It’s no secret that marriage takes work. After all, we’re only human, and humans make mistakes, have bad days and sometimes even forget to load the dishwasher (again).
Nevertheless, some couples are able to foster happy, healthy, totally awesome marriages that actually do last a lifetime. How?
A a Reddit thread emerged Sunday asking the happily hitched to reveal their secrets to marital success. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Be nice.
“Choose kindness whenever you can — you should be AT LEAST as nice to your spouse as you would a stranger or you were when you started dating.”
2. Enjoy each other’s company.
“My wife and I are each other’s best friend. We like each other’s company. We like having fun. We like doing stuff together. We are honest and direct with one another.”
3. Say “I love you” as much as possible.
“Overuse ‘I love you’. Seriously. Just say it to him/her like five times and MEAN IT. This lets your SO know that you care. Look at them and say ‘I love you so much, you mean the world to me, I appreciate all the things you do for me and our family.'”
4. Be honest.
“Be honest about stuff that annoys you, don’t sweat the small stuff.”
5. Limit outside influences.
“Out of state in-laws.”
6. Small tokens of love go a long way.
“Lots of wee lovings. Frequent demonstrations, in the form of gifts, and expressions of affection, which indicate your emotional addiction.”
7. Distance can and will make the heart grow fonder.
“Have alone time. I believe that it helps if you or your partner goes away for a couple of hours, a weekend or maybe a week once in a while. My wife travels to Europe every four months and I get to play video games and eat fried dumplings all day long and I enjoy it — until day four at which I start missing her and wish she was here. So when I pick her up from the airport we are both happy to see each other again.”
8. Be realistic.
“Me and my wife constantly acknowledge what we love about one another, but also wenever forget about the 80/20 rule. No one person will ever give you a 100 percent of what you need, we estimate that we each give each other about 80 percent of what the other person needs in a relationship. Recognizing this allows you see the reality of your partnership and not over-romanticize it.”
9. Cherish each other.
“Don’t forget how important the little things are, like a hug or a compliment. Don’t take each other for granted.”
10. Be your own person.
“One must understand the importance of we, but also remember there will always be a you and I. It’s so easy to the think of yourselves as one person once you get married or start dating. But you always have to remember that you’re both completely separate individuals in that, as close and as similar you are, you will have differences in opinion and taste.”
11. Build a strong foundation of friendship.
“You have to be friends. Your husband or wife should be someone that you’d want to hang out with. Of course you have to have the sexual aspect but that’s not enough to sustain a relationship. You’re going to go through hard times and you need someone who you want to spend your time with.”
12. Know that relationships are a two way street.
“Be honest about what you want and need and listen to your spouse about what they want and need.”
13. Lastly, no marriage is perfect — and that’s okay.
“Understand that nothing is perfect forever. There are going to be disagreements. There will be times when your partner says or does something that hurts you. The happy relationships will talk about it and work through it. The bad relationships will let it stew until it becomes an even bigger problem.”
Get married, free, on muzmatch.
My name is Halima and I'm from Gauteng, South Africa and my husband (Arshad) is from Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa; we are both South African Indians.
He liked my profile on muzmatch on the 8th of April 2018 and on the 9th we started chatting and Alhamdulillah, today we are husband and wife.
About a month before I joined muzmatch I remember speaking to my mother in the kitchen as we cooked supper and she had full confidence that I'd be getting married soon.
I told her that I felt that maybe I'm just not meant to get married and be happy, taking into consideration that I personally felt like one could never find a decent man whose intention is to make Nikah in this day and age.
My Moulana had recommended that I join Nikah/Muslim match-making groups and muzmatch populated amongst my searches, so I downloaded the app and registered. After a while I had lost hope so I deleted the app from my phone but did not deactivate my profile.
It was a Monday morning, I had woken up to get ready for work,
I checked my phone and I had an email notification from muzmatch which read "Arshad likes you".
I was quite surprised; I looked at his profile and his biography was quite captivating but it seemed so surreal - this was too good to be true.
I used the link in his bio to view his Facebook profile, we had a mutual friend which was my cousin that also resides in Kwa-Zulu Natal, so I felt a bit more assured that this is definitely real considering that I had started to think that this could potentially be a catfish.
We started chatting that very morning and there was an instant click. It felt like we were long lost friends because of how well we understood each other and could complete each others sentences. We had the same interests and the same intention; we could speak for hours on end without running out of things to say.
We had realized that we are most definitely soulmates.
Within 2 weeks he called my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. In July 2018 (21st), I booked a flight to visit him and his mum for the day and after spending time together we knew that this was the right decision and that Allah SWT had created us for each other.
We then saw each other once again in August 2018 (25th - A surprise for my 21st birthday planned by him and my mum); and again in November 2018 when he flew up to attend my younger sister's wedding with his mum, younger sister and brother-in-law.
Slowly the long distance had become difficult, our younger sisters were both already married and settled and we started wondering when would we actually get married. In February this year he decided to relocate to Gauteng and found a temporary job.
His dad visited my parents and they decided to set a Nikah date, Alhamdulillah once the date was set everything fell into place by the will of Allah. He found a job as a PC Engineering lecturer and we were able to find our own place with our parents help and support.
Today I am happily married, living my dream with my husband and I have wonderful in-laws that love me as much as they love Arshad.
The most important quality I wanted in a husband was someone that could take my family as his own and Alhamdulillah I found that in Arshad.
We are now a huge happy family Alhamdulillah.
Jazak'Allah muzmatch! Arshad has found me due to the creation of this wonderful app (He always says that he found me, not the other way around).
I would advise everyone to put their trust and faith in Allah SWT, never give up hope that Allah SWT will send the one who is meant for you when the time is right - for Allah is the greatest of planners. May all the other individuals find their spouses through this app as well Insha'Allah.
Halima & Arshad
My name is Yasmeen and I found my husband, Taymoor, on muzmatch on the last day of last ramadan. We were both divorced.
The first time we talked on muzmatch was in June and we got married one month later in August 2018. I always wanted to send our story to inspire others who are searching for a good husband and wife.
We are both Egyptians, from Cairo, we even work & live very near to each others in New Cairo city. I am a digital marketing manager and Taymoor is an IT manager. I am 37 years old and he is 40.
I have a daughter who is 12 years old, and I was searching for a real Muslim man who would be a good husband and father. Finally I found Taymoor, who is a good man and a good Muslim, he is very kind.
I am telling my friends that I found someone who really looks like me from the inside. He was divorced and also has a kid, who is 5 years old. When we first chatted on muzmatch we spoke for over 6 hours, he was surprised much we got on, he even thought that this was a prank!
I couldn't believe that I finally found the man I was looking for. The first time we met, was after Eid al futr, in the House of Cocoa, as Taymoor knew that I loved chocolate. We talked about ourselves for over six hours, I did not want to leave and neither did he.
After we met I told my family and friends, and he did too. He and his family visited us and we got married in only two months, I never imagined that I would find my soulmate and marry him that fast.
I always wanted to find a man to trust and love, after being a single mom for years, I found out that my dream man was hard to find, but alhamdullah I found him on your app.
Alhamdullah, we are very happy together, my daughter lives with us and his son visits us on the weekends. You cannot imagine how much I am now recommending muzmatch to all my friends.
It didn't even take me long to find my husband. I used the app for almost one month or less.
I am so happy alhamdullah now that I married a real muslim I always wanted.
Get married, free, on muzmatch.
My name is Sara and I just wanted to thank muzmatch and let you know that I finally got engaged on 24th December 2018 and found my Fiance - Ghazunfar on the App.
We are really happy Alhamdulilah and just wanted to thank you for creating a platform for Muslims to find a suitable match for marriage!
I believe it's a real blessing because initially we matched but we didn't talk as he hadn't read my messages and was not appearing online. After around 4 weeks, I unmatched however after some weeks I logged in and I came across his profile again. After some giving it some thought I decided to rematch and give it a try again.
The next day he replied to me and the is history. Its been a almost a year since we matched on Muzmatch and we have set the Nikkah date which will be 1st March 2019 in Rawalpindi, Pakistan.
Our families are very happy and we are looking forward to entering into the blessed union of marriage Insha'Allah. We just wanted to say keep up the good work, may Allah bless you and request that you keep us in prayers.
One last thing to everyone using the muzmatch App - please do not give up, there is someone out there for us all!
Get married, free, on muzmatch.