I'm (still) a Young Single Muslim Lady...One Muslimah's Journey on Finding the ONE

person holding quran book
Photo by Masjid Pogung Dalangan / Unsplash

I started looking for a marriage partner late when I was 24 years old after finishing my education. I have the total freedom to choose my own marriage partner but did not date when I was younger as I wasn’t interested in casual relationships and wanted to fulfill my duties from a religious perspective. I’m now 32, still single and nowhere near finding the right marriage partner.

In eight years I have tried various routes; some good, some not so good. I have had to listen to insensitive comments such as “she’s fussy”, “love conquers all”, “it’s kismet“ and “bechari”. I have seen hundreds of marriage prospects from one introduction to several meetings over the years through family, friends and other means.

When I first started, I used my mum and her connections. To say this was an experience would be understatement. Without disrespect to any of the prospects I saw, none of them fulfilled my marriage criteria (which isn’t huge in the first place!). Nevertheless, I did always remain polite, hospitable and gave every single one a chance. What I learnt from this experience was that upbringing is really important. There are people, especially Muslim men (and their mothers!) who have no manners or decency at all. For some families, it was a good day out. Window-shopping, being paraded (like at a meat market) with a free lunch or dinner thrown in may appeal to some people. My family and I on the other hand remained resilient and excused some people and their bad behaviour and ignorant comments about minor things such as class, religion, caste and looks. I very quickly began to pick up on time wasters through the conversations and within one meeting became good at spotting those who were merely there to satisfy their parent’s needs. Muslim men these days need to understand that Muslim women are not desperate. With regards to mentality, it’s amazing when you meet people who claim their modernity, but when you meet their family, visit their home or converse with them, they are mentally still trapped in dogma laid down by culture not religion.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe in some traditional aspects of culture but this whole experience (despite being brought up in a balanced modern way) was enough to make me question religion and seek a marriage partner outside of Islam. I stopped for a while, as it became draining and taxing having to meet people who weren’t meeting certain criteria. When family and friends introduce you, you sometimes need to make exceptions and also trust what people tell you over the phone.

opened book page
Photo by Masjid Pogung Dalangan / Unsplash

I tried speed dating next through attending organized marriage events. I did this for years too. Different organisers had different ways of doing things, but overall I would say this experience was a waste of time. Firstly, I’m an introvert and hate conversing amongst large groups and secondly, people are reserved at approaching others in front of other people. It seemed to me that every event I went to, only the most physically attractive would be approached, numbers swapped and the rest just looked on. Luckily I knew one of the organisers and she always made me feel better by explaining that the most popular guys and girls were not successful in terms of finding a partner. The other problem I found was that a lot of men and women were looking for partners on their own without their Walis. This is often a problem as when meeting them for the first time, they could be happy with you but their family/your family isn’t. From this I learnt, that it’s best to have your family alongside you.

Meeting prospects on their own was an entirely different experience. From the downright boring “I go to the gym” conversation to the “do you club/go drinking?” Sigh. Not being one to judge anyone else, as I have to look at myself first and foremost, first meetings were always dreaded. I learnt to not bother wasting my time with blind dates anymore.

Next was online halal dating through blogs, social media and matchmaking sites. Now here’s an experience to tell! In a virtual world, anyone can write whatever he or she wants. They can post whatever images they want. I tried a few blogs where I felt there might be compatibility with some likeminded people but location and age and also trust was a big factor.  Not fully knowing the person and having your parents accept it is a really big deal. I don’t use Instagram but the last post from MuzMatch has made me think very seriously about it (although I’m not ashamed to admit that I tried a career social networking site for a while too!).

Photo by NeONBRAND / Unsplash

Without finding success for many years, I tried Muslim match-making sites. Dear God.  I met all sorts! From those with fake or old pictures to those only on there to have a good time. I met lots of men who deliberately run game on women to pass the time whilst looking for the ‘real thing’. I even had some of them admit it to me. Luckily, I have always been astute and can spot red flags and signs of lewdness from a mile away. It saddens me to think some decent men and women who aren’t will eventually end up being played or misguided by some of these people. They won’t even realise it. After trying a well-known Muslim matchmaking site for a year, I finally gave up on the whole marriage front. None of these avenues have been successful for me. I’m a decent, modern Muslim woman, who wants a decent modern husband without the craziness!

Now, I know I’m a Muslim and have no long-term intention of using Tinder but I wanted to see what it was like after all the hype. The concept really appealed to me but I felt it was too basic just like the family and friend introductions. I needed something a bit more. I had already previously tried the MuzMatch website but hadn’t had any success on it so when the app came out, I decided to have a go.

Being open to all possibilities, I would say so far so good! The app is reliable, has privacy controls and suits my needs. I’m able to search for marriage prospects wherever I am, choose potential prospects without any long awkward conversations/introductions and swipe away anyone I’m not interested in. As a mature woman, I know what I like and what I don’t. A profile says a lot about a person and whilst it is easy to dismiss someone you don’t know who might be a match, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. After using it for a while, I still haven’t haven’t met the right person but there are several features of the app that appeal to me;

  1. I love the fact that you have to register your mobile phone. This will detract any timewasters, which can easily be followed up and reported. This guarantees my safety when using the app. I have heard of instances of where people have had to use police interference with regards to unsavoury characters and the use of tracking and location is a brilliant feature. Location-wise it automatically shows matches near me, which is awesome. Two taps is all it takes! I hope MuzMatch will expand and be able to offer a feature where you can find other single Muslims whilst out socialising (those who aren’t registered on MuzMatch just like other modern apps).
  2. You must have a photo up – whilst these can be unrepresentative, it does save a whole lot of time because let’s be realistic we all have a type even those of us who didn’t date so when you men go on about superficial aspects then please expect the same in return from women. I can also hide my photo should I wish to do so; I would hope people would want to know me and my character rather than just my looks but realistically we live in a superficial world and to deny this would be ignorant.
  3. Whilst I’ve never had to pay a fee (being a woman), the swipe element allows me to swipe off any timewaster or person I don’t wish to communicate with ever again. It also saves me time from looking at outdated profiles as it has a last active feature visible on it.
  4. I save myself the embarrassment of a rejection and months of heartache if there’s no match through swiping. It also prevents any man wasting my time because he’s seeing several women at the same time and unsure of which he prefers. I’m not looking for friendship or ‘friends with benefits’ – I’m looking for a husband.
  5. I can use the app and add on my parents whenever I want. Luckily, I have amazing parents who always trust my instincts and support my decisions so for those who want their families to take more of an active role, this is a great feature.
  6. I’m quite sociable and like talking to people in real time. No more excuses of emails being unread or going missing; and definitely no opportunities for people to ignore you.

I think some Muslim men and women (including their families) need to grow up. Basic courtesy and manners falls under the etiquette of Islam. I believe the way you treat a person who can do nothing for you shows your character – no matter how you try to dress it up in front of others! Regardless of moving forward or not, you should treat others with the same respect and courtesy bestowed upon yourselves. The marriage process is a great indicator of character.

Some people may say that my standards are too high but when it comes to marriage, I only intend to do it once, wherever and however it may be written Insha’Allah. Please make dua I find HUBBY through MuzMatch soon ????

The muzmatch app is the first to offer cutting edge features for Muslim’s looking to find their perfect marriage partner using their smartphones – however religious you are. The app has been built from the ground up with privacy, security and ease of use in mind – there is nothing like it out there! Say goodbye to expensive, dated matrimonial websites full of fake and inactive profiles. muzmatch is absolutely free for all Muslims worldwide and always will be!

Download for free today on iPhone or Android!

31 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

Wintery iPhone Flat Lay Mock Up
Photo by Emma Matthews / Unsplash

I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

Photo by Ross Parmly / Unsplash

We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

1 day ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

Influences of the past —
Stories, desire and a vivid imagination
attract people to this place.
Photo by Simon Matzinger / Unsplash

I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

2 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

2 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

© 2019 muzmatch Inc.