It’s easy to believe that this pandemic has been sent to stop you from meeting your would-be life partner. Allah himself has sent this ‘plague’ to punish you and mankind for their collective sins.
But like many events that seem cloudy, this cloud has a very silver lining.
We have all been blessed with enough time and space (mentally) to get know ourselves differently and anyone that we meet virtually.
Normally we are in a rush to swipe through people at the rate of knots, moving to the next person that will tick our boxes or get the approval from judgemental parents.
We are now in a state where we have to slow down and that includes our courtship process.
Here are four areas where you explore that will plant the seed of your relationship on fertile ground. These are four fundamental mindset shifts that you can implement right now that will set you on a path to a deep heartfelt connection.
From personal experience of coaching men and women with their dating lives over the last decade, I have seen that we often come to the process of finding a relationship with a long list of required traits and “needs”.
These can be anything from height (ladies are very guilty of this one), earning power, skin fairness, age, education and regularity of praying.
As much as we want these attributes to be as we want, we miss out on so many great people due them falling just (it can literally be by an inch) outside of our height range or them not being further enough along that religiousness sliding scale that we want. (I know a story of a woman that met her husband of 4 years and father of her two children because her height requirement didn't correctly save on the dating app she was using).
But now is a great time to relax some of those wants and needs.
As it's important to remember, compatibility is not done on your phone screen, but in the meeting of two like-minded souls.
Be a little more open-minded to who you are willing to match with and reap the rewards of meeting people slightly outside your type, who with time, could be perfect for you.
With dating apps, it's easy to hide behind a fuzzy picture, complain that no one is serious about getting married and bemoan your luck.
Be bold and show a picture of what you look like, smiling and laughing and, enjoying yourself. It's hard for people to get a sense for who you are when they can’t see you.
Plus having a clear picture of you helps you to stand out as someone that is both confident and serious with their intentions. Plus, gives a would-be suitor something more to message you about.
The second part of being bold is being willing to make the first move. This applies to both men and women, step your best foot forward with a message that conveys a thoughtful and inquisitive mind, not just the tied and boring, “Hey, How are you?”.
One of the men on the Authentic Dating Series Coaching Programme let us know recent that one of his video dates consisted of the women asking him to answer a list of pre-prepared questions and it left the date feeling flat and joyless.
By all means, have a few questions that you know what you want to ask, but also be truly curious about who the man or women you are talking is.
What are their interests? Why are they interested in those things?
Ask them about memorable moments in their life and why they are memorable.
Here is a tip, if you want to dig deeper into who someone is, ask them why they enjoyed/hated/loved something and then ask them how that thing made them feel at the time.
We are creatures of feeling and emotion. Feeling and emotion connect us more than anything.
We are sadly at the last point, but this is the most important one.
It’s easy to get caught up in what you think a potential partner ‘wants’ you to be like when writing your profile. “Oh, women want to get married quickly so I better put down I am looking for marriage soon” or “I better say my favourite thing to do is smelling the crisp autumn air as I walk to my local mosque for Fajr”.
But if these things aren’t true for you, all you will do is attract people that are looking for those things and then you will find an incompatibility or feel that you are manipulating someone from the moment you start talking.
Being authentic is about one of the best ways to save time & energy when it comes to finding a partner because it means that you are filtering out incompatible suitors before they have even gotten to you.
The men or women that do talk to you will know what you love and want for your life. And you will save time by not having to talk to people that just aren’t on your wavelength. And you want to talk to people that share your values, right?
It’s understandable that you may be looking at someone with the assumption you want someone that is going to grow with you as you you journey through life together. So you might think that you want someone that has a more regular praying habit than you do and that to find them you will have to tell some white lies. But these whites lies will come back to haunt you. But not in the way of judgement, but in the form of incompatibility and wasted time for both parties.
So being honest with how you are now, where you would like to grow towards, the values you hold dear and the type of relationship that is important to you is the way to go.
Being open, honest and authentic about your past, present, future and what you really value will set you up with a strong foundation of a relationship.
Author: David from the Authentic Dating Podcast
David didn’t struggle to communicate with women but had a deep-rooted fear of commitment and a fear of rejection that hampered his ability to create a deep meaningful relationship. But through self-development, solo travel and self-enquiry has come to undo his commitment and rejection fears and open himself up to whole new level of connection and coupled with his knowledge of how women feel, the feminine mind and tantric practices he is at a point in his life where he is deeply present with himself, his emotions and the emotions of the women he meets.
His podcast 'Authentic Dating' aims to empower men to elevate their relationships, through their podcast, events & coaching. He teaches a model of communication based on authentic expression & emotional intelligence that gives men a complete understanding of how to create the meaningful & passionate connections they desire.
Be sure to listen to it here! - https://apple.co/2LB7VRK