A Single Muslim Man Speaks Out

By Abdul-Hameed

"For a single man in my mid 30s expectations are high."

I have often wondered whether this is an active choice, a curse, or simply a matter of circumstance. At my age and from my cultural background almost everyone I know is married and has children. At times I wonder whether it is the lifestyle I have adopted, but at other times partition blame to the circumstances which life have tasked me with. Just the other day it happened again. A moment glimpse, and she – a stranger – caught my eye; my breath literally, taken away. But as with every other similar opportunity, some momentary, just minutes,  others prolonged over weeks and months, the old Arab adage holds true: an opportunity is akin to a cloud in a sky; rare and infrequent.

Arranged Introductions, But…

For a single man in my mid 30s, expectations are high. One ought to be established, I am not. And as someone now living their fourth decade of life, I’ve adopted norms and expectations, with which, 10 years ago, I may have been considerably more flexible.

It is not to say that there are no single women, on the contrary, they are many. The Muslim introduction events are full of them – as they are, of men. The dilemma is more of a schism related to upbringing and expectation that becomes all the more complex with age.

What am I looking for you might ask? Not too much I once thought. Good manners, good character, good personality, confident but not aggressive. Independent yet family orientated. It is pretty much, in parallel to faith, the middle path, a little bit of everything but not too much of anything. Perhaps the worst analogy is a jack of all trades but a master of none. Yet herein lays one of the problems. Some months ago I was introduced to someone, a lovely person. Problems arose and the matter came to an end. Months prior, there was another introduction. And so on. It has become a cycle of raised expectation with a dramatic fall on each and ever occasion. It tasks my mind, it troubles my soul and it stains the heart, weakening it at every turn. Pained, there is no other way to describe it; God forgive that it becomes apathy.

I went through religious learning at a much earlier age and have found my comfort zone. Many others are only now going through theirs. I am clear cut in what I believe, how I live and what I do. Others change from week to week. Of course these are not absolutes, nor are they indicative of a problem; faith, direction and inspiration are and should be sought throughout life. The problem is the learning curve which often begins with a stricter adoption of faith before it settles into a more balance position. Many of the single women I meet are going through a spiritual revival and are at the beginning of that curve. In my own comparatively liberal mindset, we are ought of synch.

Living with In-laws?
I feel at times as a character in a movie visited by the ghost of Christmas past intent on showing me my path had I selected different choices.We all have individual circumstances, I am no different. Thus being flexible is something engrained deeply into my psyche. And yet the older I get the easier it becomes for me to find fault, any reason why not to progress further.

I look back at and remember one of the first introductions made to me, a beautiful lady, my age, wonderful character, but her family’s expectation of me, even then, in my early 20s, was significantly higher; I simply wasn’t ‘successful’ enough for their daughter.

Here, to be clear, success relates to both wealth and professional achievement. A problem I faced then, just as I do now, is that I do not have my own property. With soaring property prices, shy of a miracle I do not imagine that to be remedied any time soon. Though as I have discovered with time, it is less about having my own home and more about now wanting to live with in-laws.

To me, having parents at home is a blessing. To many successful single women, despite originating from an Asian background, the notion is alien. Sure, we all want, need and should have our own privacy. There is nothing that I would love more than to be married, adopting the cliché of ‘settling down,’ and having a family – I look on in envy at any and every one I know who has been blessed so. But for whatever reason God has put me here where I am, instead of there where I would like to be.

It is said that one shouldn’t complain to other people, instead, complaints, concerns, requests, gratitude and thanks should be directed to God alone, so I do not raise the subject with my friends, preferring instead to address them with my Creator.

Yet every time I think to raise this as subject in my prayers, I am reminded of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me so I feel ashamed to complain. Instead, I will continue to pray and ask of God, but I will not complain. This approach isn’t pride, rather, in my understanding, it reflects, to me, manners.

The cycle continues.

Source: http://www.onislam.net/english/family/laying-foundations/marriage/455728-a-single-muslim-man-speaks-out-series.html

22 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

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We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

3 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

Influences of the past —
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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

4 days ago

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Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

4 days ago

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