Love is always in the air – whether you believe it or not. The Internet is filled with modern day love stories. Be it #WeMetOnmuzmatch or 'we married over Skype', love has no boundaries. Having said that, when it comes to working on the relationship, it is not as simple as it looks.
A relationship is complex. Just like a car requires all its wheels to work functionally, a relationship requires both partners to put in the effort. They can never be one-sided. Otherwise, it just wouldn’t work if one wheel stops moving.
From our elders and even from the Internet, we always hear the tips that can make any marriage or relationship work. One of the key factors to make any relationship work is communication. This is a no brainer: to make anything work, you need to start talking to each other. Because a relationship has two different individuals who come from different backgrounds, they are bound to have differences. But being different does not mean they don’t belong together, right?
Coming back to communication, it isn't always verbal. One accurate and highly underrated way to talk to your spouse is through writing. No, we don’t mean writing letters to them (if you want to write to them, we are not stopping you). But we mean writing about your partner to yourself, as a note to self.
Talking to your partner verbally or through text messages can get mundane. Let’s imagine you are angry at your spouse. You want to scream at them and even send them some long text messages. But here’s where we stop you and ask you to do something else. Pick up a pen, open your journal, and write your thoughts. Just keep writing them. Write whatever you want to write, no one is stopping you.
When you go through all this trouble and think while penning your feelings down, it allows you to do a little more thinking towards what you are saying. And why is that? Because writing how you feel requires more time and effort than verbally sharing what is on your mind. The time that you have on your hands when you sit down and start writing allows you to reflect on the situation.
Now let’s look into the situations when you should consider penning your feelings down:
It is not unusual that whenever you are angry or upset at your partner, you may end up saying things that you regret later. Sometimes you even end up blocking them on social media. Then again, you should not ignore the things or the signs that are making you upset. This leads to bottling up of emotions, which could explode out of you one day and damage your relationship even more.
So, whenever you are upset, anxious or angry at your partner, write those feelings down. Pen everything you are feeling. Later, look at the good and the bad things you have written and write a letter. Share that letter with your partner.
This exercise allows you to be more loving and gentle towards your partner. You can rephrase your thoughts before giving them the letter and eventually, you will see that they value your efforts.
Some people are not good at verbal communication. Perhaps you are unable to find the right words that can describe how you feel – be it happy or upsetting thoughts. It is due to this reason, writing the points down is the path to choose. In order to avoid miscommunication or delay sharing what you want, manually write things down. If not manually, you can even go for the written emails if you want to. But manually is perhaps the most traditional way to do things and people still love it.
Often when we talk about communication, we always talk about the negative things. Communicate with your partner when you are upset, communicate when you are hurt… so on and so forth. While these are important bits, it is also important that you show gratitude towards your partner.
Start with writing five things you love about them, or five things they have changed in your life ever since you met them. These little activities and little appreciation acts go a long way. They also rekindle those feelings, which might have been taken for granted.
Remember, you are still in love and it is important that you show this to them as well. Whenever you are thinking about them, drop a little note or even a message that you miss them. A simple I love you can make their day.
These are some little, but often taken for granted activities when it comes to writing to your partner. Follow these and notice how it creates a new feeling between the two of you.
The article is written by Vasy Kafidoff, who is interested in writing about relationships and how they can be nurtured through different exercises. He is a co-founder of letter writing service that helps people with their daily writing routines.