Marriage as Medicine

Jummah is the best day of the week. The Khateeb, Imam Suleiman, sent a purifying message at the Atlanta Masjid. He talked about the diseases of the heart. The more he spoke, the more I began to feel dirty, and dirtier, until I felt filthy. He said spiritual disease leads to physical disease. I’ve been in search of a cure for far too long. Dhikr is the cure. The remembrance of Allah, having Taqwah, is the cure. I immediately got a copy post-Jumah to make sure I collect all the gems from the Khutbah.

Imam Suleiman said, “Don’t let Eid come and you are the same as you were on the first day of Ramadan.” I let that sink in. I instantly thought to myself, what have I improved on since the beginning of Ramadan? We should constantly try and better ourselves. Never be satisfied with who you are as a person. Not pleased with my current output, I increased it. Realizing my limitations, I focused on what I could do. We are going around talking to the youth of America and giving them advice, but am I practicing what I preach?

Lowering myself and softening my position, I started to accept my own advice. It helped me tremendously. The worst thing is when someone confides in you and you tell them the right things to do, yet you are not practicing those guidelines. A hypocritical characteristic I’d like to rid myself of. The Jumah Khutba was perfect and a reminder I definitelly needed to hear.

We headed to Masjid Al Farooq for Iftar. After meeting some beautiful Muslims we headed out after Taraweeh. We continued to talk about life and how everyone was doing. We talked about everything from who has the best recitation (Qari) to Marriage. A young brother had stress pouring out of his eyes. He was excited he was getting married, at age 27, but, he was forced to take out loans. I asked why. It didn’t make sense to me that you have to jump into debt when you get married. He simply said, “That’s the way it is.” Tens of thousands of dollars in loans for a celebration? That’s good money that can be used towards supporting a healthy lifestyle. There is no reason to “front” (act like you have something when you don’t). Neither he nor his wife wanted the elaborate reception, but this was a requirement if he wanted to marry. May Allah make things easy for them.

We headed back to Hajirah’s house to rest up and give our Salams. Atlanta has plenty to offer and I’m looking forward to returning.

New Orleans, LA holds some pretty painful memories. The last two games I played down here we lost against the New Orleans Saints. One of the games was the NFC Championship. Although we felt we were the best team in the NFL (I still believe we were), the Saints were better that night as they beat us and eventually went on to win the Super Bowl. The biggest Saints fan I know is Shaykh Omar Suleiman.

We became good friends after I attended his Al-Maghrib class. Shaykh Omar has Saints  memorabilia everywhere. So of course he took every chance to remind me we were in New Orleans. He brought a couple brothers with him as we headed for a signature Po Boy. I must say New Orleans did not disappoint. The food was everything I thought it would be and then some. We left for the Masjid to visit the Muslim Community of New Orleans.

As we drive around from city to city the same reoccurring theme continues to show up. There is an epidemic in our Ummah. Nobody is getting married. At every stop there are sisters looking for good men, in search of a husband. Brothers are pre-occupied with a checklist to graduate college, then get a masters, then get a PHD, start a business and THEN get married. And this check-list has been put in place by parents. The brothers who are in search of getting married are being shot down by parents because they don’t possess $100k yet. It’s sickening.

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Everyone asks the question, how do we deal with the Fitna of the opposite sex? This is the number one question we are asked. Yet, when you give the solution of marriage they shoot it down. Unfortunately in some communities our youth have boyfriends and girlfriends. The Halal alternative is Marriage. The parents that are blocking this out of pursuit for a high dowry, tradition, culture or anything for that matter, need to read the Qur’an and Hadith. Parents are supposed to encourage the youth to marry young. Help them to succeed in nurturing their relationship. Be the training wheels for them. Teach them about life. Coach them to be successful in their marriage. Help them in guarding their gaze and modesty.

The more we ignore this topic the more people will begin to engage in pre-marital sex. The branding of lust in this country is insane. Beer commercials, Axe body commercials, Go Daddy commercials, to name a few. All branding sex and lust. Music is being pumped into people’s brains about love, boyfriends, girlfriends, sex, and affairs. When this is being sold to you from every angle, every platform, it’s only a matter of time before people start buying into it.

Growing up in America, everything I explained is being sold to us sometimes without us even noticing it. People are starting to buy into that this is “life.” We have to learn how to market and brand Islam.

The Imam of the Masjid, Abdur Rahman, and I held this passionate conversation, at Cafe du Monde, around 2 AM over famous beignets. We later ate Suhoor, rested up and headed out for Houston.

The community at Clear Lake Islamic Center (CLIC) in Houston, TX rolled out the red carpet. We walked into the hotel room and there were signs on our bed, signed by all the youth, welcoming us to Houston. This reminded me of my recruiting trip to Washington State University—they did the same thing to welcome me in as a Coug. I applaud the people at CLIC for their efforts. Because now that has me thinking about making frequent visits down there.

I was very excited to be in the city that Hakeem Olajuwon built. He was a dominant force in the NBA during the 90’s. Two championships and two finals’ MVP in 1994 and 1995—he is the man. He played while fasting, he educated people on Islam, and he was graceful playing the game and dealing with people. The true definition of a Role Model. He had a huge impact on us possibly without even knowing about it. We were bummed when we found out we missed him by an hour and a half.

Hakeem Olajuwon

I was excited at the opportunity to sit and talk with Shaykh Waleed Basyouni. I attended his Al-Maghrib class, Fiqh of Love, with my wife in 2009. He is one of the best teachers I’ve ever been around. His Islamic knowledge is off the charts but his manners blew me away even more. Sitting in this class I learned what’s expected of me as a Muslim man. My wife learned what’s expected of her as a Muslim woman. This class strengthened our Iman, our roles within our marriage, and the love connection itself. This is a class that I highly recommend for anyone contemplating marriage, preparing for their marriage, newlyweds, and anyone who wants to know what Islam says about all the little things we bicker back and forth over. So pretty much everyone.

My brothers and I have had timeless discussions on the issues of marriage and what Islam says. Solutions for the youth and for adults who abuse their rights because they misinterpret a hadith or an ayat of Qur’an. This class would benefit the masses greatly. Imagine if this class was taught in the sixth grade, which is typically when the public schools have their class on puberty, crushes, sex, pregnancy etc. I believe this would chop our problems in half, at least. The lack of education in Islamic rulings is killing us. We read Qur’an but have no understanding. Getting married is half our deen. Why not place the same importance on it that Allah (swt) does?

After spending time with Shaykh Waleed, he gave us a Fatwah to follow him on twitter before we left. We headed to Amir Kidwai’s house for another All-nighter. He introduced us to what real BBQ taste like. The beef brisket was softer than yogurt. Umm Kidwai was giving us “Texas Sized” plates. We were stuffed by 2 AM. Although the sun’s anticipated arrival was at 5:30 AM, we were still full from the all good food she served, so that was Suhoor. The CLIC community was very hospitable, I thank them for that immensely.

grilled meat on grill
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Islam. A wealth of knowledge resides in theDallas area: Shaykh Abdul Nasir Jangda, Shaykh Omar Suleiman, Shaykh Yasir Birjas, and Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan, just to name a few. A few of the brothers who run MuslimMatters (one of my favorite websites) are down here as well. So this is definitely a great place to visit.

We flocked to the Islamic Center of Irving for our short talk. Upon entering the Masjid we saw a beautiful design welcoming the Abdullah Brothers; sister Hannah did a great job. We talked to the crowd and delivered the message.

During Q&A the same questions came through about dealing with women and getting married. The question came up again to assure my brothers and myself that a solution needs to be found. We know the solution, but we are hesitant because of the cons.

  • Getting married young may lead to higher divorce rates.
  • People would not take the marriage seriously and only join in matrimony out of physical desire.
  • Having children at a young age and possibly ruining or halting personal goals.
  • Parents losing control of their children.
  • No solid means to support a family.
  • Confusion on how to be a Husband/Wife

We should nurture and cultivate these young relationships, and do everything in our power to see them successful. A brother heavily involved with the youth spoke to Abbas at length about the youth and the troubles they are facing. They are growing up at blazing speeds. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, MySpace, Kik and a bunch of other social media sites I have no clue about. They can reach people around the globe in a click of a button. Direct access to the opposite sex. No hijab is present. They can talk about whatever they want, send text, pictures, video, etc. Sometimes they won’t even seek it. It will seek them. The list can go on further than this. But we can not look at Marriage how non-Muslims look at it. Not as Americans or anyone else for that matter. You hear “the old ball and chain.” People have bachelor/ bachelorette parties and commit every sin imaginable. This starts the marriage off on a negative footing and makes them second guess marriage as a whole. This is not how we do things.

Almost any “Free” app on a person’s phone quickly bombards them with advertisement when open. “Hot singles in your area,” and other ambush-style advertisements pop up on the screen. They are facing challenges that my generation didn’t even face and I’m 27 years old. So our elders must learn that they are hindering the young by taking away the only Halal alternative we have. Although parents have specific goals and ages they want their child to reach before they get married, a war is being fought and some of our youth feel they have no outlets but to conform with what society is telling them to do.

Rushing people into marriage is not the solution. Prepping our young at an early age to be Men/Women, providing support, listening when they speak, understanding their world, helping them succeed, learning what Islam says about marriage, and finally helping those marriages succeed is the solution. Allah sent a cure for everything. Now it’s our duty to accept the medicine.

– Husain Abdullah

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23 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

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We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

5 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

5 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

5 days ago

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