Aishat’s Diary

Aishat’s Diary

8th February 2017 I had just woken up to a text from a guy I’d been speaking to for 4 months, confirming my suspicions and told me we should not pursue any kind of relationship anymore. Instead, we should “proceed separately” (exact words)! Was I upset? Yes. Did I cry? Yes. I had spent the last 2 years making positive changes in my life, getting a better handle on my faith, making better choices. So how come I was back to the same place? Another man who couldn’t see my worth. Was I really not good enough?

22nd March 2017 I had decided I was going to take a break from the dating scene. Before I deleted muzmatch, I got a notification informing me I had matched with someone and they had sent me a message. I didn’t get my hopes up. I thought it was probably just another pointless conversation that would ensue. I was wrong. He was across the Atlantic which I thought would create some obvious obstacles but I felt different about this one. From that day, it was hours of video calls, keeping in constant contact throughout the day (time difference permitting). I had no doubt about his interest in pursuing a relationship with me because he gave me no reason to. That was something I’d never experienced before. I’d even spoken to his parents within the first few weeks on Skype. Not once had any man before ever wanted to introduce me to their parents, talk less of doing it this soon. There was still a little bit of doubt though. I mean, this was all online after all. However, he flew over to come and see me a few months after that. Any doubts I had previously felt, vanished as soon as I saw him.

4th August 2017 We took our first trip together to Paris, 🇫🇷 a city neither of us had visited. It was a great trip. I left out the part where I got the biggest surprise when, on our second night during a dinner cruise, he got down on one knee and proposed to me.💍 I honestly cannot remember what he said, all I know is that I said yes and my knees literally went weak. I woke up the next morning in tears. Why? I have been so unlucky in love in the past and wondered why. I woke up that morning in tears because every failed relationship, every bad experience was worth it for this. This knowledge that all my prayers had been answered tenfold at a time when I was actually ready and mature enough to even think about starting a journey like this. I hadn’t found the perfect man, but I had found the perfect man for me. The best part about it? He loved me in ways that made me feel like I could do anything. That morning may have been the first time I’ve ever cried out of pure happiness! God’s timing is perfect. 🙏🏾

22nd April 2018 Fast forward some months and we were lucky enough to have the most amazing wedding weekend with all our friends and family.👰🏾🎩💍💃🏾 It was incredible that so many of our loved ones travelled from 3 different parts of the world to celebrate with us.🇬🇧🇺🇸🇳🇬 Planning a wedding is probably one of the more stressful things a couple can go through. Planning a wedding when both of you are in different continents, in 2 different time zones is another level. Or at least it felt like it. But it was worth it to have everyone show their love and support for us as we start this new chapter in our lives.

 

Now, I say all this just to illustrate how amazing life is. I truly believe that me growing stronger in my faith has led me here. None of this is my doing. Just thinking back through my journey of love and relationships, it’s amazing to see that everything I’ve wanted and prayed for that part of my life happened the way it did. In such a short space of time. That is definitely God’s handiwork.🙏🏾

There is an Ayah (Verse) in the Qur’an which states:

God will always relieve you of any hardship that you endure. With every hardship, comes twice the relief. If you keep strong in your faith, God will take care of everything else.

This rings true to me in all aspects of life, including what I have written about in this blog.

I am forever grateful.

 

14th February 2017 Going back a year, to February 2017… I went out for dinner with one of my closest friends, which cheered me up after what had just happened with this previous guy. I will never forget what she said to me:

This time next year you’ll be in such a different, better place that this won’t even matter. I guarantee it.

She was right.


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122 Responses

  1. Fatima says:

    Not everyone is as lucky as you are. Sigh… Its tiring going through the same process every single time. Introduction, then few weeks of chat if not days and that’s it 😥 it dies. All the same we won’t stop making duas and hoping. May Allah bless your union and make it easy for us.

    • Someone says:

      fatima; i hear u. Been on this app for years & not one good thing came out of it…

      • Myla says:

        Same when I first joined the app there were only around 10 Male profiles which kept coming up so I guess then I thought ok chances are slim but now with thousands it’s no better. So tempted to delete and just be a single yummy mummy for the rest of my days. But another part of my brain says no you will find someone so I guess some hope is still left in me.

      • Dzati says:

        Same here haha

    • Someoneelse says:

      Agree. Most people here are either looking for a relationship to pass time as they are bored or just make no effort at all. And most guys are just a bunch of time wasters!

      • Fatima says:

        Exactly, they match up and when you match them back they don’t say anything, eventually they’ll unmatch you. I mean what’s the point? Some just say hello or salam and when you reply that’s it. Especially the American or Arabs, they match you up and when you match them back they unmatch right away 😂😂😂 what is this? I’m very reluctant in receiving there matches cos I know what follows.

        • A says:

          I experienced it once. I just like “what’s wrong with him”. But actually I click the like accidentally. Lol. And I haven’t try again since that day.

    • Pasha says:

      Inshallah Allah will grant yours and everyone else dua for a partner. I’m still holding on hope to find that special girl regardless of what I been through on this app

    • Abdul-Kareem says:

      I agree with you Fatima. It’s always the same thing over and over again till it dies. May Allah bless you with a wonderful man who will love and cherish you for all his life In Shaa Allah

      • Fatima says:

        Ameeen brother and you too. We aren’t helping eachother, if you don’t intend to make efforts then don’t match that person. You’re in away breaking their hopes and killing their zeal.

        • Mr. Hudu says:

          My sister, bare in mind that not everyone here is a guinea Muslim. Many are fake coz I don’t think any serious Muslim would ever deceive a follow Muslim without a tangible reason. Even if the person didn’t meet the qualities that you look in for, why not communicate with him/her? Indeed, I was matched with a lady n because she didn’t fall within the qualities that I want, I explained to her though, she was upset and I quickly apologized to her. Personally, I don’t think one should take any offense if you don’t meet someone’s preference. Even though, she was pretty, but her age, color and height didn’t meet my preference. Nevertheless, am quite optimistic that Allah’s time is the best so, don’t be despair and discouraged.

      • M says:

        What a lovely story

        May Allah bless your marriage and always keep you happy.

        My future husband is probably sleeping under a treee ☘️

        Be optimistic…. love yourself and keep your faith strong

        Allah is the best of planners

    • Abdul miah says:

      Salaam, Fatima I hope you are well insha’Allah could you please get in contact with me on WhatsApp: +447498957278
      Alternatively on Instagram @abdul.miah1
      Regards to me sending you my Marriage CV insha’Allah I look forward to hearing from you.

      Kind regards Abdul.

    • Abdul miah says:

      Salaam, @Fatima I hope you are well insha’Allah could you please get in contact with me on WhatsApp: +447498957278
      Alternatively on Instagram @abdul.miah1
      Regards to me sending you my Marriage CV insha’Allah I look forward to hearing from you.

      Kind regards Abdul.

    • Fawad haider says:

      Don’t lose hope
      Every thing will be good with time

    • Mabrouk Ahmed says:

      For sure very luck for you ,my self been on here for like 6 months now but been trying my best till I find one and I’m not into relationships I just want us to get married then we know each other very well

  2. Someone says:

    @fatima; i hear u. Been on this app for years & not one good thing came out of it…

  3. Hussain Ali says:

    Not many people have that luck, it’s hard to look for someone. I been trying I only spoke to two girls on here that it but it didn’t work out. It’s hard and I feel I wanna delete that app because it’s tiring. May Allah help us all. Ameen

    • Dua says:

      May Allah bless your marriage and give you all the best.
      Does anyone know where in Qura’n I can find the Ayah ( verse) she mentioned?

      • Justauser says:

        It doesn’t exist. There is no such ayah. We should be careful saying ‘an ayah states’… 😐

        I’d like to say she was paraphrasing but can’t think of any ayah that is similar to that.
        The Last line maybe. (way may yattiqillaaha yaj’al lahu makhrajaa)

  4. Justauser says:

    Dating scene 😂.
    One knee. Proposal.
    Visit to Paris. What is this?

    We Muslims are seriously confused these days.

    • Mona says:

      My thoughts exactly. SMH! I am still thinking about how I would ever introduce a potential to my parents let alone travel overseas without a license lol

  5. Happy says:

    There are many guys on here that waste time, either using it as a time pass or trying to get laid, those are the types who really are backwards and dont understand that women on here are actually looking for a decent man, with the prospects of marriage.

    Whenever i come across a guy on thus app, I do filter them out quickly, based on several responces that indicate to me that this person either has alteria motives, is abusing this app, or expects a rigid woman. very rarely do I come across a man, who is serious and able to respond to questions maturely, saying statements like, “oh youre asking many questions?” Erm, im not here to waste my time and im not here to endlessly date. if a man knows what he wants, he should be comfortable with answering your questions. it is better to get the priliminaries out the way, than waste time over trivial chats. Im not really concerned with what you did on the weekend, I want to know you if you fit my criteria first. Where as some guys find it hard to answer very important questions.

    race is another problem on here. I know many sisters who get discriminated by men on marriage app, but we are all muslims. what has race of culture got to do with it? the ummah is the same. who cares if your parents expect you to marry somone in your own tribe, Allah (Almighty) who is the superior wants us to mix; Allah (Almighty) said, “i have made you in tribes, to get to know each other”. The Prophet (pbuh) himself said himself said No arab is higher than a non man, and no white is higher than a black man, we are all the same. on judgement day, and in hajj and umrah, we are all the same
    wealth and poor, stand side by side. So why are we not listening?

    So many brothers and sisters are rejected based on race entirely, are they not human? are you that insensative?

    when two of the same tribes match, are we carrying on the ideology of our parents or are we going to mix and embrace and carry forward islam?

    Seriously, it makes my heart hurt when i hear certain people of our ummah say they are rejected due to race. how would you feel when someone is doing that to you, coz it will happen.

    how can we be one if we still to one race?
    I understand that language and cultural understand may be seen as an issue, but how? didnt you go to school and learn a different culture and roll with it? wouldnt learning and teaching make you stronger? wouldnt it bring more to you as a person and bring understanding of something in you, you might never have had the opportunity, had you not been restricted?

    Stop following your parents requirements of what they want. you are a man, who is supposed to make a family of your own. Your own wife, your own kids, your own family.

    Take the responsibility seriously and make your own decisions and stop liv8ng for your culture or parents. Marriage will have its ups and downs, that is the whole reasons it is sunnah, because it helps you grow into the person you were meant to be
    drop the discrimination and give everyone a chance to talk, male the EFFORT to get to know someone, you never know who or what you will be blessed by, when you open the door to our enture ummah of those who could be good hearted, kind, merciful, and bring joy into your life.

    Take the chance and make the effort. Nothing will fall into your lap and nothing in life is easy.

    Everyone has a front, it takes time for that front to drop. and im not saying wait a long time, only after a few chats, but open your hearts and be sincere and you will find what you are seeking.

    Personally i think all those who are on here to mess about, block and report them, get rid of the trash that taints our ummah, they dont deserve to be on this platform and they always end up being famous, as someone you know, will have crossed them as well. and then no one wants to talk to them

    The internet is much smaller than we think,
    a time will come, where we cross each others path again, so be very mindful.

    • Issa says:

      What’s your name on Muzmatch?

    • Imran says:

      I’m sorry but most of the girls on the app are very SHALLOW too they just purely go for looks even if they are average

      • KeepingItReal says:

        Imran, same here. Most women will mislead men by saying it’s all about his confidence and personality. But if you were to observe how they behave is completely opposite. It’s called cognitive dissonance. For example, on their profiles they write they are looking for a kind, honest, decent, caring, trustworthy gentleman. Behind the scenes, they only reply to the hot and gorgeous men who are likely to have bad characteristics and they ignore the decent men because of his looks. The reason why they do this is to not be seen as shallow to reject him based on his looks but will make excuse it was something else about him.

        Apps like this are real experiments where the results show women judge a man’s looks just as much as a man but the shallow unattractive women forget that they enhance their ugliness with make up to deceive and catch gullible men and reject guys similar to her natural looks.

        There are guys out there on other Muslim websites who create fake profiles and upload a male model picture to prove and expose how women behave. These fake profiles receive hundreds of women messaging and flirting with them but never reply to the decent average looking men.

        There has been research carried out that 80% of women are only interested in the top 20% of men with the good looks, money and status. The rest 80% of men are considered to be average and unwanted. Plenty of men, Muslims and non Muslims on various blogs/forums are expressing that when they message a whole spectrum of women online and apps and receive very little to no response!

        Women go for looks first and foremost just like men but don’t admit it because it will make them look shallow. I read somewhere that you should never believe her words when she writes what she’s looking for in a man. Instead, observe how she behaves and who she flirts with. She ignores the decent guy who is average looking because he is seen as plain and boring. Whereas she flirts with the good looking guy, player, arrogant,
        flirtatious type and she gives him
        her number then moans why are all men players!

        • PewterSky says:

          After reading a lot of comments from the guy about women being shallow, I think you may be swiping on the wrong kind of girls. Do you mind my asking what your search criteria is? Might be worthwhile to broaden your filters or re-evaluate your requirements.

          @keepingitreal I beg to differ. Being average looking does not translate to boring. That has everything to do with what people write in their profile. Now because there’s so many people, things become pretty generic and I feel people need to make better effort to atleast sound interesting or show their personality.

          I’ve come across many profiles that almost follow a template. Yes, I know we will all have something’s in common like travel food and gym but if written well, I’m happy to match with them.

          I think the bigger problem is establishing a decent enough conversation once you’ve matched. Half the time I feel my efforts at starting a conversation aren’t being reciprocated and if it’s not going anywhere then what use is it?

          I’ve also noticed there’s a bigger proportion of younger guys, most of whom aren’t mentally ready for marriage but like the idea of settling down and wish to start finding a wife.

          • KeepingItReal says:

            PewterSky, you mentioned: ‘Being average looking does not translate to boring. That has everything to do with what people write in their profile.’

            However, for most women (not all), average looking men writing more in their profiles does not guarantee that these women will express likes / interests. Especially on this app and on other similar apps. This has been tried and tested by many average men.

            What has also been tried and tested is when a picture of a really good looking man is uploaded, regardless of how good or bad his personality or profile is, the women come flooding in, instant messages of flirting, talking dirty, giving their numbers without the man even asking for it etc. For most people, looks come first. Personality, character and the rest come after. This goes for both men and women. Nobody has to be a model but there has to be mutual physical attraction in order for the next steps to progress. Needless to say, men and women with model looks will receive more interests.

            Hypergamy is where a woman seeks the highest value man she can find. If she is receiving interests from very good looking men (who are more likely to be players and time wasters as they have more options), would she bat an eyelid for average looking men (who are more likely to be decent, trustworthy and sincere)? Don’t think so! The results speak for themselves!

            She seeks the highest value man she can find in terms of his looks (good genetics, facial and body, handsome and masculine), money (job, career, earnings etc), status (is he well known / liked and respected by the community, his friends and associates, his level of education and social class etc), security (own property).

            The highest value man is more likely to father good looking, healthy children, best possible education for the children, financial security, shelter and protection, provision of food and life’s necessities, respect / recognition from the community, less struggle and hardship in life, a comfortable standard of living for better survival etc compared to the average man just living an average life. Most women ultimately desire the security, commitment, provision and protection from a successful and physically desirable man.

            Unfortunately, with social media, the abundance of choice makes a person indecisive and usually ends up where the person makes bad decisions based on a facade, using their gut feelings on aesthetics instead of logic.

            Quite often, the average, nice, decent men are friend-zoned (i.e seen as friends or brothers) instead of seen as potential partners. You often hear her say: ‘He’s a really nice guy. But he’s just not my type’. Which basically translates to: ‘He has a wonderful personality. He’s a true gentleman. But I’m just not physically attracted to him’.

            Attraction can blossom in many different ways. People should not rely solely on apps and online searching. Doing social activities where you can meet people with similar interests might be more successful and less stressful. Widen your horizons!

            And the fact that you hear more disappointing feedback than success stories is an indication that not everybody is destined to find their match on these platforms.

        • Pewter Sky says:

          Keepingitreal – I will wholeheartedly agree both physical attraction and personality is important. But let’s say I am totally bowled over by this Muslim David Gandy lookalike….I match with him and if he doesn’t make much effort or is boring, I’d not be wasting my time on him. Women who do it…well I don’t exactly know what goes on in their minds.

          In my opinion, average looking men writing more or letting their amazing personality shine through really catches my eye. Perhaps I’m in the minority, but yes you are right in saying that women look for best value however we all have priorities as it’s next to impossible to get looks, wealth, education *insert whatever else criteria you have* in one. So we are more than happy to forego some of those.

          I understand when you men complain about women being shallow and downright nasty but I think it wouldn’t hurt to make a bit more effort. I’m speaking from experience when I say I’ve matched with many guys people would consider average and had absolutely no luck getting any conversation out of them. I’m not sure if I should put that down to a lack of confidence or just inexperience /awkwardness at the situation/lack of interest.

          The he’s a great guy but he’s only a friend is another discussion entirely. This happens to women too btw. I wish I had a penny for everytime one of my guy friends have mentioned that to me. I’ve been on the receiving end of friendzoning quite a bit myself.

          Drat…can’t even post these messages properly! Trying a third time..

          • Pewter Sky says:

            Finding a partner is no easy feat so difficulty is expected. There’s a multitude of reasons why two people aren’t able to have a fruitful match. Its not the lack of success that bothers me, it’s all the comments where people are blaming their lack of success on the kind of people they encounter/everything else they can think of. Instead of focusing on these people, and all the negative emotions they bring to our lives, it’s better to focus on ourselves and finding ways of improvement and make more effort.

          • KeepingItReal says:

            PewterSky, we have all had our fair share of time wasters with dry, one way conversations where one person makes all the effort, asking questions to get to know the other, being humorous, asking serious marriage related questions, showing genuine interest etc and then receiving one word answers or getting elaborate answers but with no comeback questions thrown back at them from the other, not showing any interest in trying to get to know the other. It becomes tedious and one-sided.

            I do not think it has anything to do with lack of confidence / inexperience / awkwardness. If someone is too shy to have a conversation on a mutual match online then they need help. I can understand if someone is shy to approach in real life due to lack of confidence, anxiety, fear of rejection etc but online, after both match each other, there is no excuse. In my opinion, this indicates that he / she is no longer interested or is messaging / interacting with someone else who they find more attractive and do not have the courtesy to end it politely.

            I would not call it ‘blaming’. I see it as though people are expressing their frustrations from their negative experiences as this is a blog / forum open for people to express and give feedback instead of sweeping issues under the carpet. In that way, both genders can hear the other side to try to understand difficulties from both sides and hopefully try to improve behaviours / attitudes.

    • Mimi says:

      Hey Happy! This is very well put together.. I honestly couldn’t have said it together. I would like to befriend you.

    • Lola says:

      Thank u for this.

  6. N says:

    I’m so happy it worked out for you! I had the SAME awful experience, except I had no suspicions because everything was going wonderfully, our parents had spoken, plans to meet were in the works, then I woke up to “the text.” I cried my eyes out for weeks. Inshallah that experience ultimately leads me to the right person, too.

  7. Rahmi says:

    Masha Allah so happy to hear that barakallahu fikum ❤️

  8. Sunnah says:

    What in the non-mahram is this? Like some said, l respect the story and advice behind what happened. But are we encouraging our brothers and sisters to travel as a couple without any mahram or nikkah? I’m good and l will continue to be patient and fast inshallah!

    • Mona says:

      Smh!!! I am still thinking about how I would ever introduce a potential to my parents and and one brother her asked me to come visit him for a weekend, and he thought that I am backward because if I wanted to I could, like what kind of hell are we living nowadays?! He seem like a nice guy but not as practicing as he made himself to be but the best decision I mad is to caught him off.

  9. Ahsan says:

    I am looking for marriage

  10. Adeel says:

    I am looking for marriage

  11. Habib says:

    WHAT QURAN SAYS
    (Surah Almominon)
    1. Successful indeed are the believers.

    2. Those who offer their Salat (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness.

    3. And those who turn away from Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk, falsehood, and all that Allah has forbidden).

    4. And those who pay the Zakat .

    5. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

    6. Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, for then, they are free from blame;

    7. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors;

    8. Those who are faithfully true to their Amanat (all the duties which Allah has ordained, honesty, moral responsibility and trusts etc.) and to their covenants;

    9. And those who strictly guard their (five compulsory congregational) Salawat (prayers) (at their fixed stated hours).

    10. These are indeed the inheritors.

    11. Who shall inherit the Firdaus (Paradise). They shall dwell therein forever.
    ( Alquran suratul momineen)

  12. Senna says:

    Same here, but brothers and sisters don’t lose hope in the mercy of Allah al Wadud. Make dua for sabr and tawakkul. In sha allah we will all find a spouse here.
    May Allah bless your marriage sister ❤️

  13. arafah baker says:

    me my first time was not good at all but I pray everyday so that Allah brings me the rite person lnshaaAllah

  14. Nabi says:

    Hi how r u

  15. Mabrouk Ahmed says:

    My name is mabrouk Ahmed and any woman interested in marriage can contact me on my WhatsApp 00966599271742

  16. Mabrouk Ahmed says:

    Looking for marriage and please no games

  17. Muslimah says:

    do you guys know why all these dilemma happen to us? Cause Allah’s timing is perfect. It all happens cause Allah wanna shows that it’s not the right time for you yet. stay patient, pray and taqwa. Cause when it times, you will never stop being grateful. may be the way Allah shows it to us or the way we’ve gone through is little bit winding and painful. But it is how it works. it is the way Allah wants us to become more closer to Him. He is the most Merciful. He is the Ar Rahman and Ar Rahiim. His love is bigger than anything you could imagine even your own parent’s love. Be Patient and Stay Repent. Never blame anyone or anything. His Timing is Perfect.

  18. Yosy says:

    Wish allah grant me the best husband ever after

  19. Hasan says:

    Tbh I think it’s harder for a guy 😐 I’ve met only one person off here and she was a party girl. A party girl on muzmatch.. it was a joke. Hope ya’ll find someone.

  20. productofmuzmatch says:

    Been on this app for over two years. Wasted money on premium and reset swipes. I rarely get a match anymore and if I do they go silent after saying hi or confessing how awks it is for her to be using this app. Worst is seeing profiles that say parents or friends who made them do it. It’s a kick in the teeth to the women who actually want to get married when girls write stuff like that; ohhh and a red flag when guys read it.

    Being average/unattractive looking male gets you nowhere on here. Having a sincere profile gets you nowhere. The constant rejection has done a number on my self esteem and unfortunately I am slowly growing resent towards women in general. Not healthy for a guy in his mid-20s but this would happen when 100s of women online don’t think you’re worth knowing…

    Also just want to put this out there. The muzmatch advert pi**** me off. Hate the way she assumes the big guy is not good enough for her.

    • Imran says:

      Spot on I have good job well paid tall would like to think I’m humble but unfortunately it’s not enough put it simply girls are SHALLOW they want looks and that’s all I hardly get any matches too

  21. productofmuzmatch says:

    Definitely harder for a guy Hasan. Most girls get 100s of likes in the first day with little effort from what I’ve heard. Some even brag about it on their profile probably to boost their own ego. I’d imagine same women would use this during an argument with the husband in future lol

  22. Mimi says:

    I’m always happy when I see a sister getting married. Congratulations to you. Honestly sometimes I feel Muzmatch is filled up with unserious people. It’s either some have blurry profiles or they unmatch after saying Salam. People with blurry profiles how do u expect one to pick u? I think u are on Muzmatch for a reason so what’s with hiding profile pictures. Its annoying though, some people after knowing were u are from they will jst unmatch with out proper explanation on y they cant continue. Some will go ahead to share numbers for WhatsApp and when u connect there, they will send u a message saying u shouldn’t contact them anymore. Y do men toil with ladies emotions like that? Plus I know everyone has his or her choice of tribe or the kind of person he or she wants but y is it a problem to get to know people from another side? I noticed once a man sees I’m from Nigeria they unmatch immediately. What have we done? I always thought we are all muslims and that’s what matters. Anyway God will help us all. May God give us our own husbands and wives.

    • Fatima says:

      😂😂😂😂 sisterly its the same with me, when they see that you’re black and from Africa they unmatch you. Isn’t being a Muslim enough?

      • Antique says:

        That’s also happened to me, when they see you’re Asian, just have average tall and body, they directly unmacth you. Or when you already chat with them and move chat to whatsapp, they will directly asking personal questions, like are you virgin? As a Muslima that’s very rude and impolite questions

  23. H. N says:

    I think one reason I don’t get any matches here is because I have a child, I am a father divorced, I can confidently say that my son is the best thing that could happen to my future wife, my future wife would be lucky to have my little son in her life. If I had to choose between a woman and my son, I would definitely choose my son, his cute little smile is one in a trillion. My son is everything to me, he is my universe. If all women rejected me because of having a child, I would not give a toss. My son is best thing ever happened to me. I love my child with all my heart and soul. To those women who fear someone else’s children, I say do not fear, children are a blessing, raising his children may be a way of earning Allah’s pleasure. But in most cases you wouldn’t have to raise his children, because those children have their own mother and their own home too. So why reject as soon as you see he is a parent, you haven’t even asked him about the child arrangements.

    My second point is being divorced, why do you think that a divorced man is not good, how do you know about his ex wife, what if his ex wife was a cheater and he was forced to divorce. What if his ex wife after separation, blackmailed him in order to get a divorce. What if his ex wife was a liar and evil person that constantly made conflicts between good people. What if his ex wife was asking for haram things that he couldn’t agree to. List goes on……..

    A man who went through a marriage knows what women want from the marriage, he got life experience of having been married, he knows how to make a lady happy. He knows what mistakes he mustn’t repeat in his new marriage. And obviously he’s got NO strings attached to his ex wife. Once you get divorced, there’s no going back.

    Like it is said: the things we think are good for us may turn out to be bad. And the things we think are bad for us may turn out to be good. Only Allah knows. Therefore we must adhere to the words of Allah (swt) and the teachings of the prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

    Finally, engage in a conversation with single men, you never know how loving he is, or how attractive his intelligence is until you talk to him. By conversing with people you stand a better chance of finding the right person. Just the blurry pictures and profile description is not something that you should rely on when deciding on matching someone. Try to give him a chance to speak. If you don’t like him after speaking to him, just very politely unmatch him. Tell him politely that you cannot pursue with the relationship. That’s it. He won’t be left broken hearted, because it takes a while before you develop feelings for each other.

    Jazak Allah khairan

  24. Bushy says:

    I had similar experience … sad .. treating you as an option . And misleading you for so long …. And waiting for next best option to drop you.

    May Allah guide us all on the righteous path .

  25. Mimi says:

    My dear Fatima, the situation is annoying. I’ve never judged anyone with how he is or what he has and most especially I’ve never checked if one is a divorced or a single dad. Everyone has his or her own problems that led to why he or she is still single. Bt for one to jst unmatch someone without explanation its uncalled for. Please people, Nigerians or should I say Africans are not as bad as u think. Just try reaching out to us and u just might get your partner. But the discussions should be clean and straight not that after connecting on WhatsApp the person will start asking for nude pictures or videos, cos I noticed many white people I’ve met did that and we met here on Muzmatch, I thought we are supposed to keep everything Halal. Anyways not really my problem, but my prayer is that God should lead us unto the right path.

  26. Adam says:

    I’m a man and I would say it’s really really hard for us too, majority of European woman wants a man who are taller than 6feet , I though Muslim woman will think differently, wrong.
    I never , never have even one like , I’m not that ugly , my description is respectfully but girl are too , too difficult

  27. Imran says:

    I’m sorry girls buts it’s more difficult for men on this app. I have a good job (pharmacist) I’m tall but unfortunately I’m average looking and let’s be honest as are most Pakistani people we are an average race that is fact. Girls write we want x y z but in reality they just want looks 90% and personality maybe 10% even average girls want someone attractive. Maybe social media has ruined what girls and guys want these days I’m sorry but if your a 5/10 girl who’s 5 foot 1 you don’t deserve a tall handsome guy. My friend had the same experience he got matches but when he unblurred instant rejection and this was by girls who were 2 out of 10 in the looks Dept. He has a good job too a great person religious but sadly it doesn’t matter anymore. He made a fake profile too to test this theory he put up a photo of a lesser known male model he got over 100 matches in a week was getting instant matches girls flirting in the chat it was unbelievable some even gave their number out straight away WTH. Don’t me wrong some guys also want looks over everything however from experience and other guys who have been on the app we all agree that girls are unfortunately SHALLOW.

  28. Maatoug says:

    Mon compte est activé nn

  29. productofmuzmatch says:

    A massive problem is most men are too thirsty lol. Inflate every girls’ ego. You get girls who are average in the looks department thinking they can land a model and the same for girls who are considered unattractive/unhealthy(code word for fat). Guys need to stop being so thirsty. Most the girls on here are enhanced by make up and then further enhanced by good lighting and/or filters. looks don’t even matter that much tbh- they fade. I personally think health and lifestyle should be at the top of physical attraction.

    Why is every girl a ‘foodie.’ Wth is that even? lol. Is it code for you like to eat out all the time. It just sounds like you’re lazy or have no interest in your diet. Habits like this will catch up with you with age and defo after marriage; believe me I’ve seen it. Only in the animal kingdom can a butterfly transform into a pig😂. I was once unmatched by a 5 foot 1 whale of a girl on muzmatch because I was only 5’8′ and not tall enough(the well known 6′ rule). That’s what I got for giving a girl a chance. Never again will I inflate the ego of a women who either doesn’t own a mirror or skipped their optom appointment.

    Lads for the sake of the equilibrium of life. The balance between ying yang, good/evil, milk to cereal ratio pleaseeee ffs stop acting so damn thirsty.

    • Imran says:

      I agree buddy its definitely guys fault for sure but honestly this is a problem among Pakistani girls most of whom are average looking compared to other races yet they still think they are gods gifts can’t blame guys fully for this it’s just delusion on the girls part thinking they are better then gal godat or meghan markle… But in reality they are pint sized 5 foot 1 midgets with a hairy faces I think these girls need to lower their so called demands or else guys will marry back home or out of their race/religion and these girls will be in their mid 30s crying and overweight.

    • PewterSky says:

      When I say I’m a foodie, I mean I enjoy eating, I have a high interest in cooking and trying out different cuisines. You also won’t see me order a burger and being full after 5 bites. In fact most of the time, I can eat as much as the guys or more. Having an interest in food does not mean having no interest in ones diet or being lazy or unhealthy. Maybe she cooks really delicious healthy foods or whatever, maybe next time you can use it as a conversation starter 🙂

      I do agree with the compliment bit though. Too much of that goes around and when it’s very frequently done it stops being sincere and then you just start repelling whoever it is you are complimenting.

  30. KeepingItReal says:

    Productofmuzmatch, I’ve been posting similar comments on few blogs on other topics on this app. There are plenty of thirsty, desperate guys who are chasing average and unattractive overweight girls who transform their faces with heavy make up and take pics from certain angles that make them look like models and these same girls reject guys who don’t meet their highly ridiculous demands of being very tall and naturally handsome.

    Men need to stop boosting the egos of these women when all it is is make up. Social media and feminism have enabled unattractive women to receive hundreds of likes from desperate men and they will only show interest in the best looking natural male model. There is a movement called Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) and men should not put up with their rubbish!

    • Imran says:

      100% agreed social media has fd everything up average girls now think they are 8/10 or 9/10 they need to be knocked down a few pegs

      • KeepingItReal says:

        Imran, I’ve done extensive research. Just go on google and type ‘online dating is a waste of time’. There are plenty of websites that explain why the odds are against men. Men need to wake up and stop complimenting / showing interest in average women who inturn will just ignore them. Not worth it.

        • productofmuzmatch says:

          So true. Guarantee in real life half these girls wouldn’t get a second look. But it’s not a bad thing being an average looking girl; as is being an average looking guy. Online these girls expect you to be Thor and then some. I can guarantee most the girls complaining above have been played because they only seriously match those really good looking guys or the legit f boys. Then they judge the majority of us based on those experiences, write blogs, attack men for the same crap they do and then you have modern day feminism…which isn’t really feminism when you dig into it. I’ve been following MGTOW for a while and I support most of its principles. Tbh a lot of these girls will realise one day how they messed up. I’ve been on here a while. Seen the same girls over and over and I think to myself ‘how is this girl not married yet with so many options- it has
          been years?’ Answer is they live in a dream world where noone is ever good enough. Some are even using 2 year old photos😂

          • KeepingItReal says:

            It’s good to know that some men know what’s going on but believe me there are plenty who don’t have a clue.

            We men show genuine interests in women of various looks from below average, average and above. But the women on these blogs assume we are chasing 10/10 models. If only they could see our phones as proof that we show interests to all types and receive nothing in return.

            They make bad choices based on they guy’s good looks thinking he’s ‘the one’ when in fact he’s stringing along and playing around with several girls at the same time. She then realises he wasted her time and it dawns in her that he’s a player. But the worst is they never learn from their mistakes and fall for the next hot and gorgeous guy on their inbox being delusional and thinking this guy is different. Then it happens again and the cycle continues. She then has a misconception that all men are players and timewasters when the truth is she’s making bad decisions based on looks alone and she herself is likely to be messaging more than one guy as well as she has multiple options.

          • Mona says:

            Y’all sounds bitter, I wonder why? Also stop with the generalization. Just like there are so bad guys/girls there some genuine people here.

            Seriously I am laughing at some of your comments because you come off as so urgent, egocentric and full of yourself. Take a chill pill please. Since you are at it, why are you still not married? Just like the girls apparently been here longer as you are?

            I have only been here for about 4-5 months but I haven’t meant the right person. I am not here to just marry anyone who swiped right and possibly end up in a divorce court in two months down the line like many here. I take my time on decisions that could possibly affect my future and life. As far as I am concerned not everyone here is committed to a serious relationship that leads to marriage not trip to Paris or a dinner date smh!

  31. M says:

    I’m very happy this worked out for you. I can relate to the initial part of your story. I just completely wasted 4 months of my life loving a woman I thought I was going to share the rest of my life with. We had it all planned out and even established a connection between our parents. We clicked so well and carried on conversations effortlessly. Mind you I am extremely picky when it comes to finding the right personality. The fourth and final month of us talking was filled with red flags that I overlooked. I was ignored, put last, and just flatout treated poorly. At times she would neglect that she ever agreed on any plans we made to workout the marriage. When I ask her what’s wrong, she tells me she’s either busy with school or dealing with family issues. I felt like I was being pushed away for a whole month. I was the reason we were still talking at that point which caused me constant anxiety and depression, but I could not share these feelings with her. When I did, she labeled me as too sensitive and dramatic. I took her word for it and kept supporting her throughout. At one point, we talked on the phone and it seemed as if she was attempting to tell me off, but did not know how to say it. Unfortunately it was a matter of red flags popping up on a daily basis and I just could not bare her dishonesty and vagueness anymore. Perhaps there was something preventing her from pursuing a partnership with me and there was no nice way to say it. Why would she lead me on though? It was almost as if she was attempting to manipulate the situation by making me grow tired of it all so that she doesn’t have to deal with calling it off. Our final days of talking consisted of me checking up on her and making sure she is okay. Her responses were limited to one or two words per day. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get anything else out of her. I got worried sick everyday hoping she is okay. I could not do it anymore. I decided this was unhealthy for me as I lost way too much time, energy, and physical weight stressing over this woman every moment of my existence. I cut my ties with her and she never even tried to contact me since. I was foolishly blinded by love. What could have caused this? Could it be that her parents don’t want her leaving town? Maybe she found someone else? I am so confused and depressed, but I certainly feel better than I did before. I hope to recover from this soon. May God guide us all.

    • S says:

      She wasn’t the one Allah intended for you. The faster you make peace with that, the easier it gets.

      Try 6 months and someone chasing you for marriage. Then they ghost you and avoid answering when parentals will meet. Suggesting to meet others. Ignoring you when you say, you are really depressed after all this.

      Been there and realise Allah has the Best Plan. Alhamdoulillah

      I have re connected with Him and actually long to meet the one who He intended, who will guide me not to himself, but to Allah.

      Our hearts break when we attach ourselves to anyone/anything other than Allah. (Yasmin Mogahed)
      So learn how to let go of this experience (really hard) and find yourself & Allah (who never left) 😉

  32. Zara says:

    . I spoke to a guy for months ,I even talked to his parents only for him to ask me for sexual favors . When I refused and blocked him, he emailed me and showered me with so many insults. I was so in shock that I cried for days.
    I might end up deleting this app

  33. Adnan says:

    Hi i am intrested in nikkah so any one want too contact me

  34. FriendsLover says:

    I spoke to a guy and we got to know each other for a few months. We clicked instantly and we realised our families knew each other so we thought this was a bonus. Unfortunately mine weren’t okay with it and I fought so hard for them to accept it. But the call to invite them over was being delayed due to family issues and he got paranoid and jumped to conclusions that it was being done on purpose. Then the arguments started building and I was made to blame. We had even looked at properties and rings. Then it ended and I felt like a fool wasting 7 months of my life. I was really looking forward to marrying this person but his true colours were revealed right towards the end.

  35. FractalIntakeMkII says:

    The flip side of making the process so easy/convenient/instant is making the objective incredibly difficult.

    On paper, Muzmatch seems super easy. You have exposure to a huge pool of people at your fingertips. Something you never will have in the real world. And unlike all other services, you can actually talk to your matches for free. It’s a pretty generous business model. And no I’m not a white knight for MM!

    The flip side is people (by default) end up treating the process as casually as flicking through their Facebook feeds. When you make things that easy, you stop a lot of people from making any effort. Because they treat the whole thing pretty casually.

    And that makes people physiologically prone to idealize their prospective partners into something that’s not fallibly human. They want them to be the untouchable or imperfect princess/prince. And that’s not something that’s going to last and workout. And the person who’s doing that never wants to replace that silly idea with the actual person in front of them. Even though the actual person is 100% more likely to have something relatable.

    Your being is limited, flawed and fragile. You’re a genie, of immense potential but stuck in this little mortal body that’s so fragile.

    The fact that you have limitations IS the plot of your life. Which is the overcoming of limitations. If you didn’t have limitations, maybe there wouldn’t be a plot and maybe there wouldn’t even be a life.

    • Imran says:

      Hit the nail on the head I think the girls watch too much bollywood/love island /social media couples and think this is what love or marriage is like.

      • FractalIntakeMkII says:

        Those type of people will never be happy. The fact that 80% of divorces are initiated by Women says a lot about the mentality of some (not all or even most) women.

        No matter what you do, you will never make her happy. A man can do everything right can beg his wife to stay together, but a certain type will always find excuses to leave and wreck his life forever. Of course there are a lot of nasty men, but there are also a lot of nasty women. Despite our overwhelming similarities, men and women channel their nastiness in slightly different ways…

        Those types will never be “happy” in their life. They will die alone miserably. Even their children will figure out why men don’t want to be around them for a long period. They’re the reason..

  36. shahriar says:

    muslims brothers and sisters kindly do not take it personally it is just an app , you would find good and bad everywhere not just in this app, atleast muzmatch made a platform to help us initiate

  37. Abdul miah says:

    Add me on WhatsApp I’m 5,5 British Bengali

    +447498957278

  38. Cutemuslimah says:

    I got lots of request but most of dem are just attracted to ur picture and d moment dey notice u want sumtin serious den the conversation just die naturally. How will u come to a dating site and take it for granted . May Allah makes it easy

  39. Sofiane says:

    Unfortunately this app it’s nit what I though.. few brothers and my self had the same experience on this app. You match you talk first question usually lady’s ask is what are you doing for living ? Do you have a car ? Do you have a house ?

    I’m sorry but I’m looking for someone to share my life so I want this person to love me for who I am and not for i have.. but hamdoullah i am still confident.

    Salam aleykoum.

    Sof

  40. Productofwomen says:

    Just recently matched a girl only to be ridiculed for no reason regarding how I look yet none of my photos are blurred. Also made to feel small regarding my choice of profession regardless of the fact I most likely make more than her. Kept all my responses gentlemanly and polite so as not to come across as ‘abusive’ but I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel hurt and somewhat more insecure about the way I look. Sometimes I think a lot of women enjoy making men feel like crap for no reason. They have unrealistic expectations regarding how we should look and behave but the very personality they wouldn’t want to marry is looking at them in the mirror. Honestly, sometimes I wish I didn’t have this burden of attraction towards the opposite gender so I would be free from the toxicity that is women.

    • PewterSky says:

      I’m sorry to hear about your experience Productofwomen. Nobody should be putting you down on looks or making you feel insecure. FractalIntakemkll has given you great advice, when faced with negativity and criticism one can end up overlooking a lot of good things about themselves. I’m honestly baffled by some of the things guys tell me about the ladies they match with on this app but all I can say is there are women out there who aren’t shallow, women that are genuine and nice…so hang in there and focus on yourself. Even take a break from the app if you like.

  41. KeepingItReal says:

    Productofwomen, it appears that this woman only matched you to have the opportunity to ridicule you on your looks and profession not meeting her standards. She must be deluded to think that she is God’s gift of a super model billionaire that she can pull Brad Pitt.

    Do not put up with bad behaviour and do not remain polite to anyone who is ridiculing or being abusive towards you. Always start off being polite and respectful then be assertive (not abusive) if they start to treat you like crap. Otherwise they will see you as a pushover / passive. The more you put up with abusive behaviour, the more they will carry on.

    The ‘block and report’ function is there for a reason and you should use it when it’s needed. Muzmatch team can then look though the messages to see who is being abusive and take the appropriate action.

    When it comes to appearance, women can be very nasty in comparison to men. Ever eavesdropped a girly conversation? All they talk about is how hot or ugly a guy looks, how hideous a girl looks with what she’s wearing, her weight etc. Women are more critical / judgemental in appearance and constantly assess someone’s looks then make comments with their fellow female friends.

  42. FractalIntakeMkII says:

    Dear Productofwomen

    Please don’t be a product of anyone., especially to a bunch of self centered narcissistic simpletons who has little more to offer than their reproductive organs. It can be a harsh experience, but know it’s value. Because there is value in it. You can go two ways with this…

    1) Fall apart and give up, self loath and rely on sympathy to attract people to you. Which never works by the way. You can never get others to follow you from that position. And when you realize that, you isolate yourself more. And people follow you less. And the circle continues. Believe me there’s no happy ending in this…

    2) Make yourself stronger, improve yourself. Find some new exciting hobbies that will make you healthier, fitter and improve your mood. And it’s not the cowards hiding behind blurred photos humiliating you that should motivate you. It’s the feeling of hurt/pain. USE IT. CHANNEL IT. And DON’T crumble to it. And what you have is something incredibly powerful. A hungry wolf going up a mountain has more potential than a full wolf sitting at the top. You’re a man. You’re potential is sky high. Use pain/hurt as a tool to dig you out of this trap. The only way is up my friend!

    Everyone’s capable of cruelty. But there’s a difference between being capable of cruelty and being cruel. Someone who’s capable of cruelty/damage but chooses not to is far better than someone who does. It shows strength of character. Someone who lashes out cruelty reflects their deep insecurities in a failed attempt at attaining value.

    My personal experience, met few Girls. They were initially happy, some even told their parents after the first date. But as time went on (around a month) they stopped communicating regularly. And it was because “you’re too nice, but i don’t think I am. I’m so sorry”. So it made me question the value of being a polite gentleman. But I still am. Those where just emotionally immature princesses who’s always first to say “men aren’t serious”.

    There are a lot of human trash everywhere my friend. ESPECIALLY online where parading your trashiness is so much easier. So I encourage you to try other medium. It’s a lot different when you talk to someone face to face. Try attend Muslim marriage networking events if you can.

    Hang in there buddy. Your life has a purpose

  43. Prince says:

    I suxk at texting so it seeem like I’m boring I just love calling but people on here think I am creepy because I’m asking for their phone number

  44. Kifayah_Aderonke says:

    Congrats dear ukty, may yours be among d best. I’v been here for a while and It saddened my heart some claims to be what they are not here,they matched up with u only to discovered they are fake. Some are even here cos of sex.. May Almighty Allah grant me my own missing rib too..

  45. Sofie says:

    Salam my dear brothers and sisters. I am new here on muzmatch and I had the same feeling before joining this muzmatch. Had failed experiences before with other dating sites. Mostly guys seems to be time wasters. Let’s encourage all the sisters to keep their faith strong and pray for all of them to find that right one. Also ask Allah SWT to help us choose the one who is righteous and faithful. Good luck to all of you in your search.

  46. A says:

    I want to get married, but I’m still a bad person. So I haven’t start anything.

  47. manbearpig says:

    How to destroy your own self esteem: Never get a match. How to destroy someone else’s self esteem: match him, don’t say anything, wait till he contacts you, ignore him for days, look at his profile and message and continue to ignore…muzmatch troll achievement unlocked. You have to be a serious kinda effed in the heart/mind to do this. Even if you are talking to other guys you could just tell him that you might respond later if talking to another. So many women do it. Can only speak about my own experiences but imagine marrying someone who thinks it’s okay to mess with people like that. Again, plenty of girls on here do it. Makes you wonder whether marriage is worth it…

  48. Lost says:

    Well well! What to say? These apps are mentally torturing everyone. I wish I was born in the 50s so that I could have married a decent guy my parents choose for me. This online thing has mentally drained me. People just vanish without even giving an explanation.

  49. Lost says:

    The pain of being rejected in online dating scenarios can also sting. A study published in 2011 found that being socially rejected activates the same parts of the brain that physical pain does. That means that opening oneself up on dating apps—where you can be rejected faster than ever—can have a real impact on well-being.

  50. Lost says:

    I left the app sometime back because I hate the fact that people are not mature enough to communicate and be more open. If you don’t wanna continue talking just say it. Don’t play games. I’ve decided to focus on things that are more important. When the right time comes in sha Allah the right guy will come, till then sabr. There is no other choice. I can’t torture myself again and again…..

    • PewterSky says:

      I understand where you are coming from! It can be exhausting going through the same type of people over and over again. I have taken a break too for now, I’ll have a think about it next year. Meanwhile I’ll just focus on other things and work on my betterment.

  51. Hawwa says:

    If you ask me Muzmatch is ok except like majority of dating apps it attracts people that use dating apps for wrong reasons.

    My experince so far isn’t that bad except a few guys getting sexual and unmatching me when I didn’t reciprocate. What happened to meaninful conversations trying to get to know people.
    Problem is most men on this app are trying to get lucky and think women are easy. Also too many married men trying to get laid. I know some of them are looking for second wives but I have come across way too many that are looking for hookups.
    I think it’s becoming very difficult to meet high quality beings on dating apps because any looney can create a profile and hide behind fake pics.

    • Fulan says:

      Actually I really don’t mind with a man who have a child. I just want someone who’s kind, treat me well and kind to my parents. But I’m afraid that my mom won’t agree. So I take the safest choice to not choose them.

  52. Lost says:

    If you’re still looking for a spouse, you have to believe this and trust the Almighty. He has prepared someone perfectly just for you. Sooner or later, He will bring you together. So keep asking. Don’t give up hope. He’s All-Knowing! Mufti Menk

  53. Hello says:

    Congrats to the young couple. I wish you a lifetime of joy together. May you continue to grow together in grace, love and faith.
    I read the comments and most of them make really good points. Guys, give the ladies the benefit of the doubt and be patient. Not all are shallow. Most of the guys on the app are good looking (Muslim guys rock!!!) So, it’s not just about the looks. It’s hard to pick someone amongst thousands. I see people’s pictures and honestly, I don’t pass based on looks it’s usually something else like age (some likes are half my age, yikes!), education, profession, far distance away and won’t move, level of practicing Islam, wants kids (I don’t), scary comments like focusing on physical characteristics or the guys sounds controlling etc. I’m not being shallow, I want a good fit. We need to be compatible.
    As you can see from the ladies comments, we are all struggling so let’s be nice and supportive to one another. There’s a saying “You can be the sweetest and juiciest peach in the world and there will always be people who don’t like peaches”. Most of the time, it’s not personal. I’m off and on the app. It can be frustrating. We won’t all find love here but you never know, the next one to find love here may be me or you….

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