80 Emails and No Flirting

When I was first introduced to my husband, I sent him a two page profile of myself by email. On one page was ‘who I am’ and on the next was what I am looking for in a partner. In return he sent me three points about himself and asked me three straightforward questions.

In the first week of knowing each other we had exchanged about 80 emails. Yes, you read it right. EIGHTY. We weren’t flirting or indulging in small talk. These were serious back and forth discussions about our priorities in life, where we see ourselves in a few years, our expectations of a partner etc. I don’t have to say this, but obviously I was the one asking most of the questions- ‘What do you think about women working? ‘What do you think abuse means?’ ( I actually asked that) ‘When do you want to have children (if at all)?’– I bombarded him with question after question and he patiently answered each one of them. It took us both two months, Skype calls, and a meeting to ‘seal the deal’. He tells me now that my first two page “autobiography” told him that I was who he was looking for.

This introduction sets the tone of our relationship. I am the crazy one all over the place, and he is my rock, without whom I’d be adrift. On my part, I ensure we have a bit of fun too in the series of chores and bills that is life. He jokes that I am the PRO of our marriage, the one who is the face of our marriage and ensures we are maintaining the ties. In our marriage I find that we perfectly complement each other’s flaws and goodnesses. Most of it is because we both fervently prayed that Allah blesses us with a spouse who is ‘coolness to our eyes’ but a part of it is also because we did our homework BEFORE we got married.

Ours is a funny culture, this desi one. We spend ages ordering off a menu in a restaurant (butter chicken and garlic naan in the end), but when it comes to selecting a partner FOR THE ENTIRE FRIKKIN’ LIFE we expect a man and a woman to meet for a few hours (some times less than an hour) and finalise it then and there. In some cases it’s worse, the people who are supposed to get married never meet before the wedding day! The parents meet the prospective son/daughter in law and decide on behalf of their child. What sense does this make? You are going to live with your husband/wife NOT your mother in law. Imagine finding out after getting married that your partner doesn’t want kids or wants one in the first year itself? How can you live with someone without knowing if you are on the same page when it comes to religion/finances/children/rights and responsibilities?

One of my favourite metaphors in the Qur’an is that God has made spouses as garments for each other. A garment is supposed to shield you, hide your flaws, accentuate your good features, and, above all- protect you from external elements. Outside of your own body, the garment you wear is the closest thing to you. Your spouse is supposed to be like that. But how can they be a garment you love to don if someone else chose it for you? And really, who here likes their parents’ questionable fashion choices? 90s sleeve puffs and bell bottom pants anyone? Take their input, yes, but don’t just blindly accept their preferences and make it your own.

For those who are currently in the phase of looking for a partner. Please take this seriously. Forget about a deadline or what people will say. The very same people who taunt you for being single will turn their backs on you when you have a problem in your marriage. So ignore the ‘wedding’ and think about the ‘marriage’.Remember that the partner you choose will affect every sphere of your life, emotional, spiritual, professional, and even physical. While no two people can have the exact same tastes and outlook, it is ABSOLUTELY VITAL that you are on the same page when it comes to the BIG THINGS- Career/Finance/Children. The whole point of deal breakers is that they should be known before the deal is fixed, not after it is broken. Don’t tie your own noose because you have people breathing down your neck.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/nazreenfazal01/photos/a.112600175805284.1073741828.107489476316354/321691011562865/?type=3&theater

22 days ago

Get married, free, on muzmatch.

South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.

It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,

I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".

I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.

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I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.

We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.

We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.

Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.

Photo by Ross Parmly / Unsplash

We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.

His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.

Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.

Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

3 days ago

Egyptian Romance #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.

After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.

I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.  

Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.

It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.  

4 days ago

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Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

The next day he replied to me and the is history.  Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.  

Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.  

One last thing to everyone using the  muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!  

4 days ago

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