For the past few months you have been receiving advice from our amazing agony aunties, but we have decided to switch things up and let our wonderful success couples answer some of your questions! For the next few weeks we have muzmatch success couple Ayesha and Jarred answering all of your burning questions.
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Disclaimer: Their responses are just their opinions, so follow it at your own risk!
I’ve been seeing everyone around me getting divorced- my friends, my aunt and uncle, my cousin and her husband. And after seeing all the pain they’re going through it’s making me not want to get married at all. Some of these stories have completely put me off marriage, but I do want a family of my own- basically what I’m asking is how can I protect myself from heartbreak? How can I be sure that someone is right for me, when so many people get married and divorce?
Don’t let the fear of other people’s marriages not working out keep you from pursuing marriage and happiness. As for how do you know if the person is the right one, physically attraction is obviously a must, but looks aren’t everything. The person who you want to spend the rest of your life with should feel like an old friend you always want to be with. You should have similar mindsets and personality types. For example, if your values don't line up, a relationship will be very difficult.
I completely understand and I'm sorry you're having to witness so many divorces and hope Allah makes it easier for the people going through them. It can be really scary making this decision and knowing whether it is the right one. What really helped me overcome these fears was researching relationships, marriage, and divorces and talking to friends and family openly about the challenges of marriage.
I ended up watching a ton of TED talks with informative speakers that were renowned therapists and experts in research and psychology. I also took a break from looking for a spouse and tried to understand what I personally wanted. All of this preparation and making frequent dua to Allah swt made me feel extremely certain when I met my husband. I loved the way he practiced Islam and I loved his heart. I knew he would make me happy and honestly I did not feel much anxiety about marrying him. I think that's a sign that things will work out inshAllah.
Thank you so much to Ayesha and Jarred for taking the time to answer these questions ❤️