7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You

Ever wish you could read your husband’s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.

However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.

Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words.

The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.

So, a lot of Muslim men and women go through their marriages with very little communication and never really knowing what the other person is thinking.

This quick list is for the Muslim sisters in my audience. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesn’t know how, or want, to tell you.

Photo by Cathryn Lavery / Unsplash

1. Above All, He Desires Your Respect

I spoke about this in my article “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”.

In this article, I explained that women want to know their husbands love them, and men want to know their wives respect them.

It’s important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families.

You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man, who tries his best to care for his family, to be married to a woman who doesn’t respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.

This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says:
Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard.
Chapter 4, Verse 34

2. He Desires Your Loyalty

This goes hand in hand with respect.There’s nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.I’m not talking about infidelity. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage.What I’m talking about is knowing that the person whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them.

Most men won’t admit it, but we do need women. And we do need your support.And it’s very troubling to be married to a woman who may not be around when the going gets tough.If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife), you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly.

Your husband needs to know that you’re going to be by his side if:

  • He loses his job and the money gets tight.
  • He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
  • His reputation is tarnished or his honor is attacked.

You should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).

If you’re loyal to your husband, than rest assured he’ll be loyal to you.

3. He Wants To Have Sex More Often

Let’s get this right out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth.Men desire sex. Men really desire sex.

So when you give him the following excuses:

  • “I’ve got a headache.”
  • “I’m not feeling good.”
  • “Can’t it wait till the weekend? I’m really not in the mood.”

Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesn’t show it.And do this often enough, he’s going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.

Please keep the following hadith in mind:
When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
Bukhari and Muslim.

Something to think about.

4. He Thinks About Other Women

Okay, first of all, calm down. Don’t unsubscribe from my mailing list just yet. Let me explain this.
All men think about other women.

  • It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you.
  • It doesn’t mean he’s thinking about taking a second wife.
  • It doesn’t mean he’s fantasizing about another woman.

It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e. wife).

You’re better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:

  • Respect him.
  • Be loyal to him.
  • Give him physical love when he wants it.

Does this mean he’ll never take a second wife if you do these three things? Of course not.But it will raise your value in his mind relative to other woman and he’ll be all the more reluctant to look for those three things (respect, loyalty, and sex) elsewhere.

5. He Wants To Make You Happy

  • Why do you think men work so hard to make money?
  • Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business?
  • Why do you think men like buying women gifts?

Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy.

Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. But we really would prefer to remember because we know it would make you happy.

So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible.

  • If he buys you some jewelry, wear it.
  • If he buys you a new smartphone, use it.
  • If he buys you a car, drive it.

And don’t be so quick to nag him about the things he doesn’t do right. Because then he’ll start feeling that you don’t respect (there’s that word again) the things he does do for you.

6. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim

Nobody’s perfect.Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. Perhaps he’s not the best Muslim in the world.You can nudge him to make him better. But you can’t force him.

Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.

  • Offer to wake him up for Salaatul Fajr.
  • Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid.
  • Tell him how much nicer he’d look if he grew his beard.

This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to.But if you do this right, you’ll be getting a double reward:

The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth.

Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.Chapter 103, Verse 3

7. He Loves You, Even If He Doesn’t Always Show It

I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. But it’s true (usually).
Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless we’re talking sports or politics).
We don’t tell our wives “I love you” often enough.

We’re not perfect. And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ain’t helping.Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (pbuh) as much as we can. And for most of us, we are doing the best we can.

But we just can’t treat you the same way he (pbuh) treated his wives. Similarly, it’s unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (RA) and his other wives (RA) did.

Just because your husband doesn’t treat you in the way (you think) the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives, doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you.

It just means he’s human.It is very important that you understand this.

  • If he’s doing his best to take care of you.
  • If he doesn’t abuse you or sleep around.
  • If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can.
  • Then chances are he loves you. A lot.

Now move from in front of the television and go make me a sandwich.

JUST KIDDING!

By Abu Ibrahim Ismail

Source: http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/

21 days ago

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South African Match! #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.

He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.

We did our Nikah last month (March 9th 2019).

About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.

I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.

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We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.

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Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.

The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.

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Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).

I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.

Halima & Arshad

3 days ago

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My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.

The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.  

We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.  

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I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.

I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside.  He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!

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It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.

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3 days ago

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Close Call #muzmatchsuccess

My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.  

We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!    

I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.

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3 days ago

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