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Are We All Cut From The Same Cloth? Why Am I Not Married?

I have noticed the rise in articles, social media comments and blog posts categorising the ever-increasing number of single women over 28. Its seems that women are stereotyping women, telling us how women feel about the search for their soul mate and the “inevitable” outcome that they will be shopping for a kitten if they don’t find him.

However, I would like to ask other single women (and otherwise) to refrain from stereotyping us. Everyone has a path in life, an individual journey that is written for him or her. We live through our individual set of circumstances and deal with them in our individual ways. I am not career orientated and I do not think that men are seeking an unrealistic ideal. I am not concerned about my biological clock ticking and it does not phase me that my friends are all married. I just have not met my soul mate… Yet.

That being said, I am still left wondering why I am single. Why haven’t I found my perfect match at work or when I go out? It may be because I am part of the pre technology generation. I grew up having the best of both worlds where I played outside and I communicated through verbal speech. I was then introduced to technology Pre University, I had a mobile phone and I discovered MSN. I think I did quite well in adapting my innate skills to my acquired skills, or did I?! Online dating, oops, correction, online spouse searching is just so difficult. The obvious option would be to use my skills, send a few messages then arrange to speak on the phone or even meet but I can’t seem to get past the “hi, how was your day today?”  topic.

It might be because I am lost between the generation where arranged marriages were the norm and the generation where “love marriage” is not said with a whisper. Being coy comes naturally to me when I come across a single guy. I question myself, would it give off the wrong impression if I was to reciprocate a guys glances in my direction or the blatant car horn beep or to call a number left on my car because it’s just the confident girls who do that, right? Well, just last week a guy stopped his car near mine and asked for directions. I gave him the directions and started moving away. He then asked my name and what I do, mayday mayday runnnnnnn were clearly my thoughts because I just started walking away. He asked for my name again, ah second chance… I said he was too young for me and walked off. What was I thinking?! He was not too young, well at least he didn’t look it and he was making the effort. I might search the Internet for some Anti Coy lessons later.

When I turned 32 I came to the realisation that I do need to put myself out there (calm down, it’s a figure of speech). I joined muzmatch and after 5 months I decided it was time to actually be proactive so I did the unthinkable, I made my picture public! The fear that someone I know might see my picture has gone. It is no secret that I am searching and if they are on the app then they too are in the same position. It is the first ‘site’ I have come across where people are genuinely looking for marriage. Guys talk about what they are looking for and ask me what I want. More importantly, there was no assumption that I may be one of the married women using an alias to meet someone to help me pass some time.

I have also found that men are in the same position. The taboo around women being single after a certain age falls on them too but it is I who is guilty of doing this. I should not be asking the question “why are you 34 and not married?” I should know that he too is just on his path searching, waiting to come across his soul mate.

I am making a conscience effort to not have any preconceptions about men and I hope guys and women alike avoid having preconceptions of others. We are all different and looking for different things, let’s embrace this, live and let live and concentrate on our own lives and our own searches.

From a muzmatch user.

53 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

muzmatch x My Big Fat Halal Blog

Hey everyone, it’s Ayesha from My Big Fat Halal Blog (MBFHB)! MBFHB is one of the UK’s biggest halal food platforms where I share halal restaurant reviews, recipes and travel guides! You can find out more about what I do on my website or Instagram.

Today, I’m collaborating with muzmatch to share some of my top Ramadan recipes. We hope you try them out and we would love to see any of your recreations.

DATE SUHOOR SMOOTHIE BOWL:

Here’s a simple recipe for this delicious, filling smoothie bowl packed with nutritious dates… the only dates you should be having this Ramadan! ;)

Suhoor Smoothie Bowl

INGREDIENTS

1 banana, plus extra slices to garnish

5 pitted medjool dates, plus extra, chopped, to garnish

250ml semi-skimmed milk

2 tsp cocoa powder

1⁄2 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tbsp ground nuts, to decorate

METHOD

Simply put all the ingredients in a blender, and whizz until smooth. Pour into a bowl, over ice, if you like, then arrange the nuts, extra banana and dates over the top to serve.

POTATO CUTLETS:

Let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be Ramadan without fried treats! Below is a recipe for my spicy, moreish potato cutlets.  They’re always a hit with everyone!

Potato Cutlets

INGREDIENTS

750g Maris Piper potatoes, peeled and cut into large chunks

11⁄2 tbsp garam masala

2 tsp chilli powder

1 tbsp ground coriander

Handful of coriander, roughly chopped

2 tbsp plain flour

1 egg, lightly beaten

60g breadcrumbs

3 tbsp vegetable oil

Chutney/spicy salsa, to serve

METHOD

1.Put the potatoes in a large pan and cover with water. Bring to the boil, then cook for 18-20 mins, until tender. Drain and set aside for 15-20 mins, until cool enough to handle.

2. Add the garam masala, chilli powder, ground coriander and fresh coriander to the potatoes. Season, then mash until smooth.

3. Wet your hands, then shape the mixture into 10 round patties, about 1cm thick.

4. Put the flour, egg and breadcrumbs onto separate plates, then dip each patty first in the flour, then the egg, then the breadcrumbs to coat.

5. Heat the oil to medium-high, then fry the patties in batches for 2-3 mins on each side, until golden brown. Drain on kitchen paper, then serve with a chutney/ spicy salsa for dipping.

UM ALI:

A feast would not be complete without dessert! Try out this delicious Egyptian bread pudding known as Um Ali. It’s made with croissants, nuts and condensed milk and it’s absolutely delicious!

Um Ali

INGREDIENTS

850ml semi-skimmed milk

1⁄2 x 397g can condensed milk

1⁄2 tsp ground cardamom

1⁄4 tsp ground cinnamon, plus extra to serve

1 tsp vanilla extract

100ml double cream

1 tsp unsalted butter

4 all butter croissants, roughly torn

2 tbsp desiccated coconut

2 tbsp flaked almonds

2 tbsp unsalted pistachios, chopped

2 tbsp seedless raisins

METHOD

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C/fan 160°C/Gas 4.

2. Stir the milk, condensed milk, cardamom, cinnamon and vanilla extract together in a saucepan. Slowly bring to the boil and simmer gently for 2mins, stirring occasionally. Add the cream and carefully bring back to the boil, then remove from the heat.

3. Using the butter, grease a round baking dish, roughly 22cm in diameter and 5cm deep, and cover the base with half the croissant pieces.

4. Sprinkle over half each of the coconut, almonds, pistachios and raisins, then pour over the milk mixture.

5. Top with the remaining croissants, nuts and raisins, plus an extra pinch of cinnamon.

6. Bake in the oven for 20-25mins until golden and bubbling, then leave to stand for 10 mins before serving.

I hope you enjoy these recipes and will try them out! You can find more of my recipes at mybigfathalalblog.com.

7 hours ago

One-Week Married! #muzmatchsuccess

My husband and I got married last week! I wanted to share our story with you. Jarred and I started talking earlier this year and had an instant connection.

Jarred is from Connecticut and I'm from Texas. He was in Arkansas for school and recently graduated and was interested in meeting someone so he downloaded muzmatch.

We started talking and realized how much we had in common and quickly became serious about each other. We complimented each another in so many ways: prioritizing our deen, family and wanting to make a positive difference in the world.

Jarred then drove to see me. After that, we were certain we wanted to get married and decided to have our nikkah before Ramadan. We've been married almost a month now and it's been a wonderful adventure!

We're so happy! Jazakallah khair for connecting us!

8 hours ago

Our Mixed Race Marriage #muzmatchsuccess

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah and the muzmatch team!

I'm from Indonesia and my husband is from Germany, but he is Russian.

What a blessing it is to have a mixed raced marriage!

I knew my husband from muzmatch since May 2017 and then he visited Indonesia in November 2017. I didn't believe he was serious until he visited me and my family.

Months later, I flew to Germany and found work there because I wanted to be close to him.

I was in love.

Finally on 28 Dec 2018, we had our nikkah which fell on the last Jumu'ah of the month and in March 2019 we got officially married.

Thank you to the muzmatch team!

1 day ago