your life. The pandemic has meant that everyone’s felt a little lonely or a little lost but Allhamdullilah as we’re slowly coming out of it, there are so many more opportunities in this world. You will find that special someone, but unfortunately it’s not him.

When a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship, believe him. Maybe he will be one day, but you definitely deserve more than that. I know it’ll be hard, but try and distract yourself. See your friends more, find a new hobby or focus on work/school! The right guy will come inshallah.

Good luck x


If you need some advice, drop us an email at advice@muzmatch.com

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