Love As A Gift

By Selma Cook

If you love someone there are a lot of days to remember. People think it is very important not to forget birthdays, anniversaries or Valentine’s day. Our expressions of love are often expected to take on the form of a present, flowers or something tangible and without such things, our love is considered to be lacking. But really, how important is it that we focus the meaning of love onto specific days and onto material items that ultimately fade and die away?

As human beings we are motivated by different things. We struggle through each day and constantly deal with people and all the joy and harm which that entails. Maybe we are looking for a better and more secure future, or to impress someone or maybe we just want money. But few will argue that the greatest motivating factor in life is love. People have been known to do the bravest, strangest and most amazing things in the name of love! And this love emerges from a place deep within the heart; it has absolutely nothing to do with material objects.

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It is a human need that we look for a soul mate; someone to share our life with. It is a dream to have a trusted person by our side to share life. When life gets tough and we feel alone we might gaze at the sky longingly, wishing and hoping to have that special someone to fill in all our gaps. Our thoughts, in such cases, move far beyond the tangible transient world; they enter the realm of the spirit, the world that exists just a step away from our mundane existence.

Despite all mankind’s developments and inventions, no one is able to say what it is that brings two people together. It might be attraction or a spark of interest but whatever it is, we have no control over our feelings of love. It is not within our power to increase them or get rid of them. Quite simply, such feelings are a gift from Almighty Allah and our job is to simply manage them because loving feelings are just like seeds that can either grow and develop, or fade and die away.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told us that getting married is half of our faith. When we think about all the interaction, soul searching, self-modification and compromise that go into making a relationship work, we can see the wisdom in these words. The person in your life acts like a mirror image showing you your strengths and your weaknesses. In a successful loving marriage relationship the couple learns to accept the differences in each other, respect those differences, give and take, and continue to be loving, sensitive and caring even when they feel estranged. This is an ongoing, day to day life endeavour. It is not something to be taken lightly and the amount of commitment, dedication and effort involved can never be expressed in a few words or a gift. At most, such things would be a mere token.

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We walk past shops with heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, cards, and stuffed toys all surrounded by advertisements giving us the message that ‘if we really love that special person we have to buy…..’ Now sometimes a gift of this sort touches the heart of your loved one and can put a little spark into the day, but the problem arises when such things are expected and the true sincerity and meaning of love is lost amid the glitter, ribbons and gift paper.

Love is deep, meaningful and beautiful. It can never be compared to a commodity on display. However, small kindnesses, gestures and a listening ear can show that special person in your life how much you care.

Let’s not forget how Almighty Allah described the marriage relationship:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect” (Quran 30:21).

The financial crisis has touched countries all across the world and many people are forced to be careful with their money, so if a couple has defined the expression of their love through materialism, they will certainly not be satisfied. Where does this leave such a couple?

If they base their relationship on the myriad of feelings and emotions that bind them; they will not be dependent on exchanges gifts and giving material items to keep that connection alive. The greatest foundation that connects a couple is feelings of friendship. If a couple can have realistic expectations of each other and focus on enjoying positive interaction they are much more likely to have a happy marriage.

A loving relationship is not sustained just by romance but by the everyday activities the couple shares, keeping promises, being there for each other, being honest especially in times of conflict and each maintaining a character that is easy to love and be loved. As the honeymoon period wears off it is the friendship that exists between the couple that drives them to a higher level in their relationship. This can only happen when each person is aware of their weaknesses and acknowledges that the relationship must always be worked on; it must be continually nurtured.

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The greatest gift a couple can give each other is forgiveness. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) asked his Companions, “Do you wish that Allah should forgive you?” They said, “Of course Prophet of Allah.” He responded, “Then forgive each other.”

We are human beings and will ultimately hurt each other despite the love we feel. Therefore, one of the main components of a happy marriage is that the couple is able to forgive. They should never hold grudges or be judgmental towards each other. The challenge for both parties is not to dwell on the wrongs said or done or to lay blame, but to move past it. If the couple is too stingy to forgive, this higher level in their relationship will not be achieved.

When it comes to exchanging gifts, we should remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), “Exchange presents with one another, for they remove ill feelings from the hearts.” (Tirmidhi)

At the same time, however, we should fully realize that the long-lasting love that we all hope for does not have a price tag and grows from a place in our hearts that is far removed from this material world.


25 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

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We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

6 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

Influences of the past —
Stories, desire and a vivid imagination
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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

7 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

7 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

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