So You Want To Marry My Daughter?

By Uzma Awan

THERE comes a time in your life when you have accomplished all the general things according to people’s criteria and a position on the invisible advisory board for public service opens up for you. Now, if you are explicitly a quiet person, it is implied you are a good listener as well. If you are a polite and down-to-earth person, it is expected you will totally accept other’s alibi and submit. This brings along surprises, amusements, shocks, disappointments, anguish and eventually exasperation.

Since your marital experience has crossed the +1 mark, you are now entitled to join the league of match making ladies. In the process you will meet sisters acknowledging, “There aren’t any good men left anymore” and brothers asking, “So, do you have any suitable girl for me in your mind?” The latter will give you a momentary jolt. You will have a quick talk with your inner self,“Do I look that old now?” But since, you have accepted a position on that invisible advisory board you are to honor your duties dutifully.

Assuming the responsibility, a series of questions and answers follow. The following is how the conversation takes place:

You: “What kind of a girl do you have in mind?”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Ah, well you know! She should be mature, educated, friendly, able to adjust with family, simple yet able to move in crowd with me, and of course a practicingMuslimah. She must wear hijab and offer all her prayers. That’s a must you know.”

You: [memorizing the long list of must-haves and knowing how looks are important to some of us] “And what about her looks? You are okay with marrying anyone? Looks aren’t that important for you?”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “O no! The Prophet said we should have a look at the girl before marrying her. You can certainly show her picture or introduce her to me. You can send me link to her social media profile, can’t you?”

You: [Concealing uneasiness] “But if she is a practicing Muslimah how will she allow her picture being sent over?”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Ah well! Because she wants to get married.”

You: [O so that’s the reason. Gulping it down the throat; change the subject] “And what do you do for a living?”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: [laughter] “Nothing.”

You: [jaw dropped, eyebrows raised] “What do you mean by nothing?”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Well, I graduated from [insert any renowned university]. I have a Masters in [insert any popular degree].”

You: “Yeah that’s brilliant but what about your career? What do you plan to do in your life?”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “Well, I live with my parents I don’t need to work.”

You: “Then how will you bear the expenses; your own and your wife’s? You understand your family will be growing in the future, in sha Allah?”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “I have a rich Dad. He pays for my expenses. He will take care of us.”

You: [losing your patience] “I am not sure if any father would like to give his daughter’s hand in marriage to someone whose future is uncertain. You need to do something. You have to show you are responsible and can be depended upon.”

Too-excited-to-be-a-groom: “The Prophet said, when you are giving your daughter’s hand in marriage choose the one whose faith pleases you. I am a good Muslim I don’t cause anyone any harm.” [followed by a big wide smile]

You: [flabbergasted! Desperately waiting for the phone to ring. Hoping the aunty sitting two tables across you waves and calls you over. Help’s not coming….run!]

We, the Muslims, the lovers of Rasoolullah sallAllahu aalyhi wa sallam stumble and falter trying to submit to the commands of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, but we try our best to hold on to our Prophet’s Sunnah. There’s one Sunnah in particular that is too dear to our hearts – marriage is half of your deen.

Indeed, it is! Since we are quoting the best person who ever walked on this earth, let’s peek into his seerah to educate ourselves on how he lived.

His first marriage to a rich businesswoman took place when he was only twenty five years old. An age most of us would like to get married by. How was he chosen as the best prospect among several others? Khadeeja radhiAllahi anha chose him after evaluating his honesty and trustworthiness in business dealings.

As much as a daughter’s marriage is any parents’ biggest dream come true, they will not give her hand to just about anyone. Marriage is a heavy responsibility. It is also a trust from Allahsubhanahu wa ta’ala. Parents will thoroughly investigate the prospective husband’s background and when it satisfies their heart only then will they approve of him.

Putting yourself in any parent’s position, reflect on the following:

Alhumdulillah that you are a good Muslim, and you do not cause anyone any harm, but being a Muslim doesn’t mean to sit back and see life unfold. By being curious about your working status, we, the parents, are not eyeing your money. We want to ensure when times are tough you will remain her strongest shoulder. She will not reminisce the days spent at her parents’ home and feel her past was better than her today. She wouldn’t look at us with complaining eyes in silence; her state narrating her ordeal. We don’t want either of you to hold grudges or anger and harm your own health. We want her to look forward to her life with you.

We have not raised our daughter to chase dunya, alhumdulillah like you she is a good Muslimahas well. She is not a materialistic person but she is a human, you know? She has needs. There will be grocery expenses even if she chooses frugal living for herself. You expect her to accompany you at social gatherings; she will need clothes to adorn. She can live with one new dress in two months, but clothes cost money, you know?

With the coming of the baby, in sha Allah, the expenses will increase further. The baby ain’t a toy either even if you choose mother’s milk and cloth diapers for him, there will be pediatrician’s visits you can’t avoid.

You see we raised our daughter with good values and pleasing conduct. We equipped her with the right education. We now expect that her knight in shining armor will take care of our beautiful daughter the way we did. He will help her grow both emotionally and intellectually. He will be a reason for her personal strength.

You may be a gentleman, but by your following a disciplined life proves you are responsible. You have goals and some purpose to serve. We don’t expect you to be a CEO at a multinational. We didn’t say your salary should be in six figures. Our expectations are quite realistic. We want our daughter to feel good about herself, safe and fulfilled while being with you.

And if you say you will pick some freelance projects, when your parents stop supporting you, do you expect us to see our daughter suffer between project to project not knowing when the next project will come?

As much as you want to marry a mature girl who supports and stands by you, we hope you will be mature enough to provide her a life worth standing by you.

We can’t marry our daughter off because she must be married. We love her and we want to ensure what’s best for her. If you want to hasten the marriage process for the sake of commitment, we advise you to speed up your job hunting process as well. It is Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala Who writes the qadr. If you have been chosen as her prospective husband, there’s nothing in the world that can alter it.

We don’t have any unreasonable expectations, you see? It is our heart that seeks contentment.

24 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

Photo by Ross Parmly / Unsplash

We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

5 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

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Stories, desire and a vivid imagination
attract people to this place.
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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

6 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

6 days ago

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