So you’re getting to know someone on muzmatch for marriage. You have the same hobbies, your families are equally as crazy, and you’ve even made some time to meet each other soon. Everything seems perfect, so it’s okay to pour your heart out and tell them about all your secrets, hopes and dreams right? Right?
Not so fast! Consider me your digital big sister. I’m here to save you from ruining a good thing, and, your sanity. No matter how good things seem to be going with your current potential, here are four essential boundaries to maintain in every relationship, especially a new one!
In the whirlwind of a new relationship, satan can take advantage of your haste and vulnerability and encourage you to drop your religious standards for someone new. Temptations are normal and expected, but you have to remember who you are. Your relationship with Allah comes first, before a potential husband or wife. If you find yourself slipping: praying less, forgetting to remember God, or even committing sins you would have never even dreamed of doing – it’s time to take a step back and reinstate your boundaries.
Don’t make idols out of people. Remember, Allah can take them out of your life just as easily as he brought them to you. A relationship built on a strong religious foundation is something to aspire to. It doesn’t make the experience any less romantic.
You are entitled to your privacy when you are getting to know someone for marriage. Private information could include: where you live, where you work, your home life, family matters, and any sensitive information you don’t want a stranger to know about. To some degree, the person you’ve matched with, no matter how willing they are to get married to you, is still a stranger. They don’t get automatic access to your innermost thoughts and experiences just because they want to be with you. You decide when you think it’s right to open up.
In a burgeoning relationship, it’s normal to want to talk to that person all day. You want to share every part of your day and will scrape for any time you have to connect with them. Remember to hold yourself back when you notice this happening too much early on. If you start to notice that you are compromising the time you should be dedicated to working, studying or spending time with your family just to talk to this person, you need to set the boundary.
Reconsider how much time you are putting into this relationship. Perhaps you can both come up with a suitable schedule together. If they’re the right one, they will understand that you both have commitments that you need to maintain. And when you do have time for each other, it will be meaningful time to connect. That’s what quality time is all about.
Your future plans
In the first few conversations as you’re getting to know a potential spouse, you may start to discuss your future plans, such as when you ideally want to get married, your career plans and any other goals you have set for yourself. Naturally, the other person may comment on your vision and might even start to see themselves as part of those future plans. If you notice that they are making discouraging comments or start to deter you form the things you want to accomplish, hit pause. That's not okay. They don’t get to swing their way into your life and decide what or who you should be. They don’t have the right to control what you want to achieve in your life or doubt your ability to achieve it.
Draw this boundary right from the beginning and don’t let anyone hold you back. Either they are down for the journey with you, or you will know your worth and seek someone who is more on the same page.
You owe it to yourself to have boundaries before marriage. The right person will respect them and understand why you have them. Having these boundaries allows a more natural and sincere connection to develop. Whenever in doubt, seek Allah’s counsel and have tawakkul that things will work out just as they are supposed to.