Undoubtedly, being a Muslim revert brings up many challenges. Disapproving parents, work, a partner, friends and the list goes on. On top of that, you’ve got to find someone that will slot nicely into your new life choice of becoming a practicing Muslim.
Whilst it may all seem doom and gloom, let us not forget that the marriage search is a trial and test of your faith. Often, we get used to the idea of a loss of income, separation from friends and family, poor health being a trial, but forget the ordeal of the marriage search.
As the Qur’an advises us,
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.” (Qur’an 2: 155)
The first thing you want to do as a revert is acknowledge any struggle with getting married as a test for you – handpicked by the Creator. As it’s a test, the aim is to respond in the best possible way; accepting what Allah the Almighty has written for you, whilst taking the necessary steps to get married.
Here at Help for Reverts, a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to helping Reverts to Islam, we aim to assist with these steps. In most cases, our reverts that sign up to our (free) service, require an experienced Muslim to ‘show them the ropes’.
As the majority of our reverts are females, and therefore more prone to exploitation, we find it’s important reverts are advised on potential pitfalls within the marriage process, red flags to be aware of, and most importantly, their rights as a Muslimah going into a marriage. Providing support on theory and practical matters, reverts at Help for Reverts become better equipped to conduct their marriage search – making them less vulnerable to charlatans.
Despite the assistance we can provide, sadly, reverts are likely to face tougher obstacles than non-reverts looking to marry.
One of our reverts shares her story with us:
“I reverted seven years ago. The challenges I've found when looking for a spouse was there was an internal pressure (from myself) due to my family not being Muslim and spending my Ramadan and Eid alone, I almost felt like I have to get married to feel like I was a part of a family again. I also felt that it was hard to trust someone who you had restricted time with. Growing up it was normal in my family to date someone and introduce to family. It was also a challenge to find a trustee who would accompany me in meetings with potentials.
Seeing the blessings in a difficult situation is something a believer is encouraged to do, and it’s something you should view your single life as.
Being a revert, you may find yourself lagging behind others on the Islamic knowledge scale. So use this time and view this as an opportunity presented by the Creator to brush up on your Arabic, form a solid grounding of the religion, and get closer to Him. This also helps to avoid being ‘taught’ by your spouse in the early years of marriage, and thereby allowing both spouses to focus on quality time together.
Taking these proactive steps now will not only allow you to find greater inner strength to deal with your testing times, but you will have the potential to offer much more to your marriage, including your children as an informed Muslim inshaAllah.
An interesting note is the real struggle non-revert Muslims face. Those from a Muslim household are similarly facing difficulties finding a compatible spouse, as expressed by many of our single volunteers at Help for Reverts.
So the struggle to get married is real for many; those from a Muslim household and those that have reverted to Islam. After taking the necessary steps, (creating a profile at muzmatch), turn your attention towards a sustained self-development plan until the Creator delivers you the coolness of your eyes.
If you’re looking for pre-marriage tips, advice or any assistance as a revert, please sign up for free at helpforreverts.org. We have dedicated volunteers in over fifty cities worldwide available to help you.
Not a revert but want to help?
If you’re not a revert and you wish to help a fellow revert as a volunteer, please sign up at helpforreverts.org as a volunteer.
The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “Whoever helps ease one in difficulty, Allah will make it easy for him in this world and in the Hereafter.” (Muslim, 2699)