A Recipe for a Disaster-Free Marriage

muzmatch caught up with Wajeeha Amin, an experienced relationship and lifestyle coach to discuss why planning is key to a healthy marriage and how we can maintain love through it. This is the second in the series of #WajeehaTalks – where we will be unpacking different parts of relationships in the Muslim community.

There is no denying it relationships can be hard work at times. We are spending far too long focusing on external qualifiers.   Successful relationships require something much more profound than just shared interests, age, career, money or physical attractions.

Maintaining a healthy, happy relationship requires you to make a daily choice – Leave your ego behind and act in the best interest of the relationship rather than just yourself.  A healthy functional intimate relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control.

My Key Ingredients to success:

There are many key ingredients to making and maintaining great, long-lasting healthy relationships.  Here are just a few:

  • Communication, Communication, Communication! Master this and you’re in for the long haul. You need to know how to communicate your own needs and wants, verbally and non verbally while being open to your partner’s style of communicating their needs and wants. Take time to understand what the other might be feeling.
  • Mutual respect. You respect each other’s values and understand/respect/honour each other’s personal boundaries.
  • Trust. You trust each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt.
  • Honesty. Honesty builds trust and strengthens the relationship.
  • Compromise. You are not always going to get your way. You need to acknowledge different points of view and be willing to give and take.
  • Individuality. This one is an important one! You should not have to compromise who you are. Your identity should not be based on your partners.
  • Anger management. Anger is an emotion that we all express now and again, but how we communicate it can affect our relationships with others. Everyone argues at some point, stick to the subject and avoiding insults will help you come up with possible solutions.
  • Problem-solving. When you are single, you find yourself having to solve problems yourself in your own unique way. But are you able to solve problems and identify new solutions as a couple?
  • Self-confidence. You need to have perfected this before you enter into a partnership. When you have confidence in yourself, it can help your relationships with others.
  • Being a role model. Being able to model a healthy relationship style.

My golden nugget – perfect those traits in yourself that you seek in another.

What role does change or adaptability play in relationships?

Choosing to change is a personal decision. However, relationships require the ability to change for both people.  No two people fit together like a perfect puzzle, so you are going to have to adjust. Being open to self-growth, adaptability, learning and, yes, potentially change, it’s too important to ignore in a serious relationship.

Men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. Don’t assume that you can change a person to meet your expectations.

My golden nugget – Ask yourself: Can you accept each other as you are, warts and all? Don’t marry someone based on “potential to change.”

What is important to assess in finding the right one?

Healthy relationships are the single most important factor in determining our happiness. The first step to finding a suitable partner is to distinguish between what you want and what you need in a partner. Wants are negotiable, needs are not.

Wants include the things you think you’d like in a partner, including occupation, intellect, and physical attributes. Even if certain traits may appear to be crucially important to you at first, over time you’ll often find that you’ve been needlessly limiting your choice. Needs are different than wants in that needs are those things that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life.

My Golden Nugget: Let me ask you this – Would you marry you? Think about it, the time is now to be honest with yourself, dig deep, what would your answer be?

The more specifically you define yourself, your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with. Remember, The perfect marriage does not come ready-made, in fact that is what completes half your deen, your contribution to the marriage, the highs and the lows.

Wajeeha Amin is a Relationship Coach and is on a mission to equip people with the tools that strengthen love and care in all their relationships.  She pioneered the Finding Mr or Mrs Right Masterclass and has been supporting countless singles to go on to marry and Marry well.  She was a finalist for Asian Women of Achievement award for her work and is an Ambassador for Women on the future.

To find out more about Wajeeha and her work visit her website:

http://www.masterclassbywajeehaamin.com/

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26 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

Photo by Ross Parmly / Unsplash

We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

7 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

Influences of the past —
Stories, desire and a vivid imagination
attract people to this place.
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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

8 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

8 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.



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