The Myths and Facts of Muslim Dating

Muslims can’t really date in the common sense of the word. There’s plenty of mystery surrounding the weird nature of what really happens in the Muslim dating sphere – a strange, unknown place, possibly full of odd ritualistic practices. What does it really involve? While it’s not quite sitting behind a screen, asking questions as if on an episode of Blind Date, with a soft drink in hand, it can get pretty close. Yes, sometimes we do use a chaperone to ensure proper conduct. In fact, it’s all very Austenian with the declaration of intention and lack of physical interaction. That’s right: no sex before marriage. No anything before marriage. And we don’t have any of this long-term relationship/courtship business, thank you very much.

Muslim dating works in dog years because faffing is not a socially acceptable norm. I’d say that post-30s (age is not but a number) a six month turnaround is quite common. I won’t lie; this can lead to a certain type of intensity in which entire (one-sided) relationships can be forged via the medium of technology. One phone conversation and five text messages later and the person with whom you’re speaking might say something dramatic like: May God forgive me for what might become of me. That’s usually when you know you made the right decision to cut contact.

If you’re of brown hue/South Asian descent the term ‘arranged marriage’ has probably cropped up. Gone are the days, my friend. Gone are the days. We do not, like our parents, meet the person we’re about to marry for the first time on the day, or the week before, our wedding. Personally, when I’m asked whether I’d have an arranged marriage I generally look at the person, slightly confounded. Of course forced marriages are an issue, but erm, guess what? They’re not the norm. The modern (I’m not using the term ironically) version of this is ‘Introductions,’ which do happen all the time. Sometimes more often than is reasonable. There’s no shortage of family members pushing some auntie’s friend’s cousin’s son in your face, or handing out your phone number/email address to any single man that might take it. (Thanks to overenthusiastic parenting, also be prepared for random phone calls from strange men.)

Unfortunately the Muslim dating pool is rather small – in fact, it’s miniscule. There’s a fair bit of recycling that goes on: ‘Darling! Went on a date, wasn’t for me, you might like him’ type thing. Apart from this there’s the constant networking in which you will meet the same people. It’s not inconceivable to end up at a charity event, on a boat, sat opposite three men who you’ve been on a date with. It might seem like bad luck but at least you’re on a boat because then you have the choice to either throw them, or yourself, off it. So, despite what others might say, we do have options.

Muslim dating seems like a rather contrived, practical sort of thing, doesn’t it? Where’s the passion, you might ask. Though it might seem like a shocking concept you can actually find a person you’re passionate about within what might feel like a restrictive dating framework. Because the truth is – wait for it – we are still human. We’re not robots looking to fulfil a social and cultural norm, and despite the mounting parental pressure we’d rather not just settle for anyone that comes along. Who doesn’t want the odd firework? Nothing too dramatic, mind. So, we’ll do what everyone else does, wait until the sparks fly…

Ayisha Malik Author and managing editor at Cornerstones Literary Consultancy

My novel Sofia Khan is Not Obliged is published by Twenty7 as an ebook on September 3rd (£4.99) and paperback in January 2016 (£7.99)

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/ayisha-malik/myths-and-facts-of-muslim-dating_b_8089018.html

25 days ago

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South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

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We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

6 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

7 days ago

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Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

7 days ago

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