If you’re twenty something, single and not living under a rock then you’ve probably tried meeting someone online. Now this can be a struggle for everyone. But when you’re twenty something, single and Muslim, it gets hard. As if being a Muslim in this day and age wasn’t hard enough you know?!
Young Muslims normally grow up in fairly traditional households, with their parents, aunties, uncles, neighbours and random people on the street asking them when they’re going to be getting married. I mean, you grow up with your parents telling you off for even talking about the opposite sex, let alone speaking to them. You grow up with dating being such a taboo subject and the words boyfriend or girlfriend were just never in your vocab. But then one day, you turn 21, have just finished uni, and suddenly your mum turns around and is like, “so when are you going to bring home someone suitable to marry?”. Don’t worry, we’ve all experienced the whiplash you get when someone goes from 0 to 100 and its annoying AF.
Alas, with technology and apps, young Muslims have found a way around this and the threat of having to settle for marrying their cousin that’s 3,000 miles away. Known as ‘halal dating’ Muslims can now with a simple click of an app find someone they think might be the one (and someone who hopefully thinks the same). They can get to know them whilst sticking to their Islamic values. When Muslim men and women date one another, it is with the intention of marrying one another or deciding against marrying. But in a world where most dating apps are still predominantly western, the struggle to maintain the halal in halal dating is hard work.
Online dating is FULL of people just looking for a casual, one night only sort of relationship (if you can even call it that). Being Muslim and trying to date halal is hard when you go through the effort of chatting to someone for a while only to find out that they aren’t looking for anything long term (let alone marriage lol). Also don’t get girls started on the 2am’ers who come around asking ‘what’s up’ and if ‘we’re free’. Let’s just all be thankful to Allah that Muslim dating apps like muzmatch are a thing now or we’d all be single forever.
You know what’s hard? Trying to find that one Pakistani guy from the same region as your family who ticks your parents’ boxes but also ticks your boxes as well. Like finding someone who shares your sense of humour, you find attractive and not just looking to find a girl who wants to stay in the kitchen all day while singlehandedly taking care of the kids. Actually, you know what’s worse? Finding the one for you and it turns out he’s not Muslim…
Look, let’s not beat around the bush shall we, we all have urges and they’re not going away any time soon. It’s a struggle going on dates, trying to get to know the person you might potentially marry and having to jump ten feet apart if your hands happen to brush against theirs. Just remind yourself that it’ll be worth the wait.
To be honest, most Muslim parents have come a long way considering they grew up with entirely different backgrounds and social norms, but it will never be easy explaining to your dad how you met your future husband or wife on an online app. Or explaining how the whole ‘don’t talk to strangers on the internet’ mantra just isn’t really a thing anymore.
This one is more applicable to the girls really but it can also happen to guys, I’m not here to discriminate. Sometimes you’ll be chatting away to someone and they suddenly ask if they can see some more of you. Now this can be as innocent as just asking for another picture of you out and about to see what you look like. Or it can be less innocent, if you get what I mean… at least it weeds out the ones who aren’t serious about you.
The holy month of Ramadan is all about being mindful and carrying out one of the five pillars of Islam. It’s definitely not about getting to know the guy you just started talking to. Meaning that you’re basically out of commission for a month out of the year and the only date that’s going to be acceptable is the one you eat when you break your fast.
These struggles are only scrapping the barrel but you get the idea. Have fun #keepingithalal girls and boys and remember that your date might be hot, but Jahannam is hotter.