I have noticed the rise in articles, social media comments and blog posts categorising the ever-increasing number of single women over 28. Its seems that women are stereotyping women, telling us how women feel about the search for their soul mate and the “inevitable” outcome that they will be shopping for a kitten if they don’t find him.
However, I would like to ask other single women (and otherwise) to refrain from stereotyping us. Everyone has a path in life, an individual journey that is written for him or her. We live through our individual set of circumstances and deal with them in our individual ways. I am not career orientated and I do not think that men are seeking an unrealistic ideal. I am not concerned about my biological clock ticking and it does not phase me that my friends are all married. I just have not met my soul mate… Yet.
That being said, I am still left wondering why I am single. Why haven’t I found my perfect match at work or when I go out? It may be because I am part of the pre technology generation. I grew up having the best of both worlds where I played outside and I communicated through verbal speech. I was then introduced to technology Pre University, I had a mobile phone and I discovered MSN. I think I did quite well in adapting my innate skills to my acquired skills, or did I?! Online dating, oops, correction, online spouse searching is just so difficult. The obvious option would be to use my skills, send a few messages then arrange to speak on the phone or even meet but I can’t seem to get past the “hi, how was your day today?” topic.
It might be because I am lost between the generation where arranged marriages were the norm and the generation where “love marriage” is not said with a whisper. Being coy comes naturally to me when I come across a single guy. I question myself, would it give off the wrong impression if I was to reciprocate a guys glances in my direction or the blatant car horn beep or to call a number left on my car because it’s just the confident girls who do that, right? Well, just last week a guy stopped his car near mine and asked for directions. I gave him the directions and started moving away. He then asked my name and what I do, mayday mayday runnnnnnn were clearly my thoughts because I just started walking away. He asked for my name again, ah second chance… I said he was too young for me and walked off. What was I thinking?! He was not too young, well at least he didn’t look it and he was making the effort. I might search the Internet for some Anti Coy lessons later.
When I turned 32 I came to the realisation that I do need to put myself out there (calm down, it’s a figure of speech). I joined muzmatch and after 5 months I decided it was time to actually be proactive so I did the unthinkable, I made my picture public! The fear that someone I know might see my picture has gone. It is no secret that I am searching and if they are on the app then they too are in the same position. It is the first ‘site’ I have come across where people are genuinely looking for marriage. Guys talk about what they are looking for and ask me what I want. More importantly, there was no assumption that I may be one of the married women using an alias to meet someone to help me pass some time.
I have also found that men are in the same position. The taboo around women being single after a certain age falls on them too but it is I who is guilty of doing this. I should not be asking the question “why are you 34 and not married?” I should know that he too is just on his path searching, waiting to come across his soul mate.
I am making a conscience effort to not have any preconceptions about men and I hope guys and women alike avoid having preconceptions of others. We are all different and looking for different things, let’s embrace this, live and let live and concentrate on our own lives and our own searches.
From a muzmatch user.
Get married, free, on muzmatch.
My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.
He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.
About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.
I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.
My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.
It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,
I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".
I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.
I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.
We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.
We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.
Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.
We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.
Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.
His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.
Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.
The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.
We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.
Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).
I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.
Halima & Arshad
My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.
The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.
We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.
I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.
I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside. He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!
I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.
After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.
I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.
Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.
It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.
I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.
Get married, free, on muzmatch.
My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.
We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!
I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.
The next day he replied to me and the is history. Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.
Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.
One last thing to everyone using the muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!
Get married, free, on muzmatch.