muzmatch caught up with Wajeeha Amin, an experienced relationship and lifestyle coach to discuss why planning is key to a healthy marriage and how we can maintain love through it. This is the second in the series of #WajeehaTalks – where we will be unpacking different parts of relationships in the Muslim community.
Many people spend more time planning their career path than planning for their life partner—and yet, choosing a partner is the most important decision you will ever make emotionally, financially, and health-wise.
Healthy relationships are the single most important factor in determining our happiness, it’s a decision that lasts a lifetime. So yes we need to prepare, and we need to prepare well to be married, well before we decide to say “I do”.
Whilst love is one of the cornerstones of marriage, as a mechanism marriage is a manifestation of that emotion in a very practical and tangible way. We can’t help falling in love with someone, marriage in its most real sense is about compromise, collective decision making, and teamwork. As much as it’s a collective effort, both individuals must understand that the process can have radical implications for both their or indeed their shared prospective future(s).
The perfect marriage does not come ready-made, in fact, that is what completes half your deen, your contribution to the marriage, the highs and the lows. The key here is knowing what you need in a partner, what you value in life and what you bring to the marriage.
Whilst we are busy debating that there are more singletons than ever before, on the flip side of the coin more people are divorcing or staying in toxic relationships.
We all have this ideal of how our married life will be, however, do we know what a healthy relationship is versus an unhealthy relationship? If we found ourselves in an unhealthy relationship would we know what to do about it? It’s important because planning beforehand, asking the right questions and developing an understanding of what that collective future looks like can help minimise the probability of unhealthy relationships. Having purposeful and conscious conversations will help you to understand each other, for example he is a half glass empty kind of guy, and you’re a half full glass kind of girl, what does that mean for both of you if you were married? It might be endearing in the courting stage but in marriage will it grind on you? This is where honesty kicks in, be honest with yourself, don’t let the fantasy of marriage lead you of course and overlook the negative character traits showing up when you are getting to know someone.
Now more than ever just like we take training in all other areas of life this area is something that we need to seriously invest some time and effort in. We owe it to ourselves and our future generation to equip ourselves to be in healthy, happy long-term relationships. It’s the ripple effect if we are in healthy, loving relationships those are the skills we will pass on to our children. That’s got to be worth preparing for?
A little preparation goes a long way and it can save us our heart and time. That’s why I started delivering the Finding Mr or Mrs Right Masterclass as a way to equip people with the tools to not just find the right partner but to connect and keep the right partner, and to have healthy long-term marriages. I found that people who were sceptical began to understand more so the importance of mastering the skills to select the right partner as well as to prepare, plane and truly understand the complexity of what marriage can entail. It’s important to find out from those that are married issues, challenges but importantly the highlights in making a marriage work.
Remember, in anything you do in life to be successful you need to be committed, consistent and proactive to get the end result you are looking for. Take some time out to understand what your relationship style is. If it’s healthy and if it will go on to serve you in a marriage.
There is no denying it relationships can be hard work at times. Look around you and observe the relationships around you, I am sure if you are honest you will see some great examples and some not so great examples. Stop spending so much time focusing on external qualifiers. Successful relationships require something much more profound than just shared interests, age, career, money or physical attractions.
When it comes to maintaining healthy and happy relationships it requires you to make a daily choice – Leave your ego behind and act in the best interest of the relationship rather than just yourself.
If one party feels like it he or she has more power than the other, you should reassess and see what is going on, what part are you playing in the relationship. While concentrated power to your benefit may seem like the upper hand in a relationship dynamic, this selfishness leads to either a breakdown in the given relationship or sadly, abuse and exploitation of the sacred union of marriage.
A healthy intimate, functional relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control.
Mapping where you want to be with your dreams and aspirations for the union will help set and correct goals for you to meet. Find synergies and see how you can compromise or fit the contrasting goals in each of your visions for your marriage.
Always remember, respect is not given but it is earned. Be individuals that are mutually worthy of it and subsequently that bond itself will churn out productivity, ease, and love.
Wajeeha Amin is a Relationship Coach and is on a mission to equip people with the tools that strengthen love and care in all their relationships. She pioneered the Finding Mr or Mrs Right Masterclass and has been supporting countless singles to go on to marry and Marry well. She was a finalist for Asian Women of Achievement award for her work and is an Ambassador for Women on the future.
To find out more about Wajeeha and her work visit her website:
Get married, free, on muzmatch.
My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.
He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.
About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.
I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.
My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.
It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,
I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".
I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.
I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.
We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.
We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.
Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.
We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.
Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.
His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.
Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.
The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.
We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.
Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).
I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.
Halima & Arshad
My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.
The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.
We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.
I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.
I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside. He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!
I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.
After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.
I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.
Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.
It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.
I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.
Get married, free, on muzmatch.
My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.
We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!
I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.
The next day he replied to me and the is history. Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.
Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.
One last thing to everyone using the muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!
Get married, free, on muzmatch.