Sometimes the concept of self-love can be misunderstood by many Muslims as an egocentric activity. If self-love for you creates pride and arrogance, then you’re doing it wrong. Self-love is about instilling a self-worth, respecting your body, mind and soul that Allah has gifted us and importantly taking the time to be comfortable with who you are. Ultimately, if you can love yourself, you will be better at loving those around you. We hope that these tips will be beneficial to single and married Muslims alike!
Grab your hot beverage of choice and see how these tips can help you fall in love with yourself again.
According to psychological experts, positive affirmations impact the way we act and ultimately we shape our lifestyle. Walter E. Jacobson, research highlights that there is value in affirmations of a positive nature, because our subconscious mind plays a major role in the actualization of our lives and the manifestation of our desires. According to Jacobson, what we believe about ourselves at a subconscious level can have a significant impact on the outcome of events. When you boil it down when we feel good about ourselves and have a positive attitude, our lives tend to run smoothly. Think about the last time you had a boost of self-confidence and the impact it had on your activities for the subsequent hours that followed that boost. At first – using positive affirmations can be a tad uncomforting and awkward but remind yourself – statements and words become part of our mindset and psyche. What better way to love ourselves by reminding yourself that God has a plan for us and ultimately he is the best of planners. Try repeating your own custom affirmation in the mirror, when you wake up or after you pray. The benefits are amazing, In the pursuit of finding the right one, positive affirmations can help you realize your value and despite it being a stressful time for some here are some small affirmations you can tell yourself:
‘I know that Allah has gifted me with my talents, and blessings – he will provide the right spouse when the time is right..’
‘I am happy with the way Allah made me, I know that someone special is out there for me too.’
‘Allah has a great plan for me, as he has said he is the best of planners..’
This may sound very strange and at first, (P.S. it will be) – but take time to assess where you are and what you want. Importantly, outline what you love about your life currently. Whilst in this exercise it’s easy to drift and start aspiring towards other people’s positive lived experience, remind yourself that loving who you are and what you do on a day to day, is important in your journey of development. Some lifestyle experts recommend writing a love letter to yourself, and as weird and narcissistic as it may sound – your goal with the love letter is not that others fall in love with you, but you yourself are outlining what you love about yourself.
It can be difficult but try setting up a checklist or a journal on your phone and anytime something pops to mind note it down. With this set of love and fancies about yourself and your life, you will find tip number three to be more enhanced and more effective.
These ‘love points’ can also help guide your conversation as to what parts of your life you are content with, when finding the right soul mate an unusual conversation starter but can become very deep is to ask the opposite person what do they love about themselves? (Play it by ear but it is a very interesting question and can tell you a lot about the person and how they see the world).
Give Shukr, be grateful and thank those that mean something to you in your life. Firstly, the blessing of life is beautifully expressed through our difficult times and at times of ease. What is it about those times that we appreciate and ultimately our source of gratitude should be Allah. In Sura Luqman (a Surah which is amazing for self-tips and guidance from the knowledgeable and wise Luqman and his conversations with his son), Allah reminds us:
” And whoever is grateful, he is only grateful for the benefit of his own self” (Luqman 31:12).
Gratefulness will help us count our blessings, focus on what is beneficial in our lives and importantly allow our mind to focus on the positivity. When you begin to count your blessing, also remind yourself if God has got you this far he has something bigger and better coming your way. As much as we count our blessings, Allah reminds us that he only bless us with more –
“If you are grateful, I will surely give you more and more” (Ibrahim 14:7).
To be in love with the biggest blessing of life is important but will only come about when you can truly say that you recognize its value. Being grateful is also about showing love and appreciation to those that mean something to you in your life. When you show compassion to friends, write someone a message as to why you value them and importantly express your gratitude to them – it will only fortify your relationships with them.
Isn’t it strange the people, we most often neglect in terms of telling them what they mean to us?Don’t leave things unsaid and ensure that you take the time thank people who are part of your journey. It’s a beautiful thing you can do for them but in the process the benefit and the amazing feeling you experience is indescribable.
Pray for forgiveness, learn from your mistakes but don’t let them tie you down. A key part of seeking forgiveness is to promise to oneself that they will not repeat the same mistake again. When we seek forgiveness from Allah, we must also seek forgiveness from ourselves for committing that lapse in our journey. Doing it with the intention that you will not repeat the same mistake helps us in our progress and path as Muslims. When you have a frank discussion about the wounds of those sins, only then will we begin to heal and learn from those dark moments we have come out of.
Never despair, Allah’s mercy is all-encompassing and sincerity is always rewarded. When we begin to forgive ourselves we can also begin to start forgiving those that have wronged us too. By forgiving those around us we display glimpses of mercy, compassion and love only reciprocate it further. It is a truly liberating activity and can help you appreciate yourself. In a world of tough knocks, we need to constantly remind ourselves of divine mercy.
In a world of social media and a constant barrage of overwhelming, it’s easy to be caught up in other people’s lived experience. Importantly what we each display as the perfect lifestyle can be very far from our actual lives. Very rarely people share their negative experiences, and if they do many will do it for a selfish gain for views, validation or fame.
It’s important that you constantly compare your journey against itself. Your value should be to emulate the lifestyle outlined in our religion, that lifestyle is encompassing, respects your individuality but importantly is realistic and tangible. We can get so caught up in other peoples marketed brand on digital spaces, that we begin to want their lifestyle for our own self.
This can be detrimental to spouse selection because we end up choosing partners that actually maybe suited for a lifestyle we don’t live or for a person we are not! Stay true to you, your values and when you begin to stop comparing yourself to others, you will begin to feel more confident in your identity. Knowing what you want, and how you want to achieve it is extremely important.
When’s the last time you’ve done something for yourself? An important part of self-love is to take time to self-care. Be comfortable with your own silence, in a world of consistent and constant noise it becomes important to disconnect. Pick up a book, make yourself a cup of your favorite beverage or cook a meal for yourself from scratch. Giving yourself a small pick me up can be very productive in your output to others. Importantly, when making a crucial decision such as ‘if this is the right spouse or is this person appropriate for your future life journey’ – take a small time out, focus on you and then recollect your thoughts. Allowing time to settle, clears any other thoughts which may be superficial and allows you to make a more conscious effort on what matters. Remember focusing on yourself is not selfish if your end goal is to serve others. A productive mind is more useful to our society and community.
Take a long walk, go for a run or a swim. Do a bit of exercise and tell yourself that this is a means to show appreciation to the gift of the body which you have been blessed with. Exercise and a healthy body is conducive to productivity. A productive mind can focus on the right tasks, asking the right questions and importantly give clear direction. Without a doubt, as humans, we have progressively become worse at inculcating exercise into our routines. It’s important to exert yourself physically, why not even try a hike with a few friends? If you live in the city, try an escape to the countryside and allow fresh air to rejuvenate you!
It’s important to remember that when you display self-love traits you will begin appreciate yourself and be comfortable with that. Searching for love can be extremely daunting but the first step in finding love is to fall in love with your ownself.
Let us know in the comment section below!
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My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.
He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.
About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.
I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.
My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.
It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,
I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".
I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.
I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.
We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.
We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.
Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.
We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.
Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.
His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.
Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.
The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.
We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.
Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).
I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.
Halima & Arshad
My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.
The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.
We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.
I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.
I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside. He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!
I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.
After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.
I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.
Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.
It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.
I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.
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My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.
We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!
I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.
The next day he replied to me and the is history. Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.
Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.
One last thing to everyone using the muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!
Get married, free, on muzmatch.