Where Did We Go Wrong...

Marriage, one of the most sacred and blessed cornerstones of Islam to the extent it is described as half of one’s deen, appears to have been reduced to a job specification. Applicants must fit certain physical, social, financial and academic pre-requisites on paper before they are eligible to be considered for first interview. A year too old or young. An inch too tall or short.  A fist full of facial hair or clean-shaven. A fashionably accepted modest dress code with a hint of provocation or fully covered?

two gold-colored rings inside cases place on brown surface
Photo by Lauren Richmond / Unsplash

In an economic climate of uncertainty where striking the right balance of qualifications, experience and skills to secure a job would be perceived by most as a difficult task. We as Muslims have our own social climate of uncertainty running parallel. Choosing a spouse to complete half our deen based on clear Islamic teachings appears to have been lost in the scramble for the most academically qualified, financially successful and geographically best located individual.

Has our generation become too relationship savvy for it’s own good?

Are we so caught up in manufacturing the perfect marriage with intellect and experience by sourcing every materialistic and socially mobile quality in an individual that the concept of good character, morals, love and affection don’t even enter the equation until the date has been set and emotions are set free?

I heard recently that the average person scrolls the height of Big Ben in a day. Whilst waiting for a delayed train in Bath I spotted this line of hands on phones – all endlessly scrolling.
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Where did we as British Muslims go wrong with the matrimonial process that generations before us did so eloquently and successfully. Marriages that were indeed arranged in many cases based on all the same criteria our generation has today yet the end result was a strong, trusting and solid nuclear unit. Demonstrated clearly by a generation of well-educated, well-integrated and successful young professional Muslims who are the bi-products of these marriages, yet somehow incapable or unwilling to marry outside of social and culturally set criterion.

Have we simply become too big for our own boots?

It is a well-known and established fact that male to female ratio of potential suitors is shockingly unbalanced, however this is a fact of life. Women will always outnumber men for various socio-economic and health reasons worldwide.
The question to ask is why do girls of similar socio-economic group, intelligence, ethnic background and equivalent educational opportunities to their male peers champ men both in terms of professional achievements and deen? Surely, where boys are disadvantaged in quantity there should be no reason for lack of quality when compared to their female peers.

Although anecdotal the imbalance is largely seen in levels of education, professional achievement and most importantly level of deen. Attend any Islamic lecture, course or seminar and two thirds of the audience almost always is female.  This then begs the question should practicing professional girls be more open to compromise and accept proposals from those less practicing? Or rather should the bachelor population realise that they lack in deen to such an extent that they are falling short of their female peers? One can argue that every other worldly achievement can be compromised on when presented with good character and piety but how does one justify compromising on deen in a potential spouse?

woman sitting on bench
Photo by Satria SP / Unsplash

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (pbuh) said: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!”. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Increasingly many women are accepting to compromise on deen in a spouse, not out of choice but as a last resort. However this then gives rise to a whole array of its own issues creating insecurity within the relationship where a more successful and practicing wife is felt to go against the grain of natures conjugal relationship where the man has always been the breadwinner and Amir of the household and rightly so, as intended.

On the other hand is a practicing bachelor population struggling to strike the right balance in a practicing girl that they find attractive in a prescribed Islamic dress code and fight off the subconscious desire for certain stereotypical images of women bombarded at them from every direction in every medium.

Is it time the bachelor population realised it needs to step up and out of its comfort zone and shape up both in terms of dunya and deen to match and do justice to their female counterparts as strong pious men to restore natures balance. As the alternative would be to oppress and regress female success, and how does one morally or spiritually justify such an ignorant act?

After all every man should aspire to be the man he would want his son to be, if he aspires to marry a woman that he would want his daughter to be.

We are all reflections of generations gone, let as sow what we wish to reap in future generations to come of this great Ummah.

Surely, in order to create an ongoing legacy we must learn to be legends in this world to attain the best of our akhira!

23 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

Wintery iPhone Flat Lay Mock Up
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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

Photo by Ross Parmly / Unsplash

We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

5 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

Influences of the past —
Stories, desire and a vivid imagination
attract people to this place.
Photo by Simon Matzinger / Unsplash

I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

5 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

5 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

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