muzmatch caught up with Wajeeha Amin, an experienced relationship and lifestyle coach to discuss why planning is key to a healthy marriage and how we can maintain love through it. This is the second in the series of #WajeehaTalks – where we will be unpacking different parts of relationships in the Muslim community.
Surely, we can’t plan for marriage before we have fallen in love and chosen the one?
Many people spend more time planning their career path than planning for their life partner—and yet, choosing a partner is the most important decision you will ever make emotionally, financially, and health-wise.
Healthy relationships are the single most important factor in determining our happiness, it’s a decision that lasts a lifetime. So yes we need to prepare, and we need to prepare well to be married, well before we decide to say “I do”.
Whilst love is one of the cornerstones of marriage, as a mechanism marriage is a manifestation of that emotion in a very practical and tangible way. We can’t help falling in love with someone, marriage in its most real sense is about compromise, collective decision making, and teamwork. As much as it’s a collective effort, both individuals must understand that the process can have radical implications for both their or indeed their shared prospective future(s).
The perfect marriage does not come ready-made, in fact, that is what completes half your deen, your contribution to the marriage, the highs and the lows. The key here is knowing what you need in a partner, what you value in life and what you bring to the marriage.
Healthy marriages vs Unhealthy marriages?
Whilst we are busy debating that there are more singletons than ever before, on the flip side of the coin more people are divorcing or staying in toxic relationships.
We all have this ideal of how our married life will be, however, do we know what a healthy relationship is versus an unhealthy relationship? If we found ourselves in an unhealthy relationship would we know what to do about it? It’s important because planning beforehand, asking the right questions and developing an understanding of what that collective future looks like can help minimise the probability of unhealthy relationships. Having purposeful and conscious conversations will help you to understand each other, for example he is a half glass empty kind of guy, and you’re a half full glass kind of girl, what does that mean for both of you if you were married? It might be endearing in the courting stage but in marriage will it grind on you? This is where honesty kicks in, be honest with yourself, don’t let the fantasy of marriage lead you of course and overlook the negative character traits showing up when you are getting to know someone.
Now more than ever just like we take training in all other areas of life this area is something that we need to seriously invest some time and effort in. We owe it to ourselves and our future generation to equip ourselves to be in healthy, happy long-term relationships. It’s the ripple effect if we are in healthy, loving relationships those are the skills we will pass on to our children. That’s got to be worth preparing for?
A little preparation goes a long way and it can save us our heart and time. That’s why I started delivering the Finding Mr or Mrs Right Masterclass as a way to equip people with the tools to not just find the right partner but to connect and keep the right partner, and to have healthy long-term marriages. I found that people who were sceptical began to understand more so the importance of mastering the skills to select the right partner as well as to prepare, plane and truly understand the complexity of what marriage can entail. It’s important to find out from those that are married issues, challenges but importantly the highlights in making a marriage work.
Remember, in anything you do in life to be successful you need to be committed, consistent and proactive to get the end result you are looking for. Take some time out to understand what your relationship style is. If it’s healthy and if it will go on to serve you in a marriage.
How to make my relationship healthy?
There is no denying it relationships can be hard work at times. Look around you and observe the relationships around you, I am sure if you are honest you will see some great examples and some not so great examples. Stop spending so much time focusing on external qualifiers. Successful relationships require something much more profound than just shared interests, age, career, money or physical attractions.
When it comes to maintaining healthy and happy relationships it requires you to make a daily choice – Leave your ego behind and act in the best interest of the relationship rather than just yourself.
If one party feels like it he or she has more power than the other, you should reassess and see what is going on, what part are you playing in the relationship. While concentrated power to your benefit may seem like the upper hand in a relationship dynamic, this selfishness leads to either a breakdown in the given relationship or sadly, abuse and exploitation of the sacred union of marriage.
A healthy intimate, functional relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control.
Mapping where you want to be with your dreams and aspirations for the union will help set and correct goals for you to meet. Find synergies and see how you can compromise or fit the contrasting goals in each of your visions for your marriage.
Always remember, respect is not given but it is earned. Be individuals that are mutually worthy of it and subsequently that bond itself will churn out productivity, ease, and love.
Did you catch the first blog of #WajeehaTalks – 4 questions about Muslim Relationship Coaching?
Wajeeha Amin is a Relationship Coach and is on a mission to equip people with the tools that strengthen love and care in all their relationships. She pioneered the Finding Mr or Mrs Right Masterclass and has been supporting countless singles to go on to marry and Marry well. She was a finalist for Asian Women of Achievement award for her work and is an Ambassador for Women on the future.
To find out more about Wajeeha and her work visit her website:
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