10 Ways To Be Single & Content

NB: The primary audience for this piece is Muslim women, but points in this article may certainly benefit and apply to the brothers as well, insha’Allah.
  1. Realise That You are Where You’re Meant to Be

It may be hard to do so, especially when it seems that so many individuals around us are in a relationship/seeing someone. However, one of the most sobering ways to change your perspective is recognising that Allah, subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), has written your entire destiny – way before you even came into existence. What has happened in your life was decreed, and what has been decreed and yet to happen will surely come to pass. If you are single right now, it is because you are living out what has already been decreed for you. That’s it. Your destiny lies in the hands of Allah (swt) – your job is not to dwell on it or worry about it, but to carry on with life as you should. If it happens that a husband – or no husband, or multiple ones due to divorce/death – is written as part of your destiny, then have faith that it will surely come to materialise. Feeling anxious over a future you’ve had yet to live will serve you in no way other than to keep you down and even feeling depressed. Wherever you are in your life right now, whether in hardship or ease, know that it is exactly where Allah (swt) intends you to be – and Allah (swt) intends everything for a reason. You have no clue: maybe He knows you are not ready for a relationship, or that a relationship at this particular point in your life may be disastrous for you. Have trust in Allah (swt) and believe with all of your heart that He, the Most Kind, is always looking out for you in your favour!

  1. Let Go of Entitlement

You are not owed a relationship. Just like the air you breathe or a great cup of coffee, a decent and compatible spouse is a blessing from Allah (swt). Think of all of the millions of individuals who perished before ever experiencing a relationship, or those who have been in many relationships but have never experienced true love. Allah (swt) bestows upon people what He wishes – he is Al Wahhab after-all. And so, letting go of the idea that you deserve to be in a relationship or that Allah (swt) has been unfair to you in any way (and we seek refuge in Allah from such thoughts), will free your mind and allow you to be grateful for the multitude of other blessings that He has placed in your life out of His Mercy. Remember – a husband may be the cherry on the cake, but he is not the cake. For me, at least, the cake is my relationship with Allah (swt). Every other piece of decoration on the cake – such as friends, family, a spouse, a career – make up the beautiful blessings that Allah (swt) has surrounded me with.

 

  1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Muslims

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Often times, we self-sabotage by comparing where we are in our lives to other people. Indeed, if you ever find yourself doing this, refer back to point #1. Once you realise that they are in a different chapter of their life stories than you are, comparison becomes futile. Truly, it turns into comparing apples and oranges.

One of the worst arenas for comparison is social media; when one’s newsfeeds are decorated with happy engagement, wedding, or baby announcements, it can be a quick way for insecurities to develop and take hold. Indeed, if you are already insecure with your “singlehood,” then such images and status updates may be salt added to your emotional wounds. Rather than wallowing in misery or blaming those who choose to share their happiness publicly, it is very important for you to ask yourself why you have reacted in such a way. What triggered your flood of emotions – whether it be sadness, jealousy, or bitterness? Ceasing to compare yourself to others and instead, addressing any emotional voids you may be feeling is a healthy approach for any individual who is feeling insecure with being single. Oh yeah—and get off the computer.

  1. Be Secure with Being Single

What can be worse than being single? Being single and insecure. Since you’ve already established that you are simply living out the destiny Allah (swt) has decreed for you, learn to not only own but LOVE your single status! Admittedly, for a very long time, I held marriage and relationships to a very ideal standard. It wasn’t until I actually hung-out/spoke with married couples, and dealt with children that I realised how blessed I was to be single! I know it sounds odd, but after hearing about the things that couples go through, or the actual difficulties of child-rearing and witnessing first-hand what that entailed, I became very grateful for my current lifestyle. I completely love having free time and scheduling my days the ways that I want. I also love my personal space and not being held accountable to any person (…well except my parents to a certain degree). Once I was able to stop feeling insecure about being single, the quality of my life improved tenfold! Most importantly, I began to think realistically: am I at a place where I even want to be in a relationship now – am I ready? Do I want children before pursuing my own personal life-goals? Am I mature enough to face a relationship? Am I ready to choose someone to spend the rest of my entire life with? Honestly asking yourself such questions, and removing the facade of a perfect husband and children from your mind will help to make you feel more secure with your personal decisions and where you are in your life.

  1. Be Critical of Expectations

One important thing to ask yourself is: Do I want to get married for myself, or because it’s expected of me? As women, we need to acknowledge and challenge the life-scripts that have been doctored for us by society, culture, friends, family, and heck, even ourselves, and realise that we are living within a patriarchal sociopolitical framework which often limits women’s roles. If you want to be in a relationship due to external pressures and not internal decisions, then pause and ask yourself if that’s fair to you – or your future spouse. Unfortunately, young marriages – as great as they can be – have been idealised to such an unhealthy degree in our Muslim communities that it has isolated and ostracised entire cohorts of people including those who are single and in their mid-late twenties/thirties, or those who are divorced with or without children, and/or widowed.

I know plenty of sisters who are absolutely desperate to get married because of social pressures. That is, if they don’t get married, their communities will view them and their families as pariahs. Even worse, assumptions may be made of the single female; e.g. she’s single because she’s infertile, has poor character, is too career driven, or that she may be gay (ignorant, I know). Unfortunately, it is very hard for many individuals to wrap their heads around the fact that a woman may be single because she CHOOSES to be. By not acknowledging a female’s agency to choose whether or not to be in a relationship, many Muslims expose their patriarchal and sometimes even sexist states of minds. Therefore, it is very important for us to recognise the often limited roles that are allotted to women (such as wife or stay-at-home mom), and how that may affect us and the decisions we make in our lives. We are more than our wombs, sexual organs, and ability/inability to carry children. Allah (swt) has honoured us far above such things.

  1. Educate Yourself

One of the biggest regrets I’ve heard and read from other women who are married and/or have children is that they no longer have the time for educational pursuits. It is so, so important for us as single Muslimahs to realise that we have time on our side! Seize the opportunity NOW to get a degree, read/memorise/study the Qur’an, learn the deen (religion), or simply pursue new skills or languages. The reality is that if you hope to one day be married and have children, it will be very difficult to do these things therefore, empower yourself with education. It deeply saddens me when I see bright, young Muslimahs expressing such sorrow over not being in a relationship when they have so much more to offer themselves and their communities – their minds.

A great example is Imam An-Nawawi, radi Allahu `anhu (may God be pleased with him), the legendary hadith (narrations) scholar, who chose not to get married because he felt as though his studies would cause him to not fulfil his duties towards his wife. SubhanAllah (Glory be to God)! Now, I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting to get married – of course not! But it is incredible to see how Imam An-Nawawi, a young man when he died, could’ve been so honest with himself and so dedicated to his studies. On top of that, he was able to realise his duties as a Muslim and did what he thought was most pleasing to Allah (swt). What does that say about us barely learned lay-people who are passing up priceless educational opportunities for the sake of getting married? If you are single, my sister, I highly encourage you to learn something new; every piece of knowledge you acquire will, insha’Allah (God willing), be a cornerstone of education and guidance for primarily yourself, and insha’Allah, your future spouse and children. And hey, if you decide to never get married or it’s a lifestyle that doesn’t fit, then you will still be an individual of knowledge, spreading your light wherever you go and to whomever you meet. It’s a win-win situation.

  1. Realise that Having Sexual Desires DOES NOT Necessarily Mean that You are Ready for a Relationship

This is a tough one. It would be laughable to deny that one of the greatest motivators for marriage for Muslims is…sex. And yes, for Muslim women too. Indeed, I’ve met sisters who’ve disclosed to me that they were physically ready for a relationship – but failed to display any other type of readiness beyond that. Sexual frustration is very real for Muslims, especially since we are commanded by God to abstain from any premarital sexual relationships. Can you imagine the number of Muslim females and males who are struggling with both their sexual desires and finding a compatible spouse to relieve these desires? This is probably one of the greatest challenges, especially for our brothers, and I’d like to take a moment for anyone reading this to make genuine du`a’ (supplication) for all of our Muslim brothers and sisters in the Ummah who are struggling with such issues. May Allah (swt) grant them a path of sexual expression that He is most pleased with – Ameen.

With that said, the truth is that just because you are physically ready to be intimate with someone, doesn’t mean that you are emotionally or mentally ready. Bluntly stated, wanting to have sex does not in any way mean that you have what it takes to fulfil the duties of a wife in accordance to the Shariah. Point-blank. I have personally met individuals who in no way exhibited any maturity to get married and yet were so desperate to do so in order to fulfil sexual desires. If having sex was the pinnacle of relationships, why is it that non-Muslims or Muslims who don’t practice abstinence are often unable to maintain one sexual partner? Is it not the case that after the haze of passion and lust has faded, what is left are two individuals who actually have to deal with each other? Truly, a relationship built on sexual favours will never last. That’s not love, and that’s not what marriages are made of. Again, why would Muslims who’ve had sexual relations in their marriages ever divorce if that was the case? You see, there’s more to marriage than the physical aspect, and I don’t know about you, but I’d hate to realise that my spouse only wanted to be with me in order to fulfil a carnal, base desire. How dehumanising is that? It’s also dehumanising to the brothers when we do it to them, my beloved sisters.

Sexual desires aside, I think what’s more important for single Muslimahs is to educate themselves on their reproductive rights within Islam; we should truly empower ourselves with the knowledge of what things like birth control pills, contraceptives, consent, or marital rape mean to us as Muslim women. We should also educate ourselves on sex within the framework of Islam; e.g. what is haraam (impermissible)? What isn’t? How do we communicate our wants and needs to our spouses without being shamed for having *GASP* sexual desires?

(Disclaimer: the following explicitly discusses sex/sexuality)

In terms of curbing sexual desires, the truth is that avoiding acts such as pornography viewing and/or masturbation is hard for THOUSANDS of Muslims out there! The first thing I’d like to mention in regards to that is: I don’t judge you, and I accept you. The second is a list of things that may help curb our very real sexual appetites (in no particular order):

  1. Keep yourself busy. One of my favourite sayings is: “an idle mind is a playground for the devil.” Don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable to satanic whispering as you are when you’re alone and in private. Go out – hang with friends, chill at the masjid, go to the library, start a new project or hobby, go for a walk, go workout, go do anything!
  2. Limit media intake. There is no doubt that most of what’s on T.V., the internet, music videos, and billboards are soft-core pornographic images. Alhamdullilah (praise be to God), I quit watching T.V. a long time ago, and insha’Allah I will write an article on how I did that one day. I highly recommend limiting the number of stimulating images that you see in a day. It really has an effect on your psyche and such images certainly get stored in your unconscious memory, only to haunt you at your weakest moments.
  3. Search for a spouse. But do so with the awareness that your spouse is more than an outlet for your sexual desires and is an actual human being. Once the sex comes and goes, there’s an actual marriage that must be dealt with for (presumably) the rest of your life. Tread lightly and intentionally.
  4. Speak with a counsellor/therapist. It’ll be amazing the resources you may be provided with. And because they are bound by confidentiality and are trained to be non-judgmental, you can speak as openly as you want and get a ton of shame and burden off of your chest.
  5. Try the Prophetic method. And fast. And fast some more – especially since it’s winter and the hours are so short! Also make tons of du`a’ for Allah (swt) to aid you. He is Al-Fattah, The Opener – have no doubt that he’ll find a way out for you!

  1. Never Lower Your Standards

Please, please, please, my sisters – set standards for yourself. Have a list of things that you will *never* compromise on when considering someone for a spouse. Now, don’t be unrealistic, but at the same time, exercise your dignity! I will share with you two of my complete deal-breakers: 1. Dishonesty (I cannot deal with liars or cheats) and 2. Smoker (this speaks for itself). These are just two of a number of deal-breakers that I’ve developed based on my personal standards and understanding of Islam. It’s important, however, to realise that you must also be fair. Don’t set your standards so high that you are setting yourself up for rejection and disappointment. At the same time, do not compromise or be afraid to set your foot down if need be. If a man is raising what you see as red flags – address that quickly! Trust yourself and your ability to decipher what you do and do not want for yourself.

Also, sisters, don’t be desperate. Don’t be willing to overhaul your entire life for the first man that comes knocking. Don’t throw those closest to you – your family, friends, etc -under the bus for an individual who knows how to say the right things. For the sake of Allah – be critical! Have standards! Assess the situation! I’m not saying be high-maintenance, sisters, I’m saying be like Khadijah (ra) who had her own set of standards that she measured the Prophet ﷺ up against (such as honesty and integrity) prior to proposing marriage to him! Desperation is obvious, cringe-worthy, and just plain sad. Trust Allah (swt) and never let go of your self-respect for anyone (this means not being afraid to say “NO”).

  1. Re-evaluate the Sources of Your Happiness 

If you believe, dear sis, that your life will only be complete once you are married and have children then please take a moment to re-evaluate the sources of your happiness. The easiest way to do this is to see whether or not you have tied your happiness to internal or external things. If you have tied it to external things such as a man, children, a house, etc. then indeed, know that everything in this life is temporary and that once any of these things disappoint you or disappear, you’ll be left in a deep, deep sadness. Therefore, your happiness should be tied to the internal – specifically, your personal relationship with Allah (swt); your heart and its connection to the One who created it. Never will this internal source of happiness leave you lest you die. And so, being connected to Allah (swt), despite the transient nature of a husband or children, will always leave you feeling happy and content, insha’Allah.

 

  1. Take Care of Yourself…For You

The final point, dear sister, is recognising the importance of self-care. Feeling and looking good are things that most people value, and there is nothing wrong with that! However, your focus should be on taking care of yourself for you (or even better, for the sake of Allah (swt), and not some imaginary husband.

I recently had a dear friend of mine point to her body and indicate that she needed to lose weight prior to getting married. That really made me sad; I’m a firm believer that any type of self-care should be directly for YOU. It’s not being selfish – it’s actually an act of love towards yourself.

Go ahead and take the time to indulge yourself in the things that give you a sense of peace and wholeness: whether that be a cosy bubble bath, a nice cup of coffee, some type of physical activity, hanging out with friends/family, becoming lost in a great book, taking care of your hair or makeup – do whatever you need to wind-down and take care of YOU. Self-care is an important element of life that has wonderful effects on the psyche. For me, one of my greatest self-care activities is writing (surprise!). Spending an hour or so on an article or poem puts me into a complete state of mindfulness and relaxation. I cannot stress enough the importance of self-care my dear sisters – try it!

I genuinely hope, from the bottom of my heart, that this article was a source of betterment for you and that it has helped you, dear sisters, to realise the beautiful realities of your existences.

And Allah (swt) knows best.


The muzmatch app is where Single Muslims meet. Halal, free and fun, thousands of members find their partner on muzmatch. Alhamdullilah over 15,000 people have found their partner on muzmatch around the world! Quality profiles, advanced filters, photo privacy, and cutting edge security make it easy to help you find the ONE.

Download now for iPhone or Android!

Source of inspiration for this article: Virtual Mosque

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52 Responses

  1. Mostafa says:

    Salam everybody 😊
    I have tired from not serious people! Allah knows my intentions that I want a serious relationship leads to a marriage upon to our religion’s rules so who is seriousle please contact via Insta: Mostafa.kamal2
    My area is: the US And Canada
    My age is 27 so I’m ok from 18 till 28 years old, hope to all of you all the best.

  2. Hasan says:

    Thanks I really needed that..

  3. Rafah says:

    Salaam. This was a wonderful and
    re- assuring read. The first 2 points left me in tears because deep down I know that’s true. I’m happy with being single after so many years of searching for a spouse. I know there’s a reason why. However, it doesn’t help when family and society tell you otherwise.
    I pray everyone’s finds comfort from whatever situation they are in.

    • Habib says:

      Asalamoalikum. I think mostly women here are also not serious, they are just looking for super Heroes, if you lower your gaze then I think there are lot of people who are serious but one thing is we should know him. Also remove your materialism thinking then it’s easy I think.

      • Aisha says:

        I agree with you as I young 18 years old Muslim girl I am actively seeking for marriage and I seem to get luck at first but then again people on here do switch quickly I feel as there’s not many serious people on this app

        • sohail ijaz says:

          Salam
          How are you Ayesha ?
          I live in paris and my family based in Pakistan, i am seriously looking for marriage within 2years i am 23years old, simple and good looking, if you are interested so let me know we can talk on WhatsApp or exchange email.
          +.3.3.6.5.8.7.8.4.6.3.7
          Sohailijaz48(@)gmail).com

  4. Ozman says:

    Wow that was awesome

  5. رمضان says:

    السلام عليكم ورحمة الله

  6. Emran says:

    Hi,
    Emran from Pakistan. Male 30 years 6ft fair complextion. Education masters. Never married. Willing to move abroad. If anyone good match interested tgan plz contact me whats-app 00.92.310.016.4363
    Regards

  7. Tam says:

    Subhanallah jus when I was making dwah to Allah i receive this. Perfect timing. I needed that. 🤕Thank you.

  8. Tired_of_rude_and_cringy_women says:

    STOP SPAMMING ME GODDAMMIT!

    If I want to read you femenazi blog, I’ll subscribe to it myself. But please, for the love of God, stop pretending that we have an unread message on muzmatch only to them show us a notification for a blog post!

  9. PB says:

    I REALLY needed to read this. You have put it so eloquently, and I can thank u enough

  10. S says:

    Alhamdullilah, the timing was perfect, I needed that. Thank you to the writer, amazingly articulate, open minded and blunt.

  11. Bushy says:

    Love it! Educating Muslim minds !! Much needed . Nice and refreshing .

  12. Kalim says:

    Salam all
    I have tried genuinely and written the truth in about and posted the original photo but didn’t help people are here for the fakes not the original
    Wallahi I am serious about the marriage

  13. Mummyto1 says:

    I know my worth & know what I’m looking for if I don’t find here it’s no big deal. I’m blessed with life and content with where it’s going inshallah.
    It is what it is and allah know best. 🙌🏽

  14. Mmmmmmmmmmmm says:

    The journey towards marriage should begin with the journey towards understanding oneself. And just as dishonesty is undesirable in a partner it is far worse when you are dishonest with yourself. Yes for the right partner we would be willing to compromise. But you need to be true to yourself before you can be true to someone else and ultimately to Allah.

  15. Hussain Ali says:

    Alhamdulillah this was good, thank you. Allah (sw) has written a partner for everyone you just got to be patient and make loads of dua insha-allah.

  16. Akram says:

    MashaAllah great sayings may ALLAH reward you jannah..aamiin.

  17. Ahmad says:

    I am lookingGood friend, and other is to be repentant and worthy of others. Good luck and good man.

  18. Ahmad says:

    Very good site

  19. Saami says:

    Lovely site but alot men with blurry pictures come casual sex

  20. Abu Hurayra says:

    According to hadis 3 things need to do on time:
    1. If someone die gave to earth
    2. If time salah need pray
    3. If your son or daughter come to marriage age need to be get married!!!
    But getting older too many ways to do haram!!!!
    According onother hadis marriage on that who you liked!!!
    If you are not meet that person fasting every day!!!
    May Allah help to all us find part of our souls amin!

  21. Pearl says:

    Being single and independent is the most liberating and character building experience in the world! If it were not for the thought of growing old alone, I’d chose to be single anyday. Even if I had to grow old alone, Allah wouldn’t burden me with what I cannot bear. That thought was also very liberating for me.

  22. Sarah Badran says:

    Jazak Allah Khayran… 💚amazing blog
    Elhamdullah happy that I am already following part of it.

  23. Naila says:

    JazakAllah khair. Thank you so much. It’s so important that we are empowered and value our agency. Thank you so much.

  24. Dewi says:

    Thank you for remind me 🙏😊..JazakAllah khair..🙏

  25. Mimi says:

    I really appreciate this write up, I was about deleting the app when I saw this update. I noticed most people here don’t like associating themselves with a Nigerian lady, not all of us are bad or wayward. I thought the app is for all muslims? Why then do we discriminate? Any ways, this app is cool but I’ve lost interest already. May God help us all in finding the One.

  26. Gbemi Akitoye says:

    Jāzakumullah khayran!
    It’s as if this write-up was done with me in mind.
    This is very helpful.
    Thank you very much.

  27. Sahil says:

    I don’t No why muzmatch u keep posting profiles of British Uk gals n gals from USA n showing to us from India wen u literally know they will not respond to Indian guys . Wts the use in showing their profile to us . Why can’t u get more profiles from India . Pakistan . Uae . Pls do that fr god sake . Don’t fool us . We r not here fr timepass . Wn u don’t hv matches from India

  28. Ahson Hussain says:

    I think most women on here want someone with college degree. I went the working route and actually do pretty well for myself. Problem is, no Muslim girl will give me the time of day because of it

    • Hussain Ali says:

      I understand that bro, same happens to me I didn’t go university but I still got a good job but that’s not enough. Allah knows best.

      • Abdulghani says:

        Trust me brothers it’s not with degree or no degree. Most women and perhaps men on this app are looking for perfection and only perfection.
        And unfortunately they don’t realize that perfection does not exist in this dunya!!

  29. Rez says:

    Alhamdu lillah I’m new to this blog help me through it see ifei succseed

  30. Tas says:

    People in muzmatch are not into serious commitment. I feel they are here just for the time pass…please muzmatch team make sure people are serious in finding their life partner before registering them.. jazakallah

  31. Arfa Begum says:

    Great article. I’m gland to have read that! And hopefully provides the readers with a noch for exploring ones cure values . Good to know 🙂 we are finally moving towards reality.

  32. Amir says:

    Very simple I’m keep looking forward to my Queen
    Will not give up baby until get you really need you as you need me lol.
    The application not give fully points to contact grills as
    Disadvantage of app
    I’m really believe be my self as bad as good
    Give me chance and I will tell you what you need and about me to lol
    The app not good to make real ……

  33. Morpheus says:

    guys go MGTOW. Women aren’t worth it anymore. Notice how most want the best but offer little themselves. Focus on yourselves and forget them. Slate me all you want but it’s the truth and more and more men are realising through tragedy created by women.

  34. Hasan says:

    I got it and I hope to find my wife to my future

  35. Abdulghani says:

    Great points made in this article, however the glaring points such as people seeking perfection (celebrity looks, lots of money, etc) when no perfection exists in this dunya. And the reasons why marriage is an essential part of our religion as Muslims.

    People are going about marriage for the wrong reasons, wants versus needs. And social media has only worsened the mindset. Even this app is more detrimental than helpful. I have been absolutely humiliated, disrespected and on this app for being a genuine quality person. I do not fit the “perfection” image. This shows the state of where unfortunately most Muslims are today. Dishonesty, lack of respect, pursuit of perfection and materialism is all what I have noticed in my countless attempts to find a quality person.

    It is not supposed to be so difficult to find a spouse. We choose to make it difficult on ourselves! You don’t complete your religion until you get married. Marriage is not easy and that’s how we are tested in this life, just like we are tested in many avenues of daily life.

    I started on this app to try and find a spouse. Now it has switched to seeing the glaring problems of the Muslim society in this generation. If don’t look at ourselves in the mirror and work to consistently improve ourselves it will only get more difficult to find a spouse.

    Single or married it’s all a test!

    Please respect one another and don’t be stuck in the falsified image of seeking “perfection” Go do something constructive with your time instead of sitting on this app trying to inflate your egos while trying to humiliate others.

  36. Azra says:

    Really needed this right now. I’ve bookmarked it for those times when I feel like I’ll die alone in a nursing home, lol. I’m not even on the app anymore cause I’m so sick of dealing with men with no personalities/no ambition/ones that clearly hate women/ones that send me videos, yes VIDEOS of their genitalia/get angry at me for not responding immediately/the list goes on and on. It’s truly exhausting and I am grateful for being single at this point.

    • senzubean says:

      Lmao MGTOW

    • Abdulghani says:

      Same here I have gave up using the app. It seems that it has brought out the sick people both men and women. And it is frustrating and exhausting to deal with all of this.

      Don’t take anything personally from the app. The app and the sick people on here is the problem. Don’t let this ridiculous app bring you down! Salam

      • Abdulghani says:

        In reply to Azra

        • Faisal says:

          Abdulghani: I very much agree with all the comments you have made on this post. I actually disconnected the app because women are not serious not this app. Just like on all the Muslim matrimonial sites, women just want money. Sometimes it’s blatant, sometimes it comes out after a while.

  37. sohaiby says:

    Call me crazy but we men, have made this world a difficult place for women to live. It’s true that men being so rude and creepy in such applications (coz most of them are non-serious and looking for sex only) and you can find the comments of some of those here as well. I request everyone to behave professionally and FFS don’t make this a place for creeps looking for ONS. Best of luck to all my brothers and sisters <3

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