Body Shaming and Online Dating

Reconstructing Beauty

While the beauty, fashion and entertainment industries make big money on selling the newest standards of beauty and physical appeal, we as a society are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with our appearances. We are feeling more self-conscious, more deficient and even less beautiful. Why?

Because we’re being told—implicitly or explicitly— that we are not enough. We’re not good enough, thin enough, or attractive enough; that our skin does not look young or light enough. We are always broken, blemished, or scarred, and we need fixing. There is always a new standard or method for enhancing everything from our skin, hair, lips and nails, to almost every inch of our body—and it’s impossible to keep up. So many succumb to society’s pressure to conform, and they go to great lengths to surgically alter their bodies, inject foreign objects in them, starve themselves or follow strict diets or exercise programs—all in an effort to look more beautiful and desirable.

Islam encourages outward beauty, cleanliness and beautiful dress. We adorn our bodies with nice clothes and maintain good hygiene because this is what God loves. We also do our best to eat healthy and stay fit because our bodies are an amanah (trust) from God, and because better health gives us more energy to serve God and society better. These are all admirable efforts, when done moderately. What I am addressing here is how we view the natural physical form of our bodies; what we were born with or what developed over time because of genetic influences.

It is important to remember that God is our Maker—He made you the way you are—your unique colour, shape, hair and facial features. In His eyes, you are beautiful—no matter what society says. He says,

“Surely, we have created the human being in the finest stature.” Qur’an | 95:4

He fashioned you in your mother’s womb, brought you into this world knowing nothing, and then beautified your heart and mind with faith, wisdom and intelligence. Even before you were born, He honoured you; He created your father, Adam, with His Own Blessed Two Hands, breathed His spirit into him, and made the Angels prostrate to him out of respect.

Throughout your life, He showers you with beautiful gifts; He provides you with experiences that inspire you, teach you, and make you feel joy, connectedness and love towards Him and others. He gives you a lifetime to invest in the beauty of the Eternal life with gorgeous homes, companions, flowing rivers, and blessings that you cannot even imagine. Now, who could dare touch your feelings of self-worth after that?

Underneath the superficial layers of different physical features, skin colours and types of dress, all of us have hearts and souls that long and plead for the same deep connection with their Creator. As Ibn Al-Qayyim (may God have mercy on him) says,

“Truly, in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of God; and in it there is a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing God and being true to Him; and in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and turning to Him and always remembering Him; and if a person were given the entire world and what is in it, it would never fill that emptiness.”

So no matter how much we alter and reshape our physical form, it will not fill the void in our hearts that is reserved for God. When we follow our desires and the ever-changing whims of creation, we chain our souls down to the lowly, fleeting life—and away from God. But when we connect our hearts and minds to the Eternally Permanent One, Al-Baqi, our souls are freer to draw closer to Him. Reflect for a moment on this hadith (narration) of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him):

“Prayer is light; charity is a proof, patience is illumination; and the Qur’an is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his/her day and is a vendor of his/her soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin.” [Muslim]

When our souls are liberated, we see Reality for what it really is; that physical beauty fades, and that the beauty and light of our faith, character and actions are what bring us true bliss and deeply satisfying relationships in this life, along with a more permanent relationship with God and eternal bliss and in the Hereafter. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ would supplicate,

“O Allah, as You have made my appearance beautiful, make my character beautiful,” (Allahumma anta hassanta khalqi fa hassin khuluqi)

Beautiful character is in sincere intentions, in our positive attitude, and in a graceful smile. It’s in showing abundant gratitude and forgiveness, in overlooking people’s faults, in giving generously of your love and time to support others, and in treating people with respect, mercy and gentleness. As Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,

“Gentleness is not in something except that it adorns it, and it is not stripped from something except that it ruins it.” [Muslim]

So, rather than striving to perfect a body that will, one day, end up covered in dirt, how about we turn to what truly matters? Instead of facelifts and breast enhancements, perhaps we ought to focus more on uplifting our faith and morality; and instead of dwelling over fat layers and contemplating liposuction, we might want to work on suctioning the arrogance, pride and anger from our hearts; and instead of eyelid surgeries—yes, those exist—we would prosper more if we considered the virtues of lowering our gazes and turning our faces and hearts toward God’s light and guidance. These are the changes that yield the most beautiful, long-lasting effects in this life and the Next.

“So direct your face toward the religion, with pure faith. This is the natural disposition God instilled in mankind—there is no altering God’s creation. This is the upright religion, though most people do not realize it.” Qur’an | 30:30


We recently received a message from a muzmatch user about body image and body shaming. If you would like to write for us, email us: marketing@muzmatch.com

Subject: Body Shaming and Online Dating
Salaam,
My experience: I hit it off great with this guy. He and I had a good thing going. We met in person, everything was great. Until he began ignoring me. After a race to talk to him, during the conversation it was deduced that it was my thin figure that was the ‘problem’. I even got the classic it’s not you, it’s me.

I felt awful about myself, like I wasn’t good enough. After a lot of tears and pep talks, I learned that this guy was right about one thing: it’s not me, it really is him. A huge lesson I learnt: whether you’re a guy or a girl, don’t ever let someone bring you down to the point where they are making you question your worth and value. Allah (swt) created all of us in different shapes and forms. Nobody is perfect.

It may sound cliche, but what matters on the inside goes a longer way than what is on the outside because as time goes on, we’re all going to change externally. It’s called life. 

But just remember – Allah has created us in pairs. We will all find that right person insha’Allah. Sometimes it’s a struggle and feelings get hurt, but in the end when we find the right person, we will be grateful for past relationships not working out. And if you’re reading this and nobody has told you: you are beautiful whether you’re short, tall, thick, thin, dark, pale. And if someone thinks otherwise, then they are not for you!


The muzmatch app is where Single Muslims meet. Halal, free and fun, thousands of members find their partner on muzmatch. Alhamdullilah over 15,000 people have found their partner on muzmatch around the world! Quality profiles, advanced filters, photo privacy, and cutting edge security make it easy to help you find the ONE.

Download now for iPhone or Android!

Source of inspiration for this article: Virtual Mosque

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124 Responses

  1. Mostafa says:

    Salam everybody 😊
    I have tired from not serious people! Allah knows my intentions that I want a serious relationship leads to a marriage upon to our religion’s rules so who is seriousle please contact via Insta: Mostafa.kamal2
    My area is: the US And Canada
    My age is 27 so I’m ok from 18 till 28 years old, hope to all of you all the best.

  2. Jazi says:

    I went through the same thing. I met a guy ok muzmatch. In fact we met twice. We got along well, and liked each other. Hence, he talked about me to his parents and showed my pic. After seeing my pic his mom rejected saying she don’t like chubby girls. May Allah swt bring everyone on the right path. And In Sha Allah everyone will find their special written by Him. Ameen

    • Nano says:

      This what happens to me every time. Hit it off great then the guy says oh you are a little heavy! Seriously you are not that handsome or great, why criticize a woman. I feel they rely too much on pictures and physical features which makes meeting anyone a headache.

      • Arowolo Omodele Adesola says:

        But I can be ur companion, may Almighty Allah lead us through

      • Amir says:

        we cant control the structure to our bodies but we can control our weight… im 6ft and muscular and i know alot of women are put off by me because they like skinny boys. I guarantee you that if you looked like Kim Kardashian you’d be a shallow arrogant human too. women are shallow but not one person will admit it. You want someone whos financially stable. I want someone whos pretty and slim. Id love for a slim thick girl but my people dont have genetics for being gym fit. Its not fair lol men have different criterias to women.

    • Ali says:

      So, wait, lemme see if I understood that correctly, you two meet the guy TWICE and everything is great BUT it was his mother who wrote you off because SHE didnt like “cubby” girls? I’m confused here. . . .was the mother wanting to marry you or her son? And also was this a man you met or a child? Sorry but curiosity has got the best of me.

    • A says:

      Why 😭. We woman deserve better than that 😭

    • Amir says:

      whuttt? The guy accepted you but the mother didnt? lolllll thats savagery mann sorry to hear

    • Azra says:

      I recently was rejected by a mother too because I’m too short. I’m 5’1 and her son is 5’8 – it’s not like he’s an incredibly tall person. These muslim aunties are going to be the death of me.

  3. Ryan says:

    I think the hide your picture option should be removed from the app, it’s 2018 why would you hide if your intentions are good and wants to find someone to marry, show how you look like and be upfront with your looks and for God sake no face filters.

  4. Mohammad says:

    I have been over here for months and have liked many but not even one reply back in this many months in this place do people massage u or it’s just like a dating website just see the pic and click yes or no

    • Arowolo Omodele Adesola says:

      The samething happens to me too

    • A says:

      I haven’t liked people back for many many weeks cause i wanna fix myself first. Maybe they who you liked still doing like what i do. So it’s okay just think positive, take it easy and pray. May Allah give aal of us the best

  5. Nano says:

    This app is like a tinder somewhat. The reason am saying this is because people will swipe right if they don’t like your profile and keep moving to the next. Second, many don’t make their intentions clear on here and say let’s connect, let’s be friends, let’s chat. Come on you can meet people in work and other places if you want friends and people to know. I also feel most of them want something casual and a simple meet hookup. It’s ridiculous.

  6. Laila says:

    I had this happen to me at a masjid before. A mother was scouting me for her son and told me yeh youre pretty but too skinny.
    Ive been really struggling with my appearance lately and this helped me. Thank u. At the end of the day my opinion about myself matters most. Being on muzmatch made me realize i dont need validion from anyone to feel beautiful.

    • A says:

      You deserve better than that my sister.

    • Saba says:

      Don’t let anybody put you down and make you feel that you are nothing Allah knows and you know you are very beautiful and inshallah whoever is written in your destiny will be there inshallah don’t give up hope

  7. Ali says:

    Just read the blog about “body shaming” so why isit ok for women to body shame men in terms of height but when men do the same with a woman’s weight it’s classed as body shaming? And secondly why isit ok for a woman to reject a guy for his height/ask for a guy to be a certain Height. But when a guy does the same with a woman’s weight, he gets called shallow etc and all kinds of names 👍🏾

    Women also do body shame men in that sense anyway.

    • Mohammed says:

      Yep, double standards!

    • Qumiii says:

      Yes there are double standards but the sister cannot comment on body shaming from a brothers perspective as she is only commenting on her own personal experience. Feel free to write an article to post on here for the sisters. Unfortunately in this day and age, people do see beauty and make a quick decision based on a picture they have seen or someone they have just met, when actually it takes the time to get to know someone and see the beauty within.

    • FractalIntakeMkII says:

      It’s because it’s very popular these days to display women as total victims, beyond any form of criticism and men as either bumbling fools or some scheming evil genius working for some machiavellian conspiracy to oppress women.

      For a lot of women, their number 1 weapon of choice is shaming. The meanest bullies are not the big boys who would steel your lunch money. But the group of girls in the corner emotionally scaring you for life.

      PS: I believe men and women have more in common than differences. But I don’t think you “sisters” can hold the higher ground when it comes to body shaming…Comparing/contrasting people is what Women do best. The types of conversations women groups have vs men groups shows this (on average). Women just love talking about other peoples affairs a lot more then men. Particularly when it comes to trivial stuff about how they dress.

  8. Sohaib says:

    This is so true. But the issue here is that people are not truthful. All the girls and guys who have written that they want a nice, loving, caring partner and that looks doesn’t matter for them is total shit. No one can see how good of a person you are through pictures and pictures only show how you look and that is why people like me rarely get a match.

  9. Muhammad Ali says:

    Everyone on here is all about finding their prince or princess lol
    I have met a girl from here everything went except one thing and that is my accent,I have pure heart and I respect women but whoever I talk and I tell them I am from Pakistan and I was born there they stop talking to me almost every girl is looking for her perfect British born prince lol
    I think it’s then In that case we as men are okay to look for perfect women too but I know it’s not right either.!

    • Ronin says:

      Engage in some white guy hobbies. Take photos with them, including white women. Highlight those before you ever mention that you’re from Pakistan.

      • Painteddyes says:

        Honestly, I think many are concerned about it being all about the green card. They’re afraid of guys taking advantage for that.

        The other thing they’re afraid of is whether they are okay with an American minded girl.

        Although it just boils down to fear of something. Just keep at it, friend, you’ll find someone

  10. Ri says:

    Is it really halal tho. I’ve had many guys hitting on me with the wrong intentions.

    • phuu says:

      yup..same question, same situation happen. But I guess it just a matter of time till I find the right one either on app or real life. Keep positive.

  11. Umer says:

    This is totaly like tinder just r8 left r8 left no buddy can like you nd no bddy can marry with you totaly fake nd im disapointed dn’t use this ap nd dnt waist your time

  12. Lola says:

    The problem is a lot of people r looking for perfection forgetting they r not. To me, peace of mind and some1 who is sincere in his intentions is what we shld crave. I have met quite a no of handsome men that r shallow. Taking women for granted and at the end of d day loose out completely bcos they belief there r many ladies who will fall for their looks. Same to some beautiful ladies. This site is 4 serious minded muslim individual not for unbelievers who want to av a fling!

  13. Saj says:

    Hi, if girls are able to filter searches by height, could guys get the option to filter by weight too please?

  14. A says:

    I’m of a slim build. I had one individual comment on my size within exchanging 2/3 messages. I was generally shocked that someone thinks it’s ok to say: it’s ok to be a bit bigger’ ‘skinny isn’t nice’.
    In my head I was thinking no one forced you to swipe right.
    Thankfully I don’t have an eating disorder or and issues with my size. But I made the point to him that such words could massively effect someones mental health.
    I don’t think you can win either way.

    • Abu Kava says:

      I’ve had a sister ask me within 2 messages what I do for a living without even asking my real name (different then my user name). How do you think that made me feel? I didn’t get any mental health change. If you are that sensitive to someone saying that, that it might ACTUALLY affect your self esteem, that is a problem within itself. No one should be able to upset you that much…no matter what. We are grown adults here…I didn’t care when she said that to me I just laughed at how pathetic and shallow she was. She’s looking for a man to be her work robot a give her money all day. Some women are completely delusional. However I am sorry that happens to you

      • A says:

        I get your point here that it shouldn’t effect me and thankfully it didn’t. But I just found them rather strange remarks to make. Like there is just no need and like I say surely you don’t just swipe on someone to say that to them. Also the word skinny is generally seen as derogatory.
        My point was that there are a lot of people (Male & Female) who take such comments personally & it actually does majorly effect them. I happened to work in a field where I see the impact of such remarks on people. One can clearly see why, with a lot of it being attributed to the pressures of social media in todays society. Right or wrong, it is what it is.
        And actually for whatever reason you feel something isn’t going anything further, just end it. A reason doesn’t always have to be given, as you say we are adults, and we move along.

      • AB says:

        I don’t personally agree with your comment about asking about what you do for a living I would say that’s something that could be asked to break the ice or make conversation if you were asked how much you earn then that is out of order…if someone asked me what I do for a living I would think they are taking an interest in me not my salary. I agree with sister A body shaming can affect someone’s mental health especially me being a slim girl and being told put some weight on made me paranoid for years not to wear tight clothes

      • Azra says:

        This is ridiculous – asking about someone’s profession doesn’t make you a gold digger, it makes you someone who’s trying to make conversation and learn more about you. It’s nowhere near being told that you’re not attractive enough or that you have some physical flaw.

  15. Mo says:

    I felt obliged to comment on this blog as a man. Just because a man isn’t necessarily attracted to a particular woman’s body type doesn’t necessarily always mean he’s body shaming. I do understand that men shouldn’t be shallow enough to expect a woman to look perfect in every way but there should be mutual attraction. It makes it more important for people to see who they are talking to in person sooner rather than later to prevent either of them becoming attached and eventually changing their mind when they meet in person.

    I see many women’s profiles where they don’t want any ‘midgets’ or don’t want to match with anyone who’s a ‘freshie’ before even getting to know so I don’t men are only guilty.

    • Amir says:

      true. Honestly its all cliche. The attractive women have big criterias and the average women have less criterias, below average women have barely any criteria lol. Its almost inevitable that if a girls in more of a demand they can be very picky with height ajd profession and financial status. The ones that are over weight seem to accept me regardless of what i say. its all cliche and everyone who believes they have some moral highground, i guarantee you i can prove them wrong.

      Everyone lies to themselves but ive learnt to be a realist. Fat or chubby girls i personally find unattractive. We all need to be real.

  16. Zeshan ali says:

    Well i got unmatched many times because i’m lil healthy and fat .. 😄😄

  17. Arowolo Omodele Adesola says:

    I haven’t seen any match since a month now

    • Amir says:

      its because people are shallow, includint you and i, and the same people here suggesting personality is most important are liers because no ones giving you a chance.. We need to be honest with our criterias and i cant lie and say im ever marrying someone that i dont find attractive.

  18. Safeer says:

    Why we can find match?
    1. Everyone want a better companion
    2. We don’t want to trust
    3. We are thinking about higher living
    4. We had bad experience in past life
    5. We are shy
    6. We are over confident
    But if you want to start living happy there is no way with out family life
    Believe and trust in Allah and just check what is possible and start your happy life

  19. Buang says:

    Great article! Here are my thoughts:

    The way one treats his/her body is a great indicator of character. If you’re fat and you’re not doing anything about it, it tells me that you’re lazy. If you think that you can eat and eat without repercussions, it tells me that you’re uninformed. My point is; as much as we are supposed to look out for what’s inside, we should also notice how well one treats his/her body too. I have unmatched girls who are considered skinny but have a lazy lifestyle of work, eating crap and netflix.

  20. Mah Noor says:

    It all comes down to this one thing that I’ve come to realize and this is for all of u brothers and sisters: Every creation of Allah is beautiful for the one who can appreciate their beauty and worth, and anything is possible when u have 2 people who genuinely want to make things work!!!

  21. Abu Kava says:

    I am sorry this has to stop. This feeling bad for yourself a thing. Okay he said you are too skinny? Go find another. Too many people are super specific about their future mate. Women more so then men. I don’t care anymore, it is absurd. Men should be shamed for everything? How is this even bad? Did he disrespect her when he told her she was too skinny? I am guessing he didn’t. It just absolutely blows my mind how most women nowadays have become full blown narcissistic little cry babies, our Muslim women is now included in that. There is hope, but the number is increasing. I’m not saying men are perfect. On the contrary, it upsets me completely that I have talked to many women on here and have heard endlessly how many men on here are devoid of any honor, shame, or integrity. They are so disrespectful to the sisters. That’s terrible. That’s another topic but with that even taken into consideration, not all men are like this. Very absurd though, how specific women are on here (you can see it in their profile overtly) they want a
    -rich
    -smart
    -high status
    -educated
    -six pack
    -handsome
    -nice car
    -from a prestigious family (whatever that means) I thought we were all equals in Islam, am I incorrect on that? Excuse me lol…..
    -tall
    And the list goes on and On. Most men just want …

    -a pretty face
    -feminine woman
    -not crazy

    For me honestly, it’s a shame where we have come. I heard of Muslim families asking men to bring a credit report to the families of eligible Muslim women. Shame on you westernized pretentious fathers. Nobody is dying to have your daughter who is 30 plus years old and unmarried only because she thinks she is God’s gift to men. This isnt a brotherhood anymore. It’s become a freak show. There are still good people in this ummah but we need a reality check. Zina is rampant, people feel disgraced and rejected by the community, and marriage is getting harder. Our ummah is weak right now because our love and care for one another is weak. We don’t help each other, we compete with each other. We gossip about each other. You can call me a bitter man but id rather say it how I feel it is, and maybe some people will read it and agree with me because so many people in our ummah live in denial and we really need to change this problem. It’s so bad That married men here in America tell me “Don’t you ever, ever marry a Muslim girl from here” that is a very terrible situation and this of course is a harsh OVERGENERALIZATION but women need to respect our men whether they are educated or blue collar or whatever and our men need to stop obsessing over money and other women. Cheating on your wives and not showing them affection shame on this ummah . Wallah I’m younger so what do I know but I’m old enough to have seen a lot and I’m so fed up with this and how it is. We can’t be like this, we need to hold on to the rope of Islam and uplift each other.’not compete with each other . Look at what’s happening to us in the world
    ….then we come to western countries and we are obsessed with how others see us, money, flashy life.’is this what Muhammad ( ‏ ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم) was sent for? If I didn’t care for Islam and our future I wouldn’t say this

    • Islam says:

      On point.

    • Ronin says:

      It’s ok to feel bad if she’s rejected for whatever reason. But only for a bit. If the sadness and insecurities persist then she has priorities in the wrong place, or has narcicism or depression or worse. Seek help, ask Allah for patience and better fortune.

    • Amir says:

      Very very true. Women are worse than men but someone they get away with it. Double standards are high and mighty with these ones.

      All i want is attraction and chemistry. Other things will follow

  22. Islam says:

    Here what more women first look for on this app:
    1 – Height
    2 – what are doing for a living
    3 – Face and look (including weight)
    4 – skin color
    5 – country of origin (are you born in western countries or not)
    6 – A Muslim that acts and behaves like a non Muslim.

    Very few really cares about anything but what is mentioned above.

    • Ronin says:

      It’s not exclusive to this app only. It’s human nature in the domain of online matchmaking. There have been extensive research by OkCupid and match.com that presents empirical evidence that on average women engage in far more body shaming towards men than men do towards women.

      In offline, civilized and formal circles it’s a well known fact that women commit almost all the body shaming towards other women. e.g. Who criticizes a woman for not wearing makeup or wearing the same dress twice? Men? Pfft

  23. Haamid Usman says:

    Masha Allah…Very interesting Writeup. It’s One that served as a reminder and surely one that made me reflect.
    May Allah reward you.

  24. Ronin says:

    So I’m a short man (5’6″), dark skinned, ugly faced with marks, uneven beard, with man boobs and 37″ waist.

    I am almost certain that all of you complaining women are of those who instantly block me as soon as I reveal photos.

    If you’re skinny as a skeleton in a 1st world country that means you’re either diseased, or so insecure that u actively pursue an unhealthy and unsustainable lifestyle. If you don’t like those in a man, why do you want a man to like those in you?

    • A says:

      Mind blown by this comment. I wasn’t complaining. Just saying slim, chubby whatever have you. You can’t please everyone. And as some people have rightly made the point, there has to be mutual attraction & I completely agree with this
      Your comments are basically implying I either suffer with an illness – which I don’t. Or I actively don’t eat and choose to be slim. Again I eat like a horse and am the way I am.
      And like I said above it’s fine for someone not to like that but why swipe 🤷🏽‍♀️.

      • Ronin says:

        Then you must burn the same and stay FIT, not “skinny”. The comment wasn’t directed at you personally – why are you offended?

        Anyways You missed the point. You will be generalized as you generalize yourself. Just cold facts of life. Being insecure about it is just childish

    • AB says:

      That’s so rude…being skinny is nor a disease or someone whose living an unsustainable lifestyle it could be genetics not all girls want to be skinny it’s something we can’t help…we are also get told i don’t want someone whose just bones. Please be respectful just because you may have suffered a back lash from some women doesn’t give you the right to bash all

  25. Syed says:

    I disagree with this article. There is nothing in nass that validates the points on outward beauty not being important and the verses cited are selective to corroborate the predefined conclusion of the blogger.

    I will not enter into theological debate here but rather metaphor and a succinct expresdionof my (unscientific) opinion.

    Sufis say the domainsof our lives are like gardens. If we tend them, they flourish, if we neglect them they become overgrown thorny weed patches.

    Islam does promote simply good deeds and forgiveness like other faiths but ‘amr’ and ‘nahee’ and forgiveness for mistakes. In other words, we are responsible to ‘actively perform good deeds’ and in addition to that ‘inhibit ourselves from sinning.’

    Good health and image has nothing to do with race, age, height etc in my opinion. It does require 4 hours out of our days to diet, exercise, etc.

    Dr. Madiha Saeed from Chicago has written on this (Holistic RX available on Amazon), r. Mee Lain Ling has solced this exact problem (drmeelainlimg.com).

    My personal observation is that many men and women eat whatever they want, sit around, and use nass to justify their lazy lifestyle.

    I could just as easily selectively choose nass to validate the impirtance of fasting regularly, walking/running everyday, eating less and selectively, and maintaining excellent hygiene.

    If you devote the time management for this, lke many of us do with lists, apps, and excel sheets, you will no longer have a body image issue. -end

  26. Abu Kava says:

    By the way There was no insensitivity or lack of empathy for the sister and if would upset me if she read this and got hurt. Most of my response was not relevant to her situation at all and I just meant it with regards to the Muslim people. I said just go find a better fit for you, if your reading this I wish you good blessings inshallah sister. I don’t know what the man said to her specifically but I know that most men deal with rejection far more then women. So maybe we take it better. Good luck to everyone out there. Inshallah khayr

  27. Serkan says:

    Also everybody sees those fancy hot looking guys and women on Instagram especially and they try to match with that are looking for so it causes disappointment 🙂

    From NYC

  28. Wanderlust says:

    Men – stop complaining about height filtering. It is important for some women because they themselves are tall. Put 3-4 decent photos of yourself on the site and fill in the profile on what you are looking for and who you are, quit being lazy and you will stop getting bad results. And answer your messages regularly. You WILL have a woman message you. I have been very open on race, height, backgrounds, children, age, occupation, etc. on this site and I notice I have tons of matches. But they don’t all work out for one reason or another 50% is because men don’t respond back. I wait 3 days after you’ve seen my message and un-match and move on. If you are too busy then you aren’t ready for marriage. You can say no thank you I won’t be hurt because I don’t know you!

    I can’t stress enough good pictures are a MUST we need to see your face! Go look at your own profile and make sure It looks good. Don’t just assume that someone will accept anything. If that is your attitude then you won’t get anything good.

    Women – Stop complaining and remove the dumb filters. Yes, you can use natural sunlight to look better but filtering and tons of make up isn’t fair. People deserve to know what you look like. I don’t know what other women do because I don’t see their profiles, but seriously be adults ladies. If you aren’t truly ready and want people to think you are a doll, go elsewhere people are trying to complete their Deen here. This is serious.

    Everyone – people are allow to decide what they do and don’t like. If you are super picky, be picky about their Deen fist and foremost. But remember that everyone has their own level of Iman. Don’t run after someone for looks when your Iman levels or religious views don’t match – it won’t work long term. Don’t be angry with someone who says no, your Qadr is written, you are just doing your part to find your partner. Be patient. We are all searching.

    • Ronin says:

      السلام عليكم
      I like you.

    • Ronin says:

      However, just because someone’s too busy to answer chat, s/he is not ready for marriage?

      That’s just a stupid way of thinking. I would never marry someone this entitled.

      • Michael says:

        I agree with her, if one seeses the message and still doesnt answer in a day or two or three max. He/she is either disinterested or just busy but still even tho he/she is busy they could reply when they are not and have a chat then instead of like ghost around and never reply.., one woman told me she has been busy when i messaged her after about good 5 months, then she messages me ”i have been busy” i am like woman gtfo, no one can be that busy. Just full of bs some people tbh, some are here to waste time and find friends too like seriously, go to tinder or hot or not or facebook to find friends but dont come on muzmatch/minder to find friends when the object and purpose in these applications is to find a spouse.. smh, some people really need a brain.

    • A says:

      Yeah so true

    • Amir says:

      Looks are more important to a guy unfortunately. Its just nature.

    • AB says:

      Totally agree with you

    • Latte says:

      Great post and advice.

      The height thing though…people have preferences and it’s the same with height so fair enough. But really, you can say anything is important, including someones body type.

      As a guy reading through the female profiles though, I am amazed at the height requirements. It isn’t about it being important for some women because they themselves are tall because most I’ve read are not tall. They like wearing their 5 inch heels and still want someone taller when they do (as many profiles say). Or, like everyone they are going for what they see as their perfect man, and he’s 6 feet tall.

      My personal favourite is the 5’3″ sister who wants someone at least 5’10” or 5’11” because everyone else in her family is tall and he needs to fit in. The profile literally said this!! Which is sad because the rest of the profile was really good and she sounds like a good person.

      You’d think it was an Islamic requirement that the man is taller than the woman!

      Putting all of that to one side, people need to have a bit of decency and decorum when having these conversations. Yes, you may have a preference for what you want but issues around body image are real, especially for women. Some of the examples given here for things said are out of order.

  29. Amina Alam says:

    Kind of ironic with the apps layout that the picture is at the forefront though 🤷🏽‍♀️ Majority of men have swiped me based upon my picture instead of reading my profile. Then are surprised when we have a converstation.. hence me having to privatise pictures. But in reality the apps layout also subconsciously allows people to put more focus on looks.

  30. Michael says:

    As salaamu alaykum to everyone.

    Article was pretty good, good points. We should first and foremost take our time to make us better muslims, better our manners and morals. Why is it tho that overweight people complain, about that their spouse or who they met didnt like them because they are overweight, well lose weight then! Whats the problem! Arent you that serious and willing to lose a bit weight for marriage to work, i mean come on. Also, isn’t in Islam Health a big thing, how many hadiith we have about taking care of our health and body. One time Omar Radiallahu Anhu met a fat man, and he pocked with his stick and said what is this? The man said”a blessing from Allah” Omar replied”nay, but a curse from Allah”, also Our Prophet Muhammad PBUH, never had a belly, always a flat stomach. He used to excersice too, he PBUH said ”take care of your health before sickness”. We know these days how damaging fat is to our bodies, being overweight isnt beautiful, it is sick and makes one more lazy and might give even other sicknesses like type 2 diabetes and what not, so instead of crying and complainin, go and do something about it.

    Jazaakumullahu Khayran.

    • Ronin says:

      Being skinny and bony is also sick. Nothing wrong to desire six packs and tight butt. But don’t throw away the ones in moderation. And don’t try to normalize the two extremes (skinny and obese)

      • Michael says:

        Did i say skinny and bony? I just said it is important to be healthy and to take care lf our health and not to be obese, it is ok to be slim or curvy or whatever but not too skinny so that it is worse neither to be fat which is also wrong and bad for ones health.

    • Azra says:

      Salam – I eat healthy, exercise 4-5 times a week (cardio and weight lifting) and generally live a healthy lifestyle, yet I’m still overweight. I have hypothyroidism and PCOS, both hormonal conditions that make me predisposed to holding on weight. I’m telling you this because not all people who are overweight have a choice about it. We’re not all lazy. Some things are beyond our control, so please don’t be so quick to judge people.

  31. Michael says:

    Btw i have been denied too only because of my ethnicity even tho what should be most important is because i am Muslim.

    I am Romanian, 25 years old, manager and entrepreneur soon(In shaa Allah)
    -5’9ft
    -slim
    -brown eyes
    -thick beard(short/medium height)
    -dark features but im still white lol.

    I consider myself to be decent looking/handsome. Alhamdulillah, and yes some sisters have said no to me because of how i looked at the time or because i dont live in uk(most of the time ,uk women are not ready nor willing to move) or i wasnt a doctor or the most known reason, i am not pakistani, bengali, arab, checheni, bosnian, kurdish(this is what their parents say) etc

    I dont care, i move on. Everyone has different taste, some like big women and some dont, some with glasses and some without, some asian and some african and some european. We people, are differenet and we come in different personalities and colors and sizes too, thats how Allah created us, some are soft, some cold and tough and some between.

    Now if there is something that one can do to be more attractive then do so, if you was looking like smeagle from lord of the rings then dress well, go and excerice, lose that weight, cut your hair, trim your beard(not cut it) etc, put on perfume, wash your teeth twice a day, go shower more than once a week etc.

    • Ronin says:

      South Asian people are as racist as israelis

    • Abu Kava says:

      “Only those who accept will find they acceptance in return.” Bro you are a Romanian Muslim, I’ve never even met a brother that was Romani. You are unique bro, don’t be upset so many women I match with they just sit around for days. I unmatch. NOONE IS THAT BUSY, hahah. Everyone acts so high value and busy its so sad. It’s all fake. Anyway you will definitely find a Muslim girl, don’t let this be your only avenue. I don’t know where you live but ask around and network. Our time will come inshallah good luck brother.

      • Michael says:

        I am Romanian not Romani(which i think are those gypsies or whatever) The thing is we have small muslim community about 70k muslims in my country where i live. I tried to ask mosques but they dont have that many options lol if i may say that, lets just say they dont have women that are in my criteria. I live in Finland,northern europe. Also yes, some might be big boned than others but that does not mean to let yourself go and just get obese, one need to maintain ones health, excersice and eat healthy. Dont tell me if you are big boned you are normally fat or cant get fit or slim by doing a bit excersise and by eating healthy.

        There might be cases where one has maybe a disease that is rare that makes it difficult to get fit or something but not all have that.

        Peace and love everybody.

      • Michael says:

        In shaa Allah ta a3la. One day brother, one day Bi’idnillah.☺️😎

  32. Howaida Nassr says:

    I am agree with you

  33. Hossein says:

    Well based on what I read I’m sorry but I’m not willing to accept if she is not willing to care for herself and keep fit. I personally don’t like women who are fat!! I dont find them attractive your eyes are the first thing to attract you to her, then gauging her in conversation will you ascertain if her personality is to your liking. Not saying she has to be a supermodel and size 6 but it’s not wrong to have a preference. With that I’m out….let’s see the I’m shallow remarks follow this post!

    • Laila says:

      Youre shallow as hell. You know people are build differently right. Some people have a bigger body and exercise is not going to change that. Calling them unfit is just bs. The stupidity some of you guys have is baffling.

      • Amir says:

        excercise can help. be the best version of you that you can be. If you’re over weight, consider finding a guy thats over weight because then you can understand. Its different for a guy because attraction plays a big part in reproduction. Not so much for a woman…

  34. Abdul manaf says:

    Hmmm i have never had that choice of a woman of my dreams n choice here n am very sad

  35. Amir says:

    Nonsensical rubbish. Body shaming is an issue for everyone and attraction is extremely important for a long and passionate relationship. Im not attracted to chubby/big girls, if youve got blurred images and i discover an over weight girl. almost 10 times out of 10 im unmatching. It seems like the south asian communities are paving the way for being over weight. Genetics does play a big part and we are prone to diabetes/heart disease i get that hence why we should be putting more effort into our health and wellbeing. Having a stomach is the first sign that you’re over weight, yes we deposit bodyfat differently to others and i can help you underatand the difference but Looks should be the main priority for a healthy relationship. Everything else plays a crutial part but i cant make babies with someone im not attracted to. simple. This is such a big issue and i seem to only attract bigger ladies lol

  36. Sweden says:

    Lol. Even when I match with a girl who is not that good looking but I thought had a heart of gold, telling her she is beautiful and a golden personality, she begins to ride on a high horse and gives you the cold hand. Even if men complement women, they get cold and ghost you believing they will find a Johnny depp.

    One also I met in real life after chatting, she instantly became cold after seeing me in real life

  37. O’boy says:

    The feminazi article continues…everything wrong with this world is because of men.

  38. Ronin says:

    @Men,

    Remember that weight and physique are very very sensitive topics for women. They’re bombarded with criticisms for them by the pop culture, other women and sometimes other men too.

    Never criticize her irl on these unless she’s your sister/mother/wife/daughter. If you have to reject a suitor on these grounds, make up another excuse, no matter how terrible you think she is, if you want to avoid backlash. And no, the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” doesn’t fool them evidently.

    Seriously, you’ll gain nothing but bad rep and hasad. So protect yourself. Lie/ change topic for the sake of politeness.

  39. Shams says:

    Honestly any woman I see as potentially attractive to me does not like my profile back despite me being tall and educated with a good income alhamdulilah and raised in North America. I’m not sure what the heck women are looking for on this app maybe we all need to show 6 packs? I find mostly I get matches from similar ancestral background which is a little concerning am I only being considered because it is where my family is from? It is basically exactly like tinder 90% pics with little to no attention to details meanwhile most of the women use filters in their pics and makeup.

    • Jammy says:

      bro i only seem to match with over weight girls / attractive with a dry and boring personality, the sort that fails to generate any form of conversation other than responding to questions.. The attractive girls with amazing personalities wont touch us. its a shame because i dont find any of my matches attractive enough to reproduce.. this whole ordeal sucks haha

  40. senzebean says:

    Plenty of women shame men for physical qualities without even knowing them. Difference is the man won’t make a blog about making men look like the bad guys; although this one wasn’t specifically faulting men. Getting tired of muzmatch posting blogs that indirectly/directly blame/shame men. Does noone ever write about this princess culture where every girl only wants a man who was last scene on an episode of ‘He-man’ but with money. I don’t even hate women; I think they’re a blessing but legit a lot of them treat men like objects. Ohh the irony. On the topic of weight. I’ve unmatched based on weight because I do feel physical attraction is important; similar to how ~80% of women have a height requirement lol…will not go into other weird requirements. At least weight can be can be changed though; I’ll always be a 5’8 midget😂. But seriously I wish at some point this hypocrisy of male hate would just stop. A lot of qualities people aren’t looking for are facing them in the mirror; man or women. And yh I do realise this comment went off on a bit of a tangent lol

  41. Mohamed says:

    Stay strong, keep your head up, words can never change the fact that you are beautiful.

  42. Zee says:

    Interesting read from the comments, May Allah ease our burdens of finding our spouses and make it easy for all of us Ameen

  43. Elif says:

    This is horrile .. you know we as a ummah is faiking becuase if these tyoe of double standards. Surely marriage has a deeper meaning than disrefarding someone based on thier looks ? . Remember your mum /dad dont look the same as they did when they were 20 and are still marriaged and sadly this willnkot be the case for many , i think this is vice vera as attractive women/men have a worry that someine will marry then just for this sake …and equally go though a hard time finding a potencial husband .and this problem is what we created .

    • Muzzy says:

      I agree! And like Mufti Menk said in one lecture, our parents came to this country with very little but they still succeeded – yet some parents in this day and age want it all before they’ve even met the other side
      Islam simply says to look for Deen and Character
      We should not be displeased with ones weight or height or materialistic stuff..that can bring about envy or anything in forms of anxiety etc!
      Belittling someone for something they are lacking in is like questioning Allah for what type of creature he has created
      I myself have always been content with my looks and size etc

      Let’s all be grateful instead of being picky and leave the rest to the Almighty
      He says “Ask and I shall give”

  44. Matched Man says:

    I am a man and these comments from other men just proves the fact most men cannot handle rejection. This poor lady is sharing her experience and instead of showing empathy, these men moan and take her article personally as if she is attacking them. I would not want these men as a son or son in law. Imagine how cruel they would be to wives after marriage? I am not on the app now but read muzmatch articles and constantly see moaning men in the comments. As if moaning is going to help them land a wife.
    Ha! Get real. No smart lady will marry an ugly man with an ugly heart.
    You guys may not make a moaning article but you sure to hijack the comment section in almost every article.
    Here is a tip. Smart men do not moan, they solve their problems which many women find attractive. Nowadays men do not exercize much, get fat and get acne but expect women to accept the mans ugliness and be pretty herself?! I read comments here and a brother was moaning about how his ugly face and his obesity turns women off, other brothers indicating only men should judge by looks and not women. What hypocrispy! Read your qurans. God dislikes hypocrites.

    • AB says:

      I agree with you…it’s like why are men if a woman has a height preference it’s all personal preference we all have the right to choose our partner…I read profiles that bash women’s expectations and I pass them as it shows what the guy is really like…this article is clearly stating body shaming not a woman who met someone and then complained he was too short or too tall. I am a slim girl and most guys don’t like my weight but I don’t take it personally yes I wish I could put a little weight but I am not going to cry about it

    • Tired_of_rude_and_cringy_women says:

      Totally agree. Smart men do not moan. All men also don’t like women who whine.

      Therefore, some men get tilted by these whining articles by women and lash out.

      These are important issues. If only muzmatch didn’t employ a femenazi to write the blog that frames these issues to generate controversy…

    • Azra says:

      Thank you! Reading the comments section on these articles makes me sooo depressed and hopeless about finding a decent man who doesn’t hate and constantly bash women. If anything this article was being critical of women who put more energy on their physical appearance than on their character, yet there are so many misogynist men in the comments who are taking it personally. Get over yourselvesssss

  45. AB says:

    *why are men complaining

    • sensubean says:

      I think why men are complaining is because the expectations of most women towards men is too over the top. Tbh the height is a reasonable preference especially if the girl is tall herself but it is a bit weird to reject a guy from the get go if he missed the cut by an inch🤣. Funny story- I know a guy who overestimated his height by two inches on purpose. Went to meet a girl and she never noticed. When it became seriously close to meeting parents he came out that he’s actually two inches shorter than stated and said it out of insecurity. She rejected him few days later as she had a height limit and it was important. Fair enough but if you come across a similar situation mutiple times it will ultimately make men resent women. Especially when said guy is good looking, in good shape, good job, attractive in real life etc but not the case with every woman. To the matched man above I think you’ll find women also hate on men similarly but voice their frustration on other sites. Still I do agree that bashing women’s expectations on profile is a bit petty. As for solving this problem I don’t think there will ever be a solution. It’s more than just getting in shape, getting a nice haircut, making more money, acting a certain way etc. Unfortunately the sad truth is many men and women will end up alone. Islam had it and has had it right all along. The fact that most of us deviate from the recommendations of what to look for shows us how similar we are to the non-muslims in this area. Not to mention a large amount of muslims these days see no problem with extra-marital relations🤢.

      May be being single isn’t such a bad thing after all🤔

      • AB says:

        You are right I suppose we all have our flaws and to reject someone after it was getting serious over something that didn’t matter in the beginning is pure stupidity…I think the annoying part is not the preference of the profile of a person as you have the option to not like them it’s when someone ‘likes’ You and then can’t hold conversation or stops replying

        • sensubean says:

          Preaching to the choir on that one. I don’t entirely blame people. Human will always seek the best possible outcome. In the case with dating apps there are so many options that once someone better comes along they may infact ghost you. I admittedly still use this app because I would find it difficult approaching muslima out in the real world and my parents aren’t exactly helpful either lol. When I get a new match I give them a max of two days to reply even if they haven’t seen the message. Deep down I know I’ll never find someone on here but no other choice really. The local mosque with their bureau was really unhelful as well. My only positive from the experience is that once in a while I get a new match so I don’t get the feeling I’m totally undesirable🤣.

    • Tired_of_rude_and_cringy_women says:

      I think they’re complaining because of the way the article is framed. It’s designed to pander to feminists and tilt men. Well it succeeded and generated traffic for muzmatch.

      Mission accomplished lol

  46. sensubean says:

    Girl: I’m look for tall, dark, handsome, rich etc. Where are all the good men? They all look average/under average.

    Also girl: I need to wear 10kg of make up to hide all my zits, give myself a new nose shape, give me a more flattering jaw line, hide my eye bags, make my eyes stand out, make my skin look better…but I still won’t settle for average looking guy because come on look at me.🙊

    Guys: I need a hot, young thang. She gotta look good all the time, slim but not too skinny and do what I say.

    Also guy: I’m hungry need a cheese burger. Ahh man I can’t see past my toes. I don’t need a haircut or maintain my beard; I’m a man. Damn I stink! Oh well nothing a bottle of lynx won’t fix. Damn I can’t reach the remote. Mom! Moooooom! Mooooooooom!

  47. FractalIntakeMkII says:

    Shaming is cruel and says more about the person doing the shaming then it does about the victim. People who do that kind of stuff have severe inferiority complexes .

    However, there are many factors that are within reasonable control along with ones that aren’t. If you’re overweight. it usually means you don’t live a very healthy lifestyle. Of course there are medical conditions for why people are fat. But most people, they are in bad shape because their lifestyle is terrible. And south Asian cultures are notorious for unhealthy lifestyle of extreamly rich food coupled with no physical exercise. That’s one of the reasons why we are the unhealthiest demographics.

    Why is that important? As a man looking for a wife who will give birth and raise my children, lifestyle and health are important. This is why our brains (especially the male ones) are so quick at working out whether a partner is physically attractive or not. It’s also why men can appear very shallow. The list of requirements for a prospective wife is different in some ways than a husband. Here’s a comparison…

    Prospective Wife…
    -Healthy
    -“pretty”, physically attractive
    -Slim in some cultures. Bulky in others (sub saharan african for example)
    -emphatic
    -trustworthy and reliable (especially when things get tough)
    -able to bare and raise children
    -Her catering capability

    Prospective husband
    -Tall
    -Strong
    -Athletic
    -Well dressed
    -Well groomed
    -Well educated
    -Influential
    -Independent
    -Generous
    -Stable job with good income
    -Emotional compatibility (chemistry)
    -All round, someone who is reliable and can gather resources that’s otherwise unattainable by the female by herself. Particularly when she enters the risky stage of giving birth.

    What i listed above is the traditional values people look for in spouses. It’s not necessarily the correct ones. I would say men’s list of criteria are pitifully poor on most cases. If you’re amazingly pretty, screw everything else. It’s as simple as that for a lot of men. Personally I look for the same things as a women look for in a man. Someone who is also well educated, has a good profession, emotionally compatible, athletic and strong…

    • senzubean says:

      80-100% of said ‘pretty’ is more than likely due to make-up so the list is pretty non existant for men🤣. Many guys are actually willing to go for the large unhealthy girl too

  48. “So, rather than striving to perfect a body that will, one day, end up covered in dirt, how about we turn to what truly matters? Instead of facelifts and breast enhancements, perhaps we ought to focus more on uplifting our faith and morality; and instead of dwelling over fat layers and contemplating liposuction”

    I’m sorry that’s just wishywashy tosh that has very little value to anyone. I don’t doubt you have good intentions and there are truths in it like seeking Allah’s guidance. But I’m really against the “live only for the next life” mentality. To have a good life one must ensure they have the best possible life for themselves and their children. When you bring multiple variables into it, people are tested. And many fail. And they probably won’t have a better afterlife as a consequence of failing. Basically, setup your life as best as you can to minimise these tests. And health is one of them…

    Just because you will die one day, does not mean you should neglect your body. I know it’s not something you’re probably implying, but what does someone who read your article have to get out of it? “I will die one day, so who cares how i look. Why should i be fit and healthy. Those are only for people in Love island innit”.

    Why are Liposuction and facelifts even bought into the discussion? Ever heard of physical activity? Stop eating curry and baklava all day and go out for a nice walk or bike ride. Join the gym. Go swimming, rock climbing or cycling. You will end up feeling better, living longer and healthier, make lifelong friends and look physically attractive. Makeup/grooming/fashion only goes so far in making someone attractive. But they’re insignificant in comparison to an individual’s actual physical appearance like body mass index, their posture, muscular tone etc.

    Furthermore, it teaches you discipline and willpower. If you learn to keep running despite your legs and lungs telling you otherwise, chances are you can keep going on a lot of things in life…

    Physical beauty (cosmetic or actually physical) does indeed fade. And physical attraction should never be the only criteria or even the most important one. If you marry someone who’s incredibly attractive but don’t gel well emotionally, chances are the relationship isn’t sustainable. But it has its place. When you look for a spouse, you look for someone to raise children together. And physical appearance indicates a person’s lifestyle health and even values. Why would I share life and children with someone who can’t take that good care of themselves? I could not care less about what she wears or how well-groomed she is. Because that’s not taking care of herself. That’s taking care of other people due to contemporary cultural dogma….

    It’s incredibly important to look after your body the best way you can. Our prophet (PBUH) encouraged this explicitly. Why is it Sunnah to walk? Not only it does you good, it has this amazing ability to reprogram your brain in a ways you never experienced before. (there’s actual clinical evidence to prove this). So it can even make you more spiritual!

    And i speak from my own experience. I was slightly chubby chap before though never shamed for it. Until i started online spouse hunting which didn’t go anywhere for me. But due to several life style changes mostly due to acquiring new hobbies more than anything, i became a lot more toned and athletic. And that significantly increased the number of matches i had online. Furthermore, activities like hiking/mountain climbing really broadens your mental horizons in a way not possible by any other means.

    So stop munching on curry all the time. Go for a nice walk. Go climb a mountain if you can, or join groups that does such activities (various Mosques hosts such events for example). There is nothing stopping you but yourself…

  49. “So, rather than striving to perfect a body that will, one day, end up covered in dirt, how about we turn to what truly matters? Instead of facelifts and breast enhancements, perhaps we ought to focus more on uplifting our faith and morality; and instead of dwelling over fat layers and contemplating liposuction”

    I’m sorry that’s just wishywashy tosh that has very little value to anyone. I don’t doubt you have good intentions and there are truths in it like seeking Allah’s guidance. But I’m really against the “live only for the next life” mentality. To have a good life one must ensure they have the best possible life for themselves and their children. When you bring multiple variables into it, people are tested. And many fail. And they probably won’t have a better afterlife as a consequence of failing. Basically, setup your life as best as you can to minimise these tests. And health is one of them…

    Just because you will die one day, does not mean you should neglect your body. I know it’s not something you’re probably implying, but what does someone who read your article have to get out of it? “I will die one day, so who cares how i look. Why should i be fit and healthy. Those are only for people in Love island innit”.

    Why are Liposuction and facelifts even bought into the discussion? Ever heard of physical activity? Stop eating curry and baklava all day and go out for a nice walk or bike ride. Join the gym. Go swimming, rock climbing or cycling. You will end up feeling better, living longer and healthier, make lifelong friends and look physically attractive. Makeup/grooming/fashion only goes so far in making someone attractive. But they’re insignificant in comparison to an individual’s actual physical appearance like body mass index, their posture, muscular tone etc.

    Furthermore, it teaches you discipline and willpower. If you learn to keep running despite your legs and lungs telling you otherwise, chances are you can keep going on a lot of things in life…

    Physical beauty (cosmetic or actually physical) does indeed fade. And physical attraction should never be the only criteria or even the most important one. If you marry someone who’s incredibly attractive but don’t gel well emotionally, chances are the relationship isn’t sustainable. But it has its place. When you look for a spouse, you look for someone to raise children together. And physical appearance indicates a person’s lifestyle health and even values. Why would I share life and children with someone who can’t take that good care of themselves? I could not care less about what she wears or how well-groomed she is. Because that’s not taking care of herself. That’s taking care of other people due to contemporary cultural dogma….

    It’s incredibly important to look after your body the best way you can. Our prophet (PBUH) encouraged this explicitly. Why is it Sunnah to walk? Not only it does you good, it has this amazing ability to reprogram your brain in a ways you never experienced before. (there’s actual clinical evidence to prove this). So it can even make you more spiritual!

    And i speak from my own experience. I was slightly chubby chap before though never shamed for it. Until i started online spouse hunting which didn’t go anywhere for me. But due to several life style changes mostly due to acquiring new hobbies more than anything, i became a lot more toned and athletic. And that significantly increased the number of matches i had online. Furthermore, activities like hiking/mountain climbing really broadens your mental horizons in a way not possible by any other means.

    So stop munching on curry all the time. Go for a nice walk. Go climb a mountain if you can, or join groups that does such activities (various Mosques hosts such events for example). There is nothing stopping you but yourself…

    • The Librarian says:

      How can someone munch on curry? It’s not a biscuit.

      You assume all fat people are lazy. Could be those plus size girls just have a thyroid problem. Women are genetically engineered to have more body fat than men, it’s called fat reserves in case she gets pregnant so her baby can be nourished. What’s the excuse for men to be fatter than women? I see fat men shaming fat women all the time while chasing skinny women.

      You were never shamed for being a chubby chap. Women from almost all cultures are shamed for having a little bit of chubs so I am not surprised you don’t understand the pain of this woman behind the article nor other women. Not sure about the intellect part, but you surely have the unsympathetic part correct on your username!

  50. UnsympatheticIntellect says:

    Oh spare me the semantic lesson.

    Let me address the points you raise without questioning your intellectual integrity…

    A)
    Firstly don’t make my assumptions for me. I have never I think ALL fat people are lazy. Some people are chubby due to mental health issues. But most people are overweight due to poor life choices. There’s sufficient clinical data on this to the extant it reached government policy level. Though it’s never one issue (like lazy people) but a combination of hundreds if not thousands of them. But most peoples “bulk” are within their control. Sorry if that’s offensive to your ideological leanings. So what’s your argument? All plus girls have thyroid problems? Where’s your data?

    B)
    Not all culture deem chubby women as unattractive. Quite the opposite in Saharan Africa to Latin American cultures. Many of them would find our (western) conventions of beauty deeply unattractive. In fact it’s only recently skinny women are considered conventionally beautiful in the west. They certainly were not throughout human history. Look at depiction of ideal women from the ancient Greek to the 1950s… And that’s precisely because “little chubs” are a good indicator of fertility and chances of successful offspring. Our brains calculate this in seconds. So biology didn’t make women bodies unattractive to men. Some women’s life choices made them unattractive to men. Just like some mens life choices made them unattractive to women.

    C)
    There’s no excuse for a fat man either if he could do something about it. It’s not just me saying this. Even our Prophet (PBUH) disliked over indulgence and gluttonous figures (particular mention of the stomach).

    D)
    Some fat men do shame fat women, that’s true. But I’m afraid shaming is a Women’s number 1 choice of weapon. Female bullying can be unbelievably vicious, especially towards each other. It takes the shape of reputation destruction, innuendo and gossip. It’s well documented by clinical physiologists (anti social behavior among adolescence and young adults). With men it’s usually outright physical aggression instead. But both are destructible human behaviors. But men and women have different channels to vent their hate. And it’s usually reputation destruction with women. Even you demonstrate this to some degree.

    E)
    I wasn’t shamed for it because I belong to polite society. But how i wish people gave me constructive criticism. Because people always said positive things about me. Which is never good. The issue is not the gossip of a few (but very loud) immature adults. It’s dealing with the “It’s you’re fault for not accepting me because my body reflects an unhealthy lifestyle”. Sure we accept it, it’s your choice. No one should shame you for it. Just don’t expect all of us to marry you.

    E)
    My alias is named after the song i was listening to. And you make a classic example of Women using reputation destruction to make a point. You just had to add that little piece at the end to get others on your side. Because empirical evidence/logic and reasoning clearly aren’t your forte. And that’s not attacking your intellectual capacity. Maybe you’re too emotionally driven and less so on facts… People like you have their place of course as do people like me.

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