Finding the perfect partner can be so hard; someone that is compatible with you, shares your interests and values… sometimes it can feel impossible. But there’s nothing worse than going through that whole ordeal and finding someone that’s perfect for you, just for your parents to disapprove of them.
We hear too often of parents who think that the person their child is talking to is not good enough, and how some people have to spend ages trying to convince their parents of marriage. It can be difficult and create a lot of tension, either between you and your parents, or you and your partner.
This muzmatch success couple spent 3 years convincing their parents to let them marry, but Alhumdillallah it paid off in the end as they are now engaged.
Islamically, we know that the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) lists 4 reasons for marriage:
Of course piety is the quality of highest importance, however sometimes no matter how pious a person is, our parents just can’t accept them (could be due to cultural differences, etc.)
Rather than arguing with your parents, a better solution would be to be patient. You won’t be able to change your parent's minds overnight, it could take months or even years. But being patient is the key here, you need to show them you respect them and their opinion, talk to them in a calm and understanding manner (even if you don’t understand), and show them why they should let you marry. If it’s easier, perhaps try speaking to each parent separately rather than together.
Our parents are so used to making decisions for us and thinking they know what’s best for us, that it can be difficult for them to let go and see us as adults that make our own decisions. It may be easier to bring someone they respect to discuss this with them, it could be an auntie they trust, one of their friends, or even an imam. Hearing a third party perspective always sweetens the deal.
Honestly, this is the best thing you could do. Develop your relationship with Allah, constantly seek help, and ask for guidance. Make sure to pray Salat istikhara to make sure this is actually worth fighting over, as well as praying tahajjud.
An important point is to remember not to let this take up all your time and thoughts, yes it is important, but remember that Allah has already written and planned everything for us. Our main aim is to please him. While you wait you can increase your good deeds: volunteer within your local community, spend time visiting families and friends. It’ll also help take your mind off any stress you may be feeling over this issue.
We hope this helps, and if you have additional tips or stories, please do email us at email@example.com