Muslim men! Where they at? Where they at!

MEN – WHERE THEY AT? WHERE THEY AT?

I am a young and independent Muslim woman searching for a potential spouse. My very close friends can tell you how they remember from the day we met how much I wanted to get married. I was as young as 18. Right now, I’m 23.

You would think that the chances of getting married are better whilst you are young. That it would be easy to meet someone you like in university or when you are travelling to different cities. That someone is bound to approach you because of your reputation and presence within the community.

Sadly, it’s not that easy.

In this moment I am mentally and emotionally exhausted but still refuse to give up hope. I have learnt a lot more about myself and what I am looking for in a husband going through the process. I also learned about the different personalities men have and how to suss out their intentions. But along with this knowledge and experience, I am more likely to end the conversation than figure out if a man deserves more of a chance.

This is the way I understand it: You read a basic profile of someone, they read yours. You exchange pictures. If there’s mutual interest, you have a conversation to introduce yourself. This may involve even exchanging numbers. At some point, you arrange a meeting with the parents. If there is an agreement between both parties, that is when you have the permission to meet each other more regularly to get to know each other – whether that leads to marriage or not.

When I decide to invite a potential spouse to come over and meet my mum, these guys act like I’m crazy or moving too fast or having high standards. Why? The real problem is that their parents don’t know they are looking for a wife, let alone even being interested in marriage!

The reality is that men use the same methods women do when looking for a spouse (networks, websites, apps, events) but with a different intention. I am the type to be straightforward and brutally honest with men so I can try to understand exactly what is going on in their heads. According to my not-so-scientific research, men are just curious about how these methods work and going with the flow to see if someone captures their interest enough to inspire them towards marriage.

Note how I strongly implied that they still cannot decide if they want to get married! So here are just a few examples of personality types to help you build your list of ‘red flags’! These come from real experiences and I have dealt with each at least 2 or more times, so you can be certain that this is all legit.

The Player

This guy is a sly Prince Charming. He uses his lame pick up lines and always shows up to flirt with you. He wants to take you out for an evening. Losers will make you go to them. The older and more independent ones might even offer to pick you up. This guy believes that he should be able to get to know you on his own terms and will make you feel guilty for pressuring him to talk to his parents about you. He is not clear about his intentions for marriage and gives you no real goals or plans for the future. The problem I have is less about him because I have a talent for cutting him off.

What is worrying is how many of his type I am finding in our Muslim community. It is so normal for brothers to ask me how long I’ve been single for – like haraam relationships is something I get into! They are so surprised and I often get a ‘Well done!’ It’s hilarious and offensive at the same time. If you haven’t noticed, we are in a marriage context and the hijab I’m wearing should also be a clear sign of my purity and fear of Allah.

Some player-types also have the audacity to give a religious lecture regarding issues such as Milaad and which Ahl-al-Sunnah scholars to follow, to later change the subject when they want to get a little flirtatious.

Pure men are for pure women – so BYE!

At some level and especially with the age group that I find myself in, I put the blame on sisters for lowering their standards and allowing such behaviour. Guys would not be persistent if they were never reinforced. Basic behavioural psychology! I guess it’s just easier for guys to realise it won’t work on a girl like me.

The Single Muslim Best Friend

This guy has been the most annoying for me. You have mutual interest and your conversation is never-ending. You learn a lot about each other quickly. He has a genuine character and is sincere in regards to his deen, whatever level he is at. The DTR (‘defining the relationship’) conversation happens and he reveals that there is no romantic attraction but he would like to stay friends.

That is completely fine. You should be able to have an honest conversation about your feelings with someone and deal with rejection maturely. However, in the situation where you were introduced in a marriage context, this guy needs to realise that a friendship cannot happen. Communication should stop but he is encouraging fitna by dropping you messages and forcing his presence after every few weeks.

If you are this guy, stop playing yourself. You would not be making so much effort to stay in contact with the girl if you did not have feelings or see a future with her. You need to pray istikhara and have a conversation with your parents about her and get their advice about what you should do – because in the end, they have the most influence over you.

Parent Trap

This guy is acting on his own account but will throw his efforts away according to his parent’s wishes. I have been in debates with many men about their views on marrying someone from ‘back home’ and almost always got turned off straight away. I’m not sure why men are more open to this decision than women are. And I’m talking about individuals who have been born and brought up in the UK.

However, the problem here is the attitude of the guy. He is arrogant due to his ‘options’. He is indifferent to you. You are trying your best to prove that to him that you are the best contender but there is still the constant insecurity that you are not his priority.

You can still respect your parents and their wishes but the way to do this is to have a conversation about expectations on both sides. In this way, the guy will understand what he needs to look for. He needs to learn how to focus on one girl and make a decision about her without having options to compare her to. If you are serious about her, you have to make your own decisions and fight for her. You need to realise she’s putting a lot more on the line than you.

The point of this post is to provide a reflection for guys so they can fix up. Too many of you do a lot of talking but when it comes down to it, never act right. If you relate to any of these personalities, you have to be certain about yourself and what you want. Be certain about your intentions and fear Allah. I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk to your parents, understand their expectations and work out a process with them – all before even putting yourself out there!

Another underlying problem is that guys are ambitious to think their parents will be happy with whoever they like. The guy will delay the process as much as he can to avoid parental pressure to get married without realising that he’s wasting a whole bunch of time, effort and feelings when the parents disprove of the relationship. As soon as you want to consider someone, take the matter straight to your parents. It will also force you to consider a potential spouse a lot more deeply because you don’t want to introduce your parents to every single woman you have on your contacts list, right?

In conclusion, I would still recommend using all the methods that our community has brought forward to help you in your search for a potential spouse – with faith that Allah will guide you to the right person.

Earlier I said I refuse to give up hope. On one hand, that’s because a true believer in Allah is always optimistic and trusts in His plan. But also, I did have one experience which made me feel respected and supported. Without delay or hesitation and after praying istikhara, our families met. You cannot expect every rishta to work out but I was still happy because he acted according to the process!

I have yet to find another example of an action man. But at least I know they do exist. So imma shout along with Destiny’s Child – WHERE THEY AT? WHERE THEY AT?

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58 Responses

  1. Mo says:

    An interesting read. Muzmatch team – I find you tend to put out articles which show men in a negative light which im sure other users also do not appreciate. It may be worth considering some of the experiences men have had using the app and how females show similar ‘negative’ qualities which have been described in the article.

    • admin says:

      Please do write one and we will publish it ia! We love hearing stories from BOTH sides

    • M.K says:

      I agree with you Mo but I can understand where the women are coming from – we’ve all seen the type of people referred to in this topic. The flaw in this article is that women also fall under the player and best friend category.

      The third option I can think of for women using this app (and the one that I have come across 100% of the times – 3 out of 3) are those that don’t make any effort of continuing a conversation beyond the “how are you stage”. The following day, you ask how their day has been … and they block you. Surely they must realise that continuing a conversation is just as hard for men as it is for them.

      @admin out of curiosity, how come swipes are anonymous? Surely, if we are all on the app for the same reason (and I understand that many people might not be and are just testing the water) we wouldn’t mind seeing who is interested. At least that way we know who is actually interested in starting a convo.

    • Superman says:

      I agree with the above. Almost all the stories have villianised men and presented women as pure Angels. Whilst this article is very well written and I’m sure true, similar problem (albeit probably to a lesser extent) exist amongst girls too.

    • H786 says:

      To be fair though, the pool of unmarried women is larger and also men by inherent nature are less expressive emotionally. If you have complaints or opinions to offer to help improve the process in terms of how women on these apps behave then by all means share them, we are all looking for them in the hopes of understanding you better anyway!

  2. Amna says:

    Salam, thank you for your post, it rings very true. Sadly, I too have noticed that A LOT of guys out there are trying to find a spouse on their own, which is fine, except that their parents have no idea they’re doing so.

    That makes the whole matching process really tedious because there’s always the risk of parents not agreeing to your choice even after all that effort. Most girls wouldn’t want to then get married in such a difficult situation.

  3. Saba says:

    You’re 23, still very young!! I am 31 and still struggling and people are now saying that I am too old!

  4. Azam says:

    Very good article, on calling some of the guys who ruin it for others. However in the same breath, I have to say that girls are no different, this is in no way me trying to defend or put the blame on anyone else. However using Muzmatch, I’ve come across plenty of girls who took the time to review my profile and swipe right, however when we did match, most do not even bother starting a conversation or replying to a simple “Salaam”… It makes me wonder whether they are even serious about finding a future spouse who they would like to spend their life with. I also understand that they keep their options open like guys do and talk with various people at the same time. However what has been implied upon guys above should also be applied to Women who are on these match making apps, sites.

    Just my 2 cents!!

  5. Kulsum says:

    Salaam.

    I love that you’ve brought this to light- as I’m currently
    In the process of writing something similar-
    I also feel like you do, and it’s so disappointing to find how many guys use this as a platform to just date casually and mess around under false pretences.
    Having been searching for A while now, I’m already drained out! It’s a shame that there’s many guys out there who use a religious platform to basically want to meet girls who aren’t religious and will be willing to go
    Along with their player ways,
    It’s just unfortunate there isn’t a way to screen both men and women with intentions like that.

    But as a girl you’re always expected to just go along with what is said and accept their terms and conditions Be it halal or not/ otherwise you’re ‘crazy’ and ‘backward’ with your thinking.

    ive had guys invite me over to stay with them to they can spend ‘quality time getting to know me’- when in reality this is not halal,
    When refused- resort to blocking me because it clearly won’t work with our different thinking- I think it may be worth while expressing this is a MUSLIM application- where ideally we want to meet Islam practicing individuals. Not pick up Muslims locally to just casually date!

  6. Rad says:

    Yup also have found this at the age of 35. These are the men that I have come across in my search, people who are just looking not really serious about marriage.

  7. Raf says:

    You forgot “Mr/Mrs Me Too”, the person that mirrors absolutely everything that you say and do, claiming to share all the same future plans/interests, only to discover later on that they are pathological liars.

  8. Azam says:

    Wow… Reading what people have posted on here. I guess some Men and Women alike are having a real tough time getting to settle down. Honestly it shouldn’t be this hard just to find a spouse, all I can say is that people don’t give up and stay positive!

  9. Mo says:

    All well with the observation of how some men purports to be, women are similar in some regards however most genuine men do not wish to by inference tarnish the image of Muslimahs here, therefore not post such article highlighting women wasting man’s time. The curiosity of some brothers & sisters and subsequent excuses and time wasting may come from the pixelated pictures.

    Congratulations to MuzMatch on pixelating profile pictures so there’s no window shopping. My question to muzmatch is why have such a high level of pixilated pictures? In the physical attraction criteria it’s obvious most genuine man/woman go for face type; oval, triangular, oblong, square, heart, diamond, etc. rather than precise physical features i.e. skin tone, nose, lips, ears, etc. Having a lower threshold of pixelation would in my opinion benefit in terms of anonymity for the members and prevent disappointment for the searchers.

  10. Luq says:

    Completely devoid of facts and evidence, this article is purely based on the writer’s limited and anecdotal experiences (which at the age of 23 is relatively minimal). Opinion is not fact and it is important to clarify that a negative personal experience does not equate to reality – it is a biased perspective exclusive to oneself. This writer’s adverse experiences with the opposite sex could be due to her inability to critique her own qualities. The people you attract may be a reflection of yourself….Perhaps a cold hard look at oneself and evaluating one’s own qualities (or lack of) could explain why ‘the good guys aren’t interested’ and you are left to base conclusions on the ‘less eligible’ cohort of potentials. Perhaps what you attract is a reflection of yourself? In which case the problem lies with the individual

    • Kulsum says:

      What you attract is a reflection of yourself?

      Maybe if you could view the conversations some of us have had- you wouldn’t be so quick to judge!
      I myself am the first to acknowledge my flaws- I’m no perfect supermodel- but I always remain within my respect. Which is why it’s shocking and upsetting when propositioned!

      Very ignorant statement to make!

      • Mo - Silhouette says:

        Both of you are to an extent correct, although the brother’s words are a reflection of his more senior experience, yet lacking the female viewpoint and the sisters’ experience. Ultimately the article’s author did not insist nor state they’re facts that applies to all men and we the readers need to acknowledge are aware that it’s an opinion piece making general statement.

  11. A.H says:

    Very good article. I’m sure lots of females can relate to this. How about when a guy asks you if it must be hard for you to find a potential spouse through an arranged marriage? I find it’s a very negative thing to say. Their are lots of reasons why people choose a dating app.

  12. Ahmed says:

    @admin again, these articles are very biased and sway one way. The premise is around putting men down. I agree that there are some bad apples with the male gender, but as the writer said; women are to blame for not drawing the line and just saying NO to these guys. Do any of these articles have an emphasis of Islam? Are we just cafeteria Muslims? It would be very wise if your contributors started their writings with a Hadith. God forbid that ever happens, seriously doubt some women have ever picked up, and read from Fazail-e-Amaal. Most of these profiles or women you come across are very telling of the type of person they are. Let’s also not forget that preserving ones sins or shorting comings of our brothers and sisters is something that is emphasized in our religion. We should teach one another in private that this so called behavior isn’t acceptable!!! Not by exposing them to the public. But again some of these writers rarely go to a Jummah and hear what that Khutbas actually say.

    Secondly, I agree with a few of the guys above. You’ll match with many women on different sites/apps that you’re potentially interested in talking to, but their follow up game is horrendous. As a guy it’s laughable to see their behavior during the week, and to read these articles Sunday morning. They’ll say hi, but the lack of discovering a person isn’t there. Like they want to see who they match with, to boost their egos. The reason why they don’t follow up is because they’re seeing someone on the side while “trying” to get married. I caught one red handed. Whosoever covers (the sins of) a Muslim, Allah covers (his sins) on the Day of Judgment. (Reported by Bukhari). What Islam encourages us to do is to keep it secret, the most we are allowed to do is discuss the issue with the person, in private, and try to encourage them to stop committing the sins. Unless someone is I jure or killed, or someone was denied something which they were entitled to. In which case we MUST make it public to bring justice.

    As a guy I’m tempted to submit my experience, though I doubt MM will approve it, as it’s quite long which really sheds light onto women that I’ve come across. What prevents me from doing what countless women have done, is exposing the habits and sins of women because that’s NOT what Islam is. That’s not what is socially acceptable. Classy people don’t find themselves in compromising situations. And then writing articles after it? If we enjoy spreading stuff about people, we must think about what we are doing. Do we really need a check list of red flags written by a 23 yr old girl? Come on!!! As a Muslim we should know what red flags are.

    EVERYONE, it’s a two way street. The same personality types exist for women but you don’t see men submitting rants about the women. Infact, the more you know about some “type” of women, the more you’ll realize that this article is applicable to them. Let’s not have a double standard for our Ummahs sake and cover one another’s flaws.

    Those who love (to see) scandal published (and) broadcast among the Believers will have a grievous Penalty in this life and in the Hereafter: Allah knows and ye know not. (Quran, 19-24)

    The verse above states that, Allah is warning all those who like to spread gossip about other Muslims to be cautious, because they “will have a grievous Penalty in this life and in the Hereafter”.

  13. A.R says:

    A fairly good read and I understand the perspective the sister is trying to bring, however she’s made some comments which I believe reflect a certain level of immaturity.

    What you may be looking for is far from what other people look for and different to how people go about things. To think your way is the only correct way is a little naive. For example my parents are very relaxed and would allow me to marry someone of my choice without any complications… So my intentions could be dead pure but because it’s not someone you would refer to as an ‘action man’ you automatically have ruled out numerous opportunities you may have.

    I feel to elloborate much further from a male perspective if Muzmatch would allow me to write an article to be published ?

  14. Safwan says:

    Hijabis lol…..met one who kept the hijab around certain people but would rock mini skirts on Saturday nights while getting plastered. Plenty of those whack job’s around. I’ve actually seen guys going back home and getting married. The wiser thing to do!!!

  15. Samer says:

    Dear all,
    I would like to thank you for this nice article. From my point of view, the best age for marriage is between 25-27. Yes, it is better to get married younger. I am using your application since Dec 2015 and I found beautiful ladies with nice profiles but unfortunately the majority of them have a weird mentality about long distance relationship. We are in 2016 where we can chat and see each other online via different chat application and meet each other is possible inshallah.
    Islam is our nationality and priceless we have, so if you are looking for rich or specific citizenship you are a fake Muslim.

    I wish all the best for everyone.

  16. Miss H says:

    Good article. I truly feel Muslim’s are finding it difficult because websites and apps are used in the wrong manner. Firstly people have adopted the western culture therefore are happy to indulge in sinful relationships so are looking to date. Secondly they have one too many options so they keep swiping continuously until they are speaking to loads of people therefore cannot commit to one person.
    I think there should be a limit on how many people you can match with and speak to at the same time to prevent time wasting.
    My comment applies to the time wasting male and females!

    • Mo - Silhouette says:

      Miss H this site/app already does put a limit on swipes feature per day. Yet your right that anyone can abuse the system by continuously swiping right (to show interest) then choosing at their own leisure to initiate or continue communication upon superficial criteria. I suggested above to include lesser pixelated threshold of pictures and like another brother a swap feature. The more well known established sites have more advanced features like shaadi.com (although not purely Muslim). However, this site is doing quite well by allowing forums and opportunities to make suggestions for improvements; more halal way in this day and age that prevents fitna.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Exactly! Just because a girl mentioned you to her parents it doesn’t mean she’s forcing you into marriage. SOME guys think that a girl is an independent thinker if she’s seeing you without the knowledge of her parents. If she explains to her parents about you then it doesn’t mean you’re compelled to marry her. It means she’s doing it the right way.

  18. Shuayb says:

    To those who are saying this and most articles on MM blog put men down: maybe MM management is female! 🙂

    • Mo - Silhouette says:

      Classic!
      War of the sexes :-s
      Then again on a different note feminism came to prominence with help of the male species.

  19. Amir says:

    Sad to say but with all these apps, websites there are time wasters on both ends. What’s more shocking is the religius bigotry that I have come accross. I sincerely hope muz match can relax the search criteria. It would be good if there was a picture approved option on both sides as girls frustratingly hide their pictures which is not fair. The girl who wrote this article needs a reality check the pendulum swings both ends and unfortunately the girls play the same tricks to.

    • Mo - Silhouette says:

      Picture exchange/swap feature on Muzmatch

      Hear, hear! I deduce you’re making reference to other sites that already have this option.

      • admin says:

        It’s coming. Bear with us ia

        • Mo - Silhouette says:

          Picture exchange feature

          It’s good to hear there will be a swap feature in’sha’Allah.

          I’m sure a lot of the members will be glad since both male and female tends to abuse the current one way sharing option. The conservative (small ‘c’) /traditional members can still opt to allow the brothers to show their picture first.

          • Jay says:

            Need to come up with other ideas that verify and validate one is serious about marriage.

            Other sites ie Single Muslim charge a premium for the membership. I’m not saying charge users but there has to be a way to separate the time wasters from the people genuinely looking for marriage.

  20. Deleted Muz Match User says:

    So my parents told me to wait until marriage for everything. Lol, and this is what I have to choose from? Divorced women, women with kids, women living on their own, and dating around playing a sinful game. Ha good luck to the Muslim Ummah. My parents were dead wrong.

    As another user said, 25 to 27 is the right age. Or even 22 to 30. Anything beyond 30 is dangerous territory. Sorry to those over 30, picking from the left overs.

    • sara says:

      I am 33 years old never been married. I was on muzmatch for a week deleted the app. How DARE you call me a left over. I do not play the game. If it is soo bad get off the site! See admin these are the types of judgemental men we choose from? Our prophet PBUH married even widowed women. Good luck with this attitude!

  21. Jay says:

    Wouldn’t kill to temporarily disable accounts with no photos until they upload a photo. I’ve come across so many girls with no photos. If you’re serious about marriage then you would at least have one photo up.

    Some want to get to know you and feel comfortable before uploading a photo. Just time wasting…

  22. Mr S. Alt says:

    Wow, so much salt lol.

    To the guy raging about divorced women etc; did you get any of those to choose from? And “sinful game”?

    Have you actually deleted the app then? Or still playing the sinful game at the bottom of the league? As the author said, keep hoping and you might just find some “left overs”.

  23. Tel says:

    Iv found some of my matches to be more difficult to engage in conversation than squeezing water from a rock. Women are fickle and studies have shown tinder-like apps have a lower LT relationship success rate, compared to other forms of introduction because its primarily used by insecure, image conscious females as a way to boost their self esteem.

  24. Luq says:

    The issue here is that generalisations are being made. ‘Guys being players etc’ are nothing more than baseless accusations based on sterotyping, subjective experience and concluded from a very limited sample of men (with a significant degree of observer bias – biased according to the writer’s and her allies experiences and limited perspectives). Imagine applying this method of forming conclusions. At an extreme standard it’s like concluding the behavioural traits of all muslims based on the acts of a group like ISIS…or you yourself being a clubber and going into a bar meeting muslims who may drink, then concluding all muslim guys are drinkers etc. and wondering why you attract muslim alcoholics
    Recognise that that your experiences are not universal and that there are plenty of decent guys out there. Then perhaps there’s a chance some of you might actually find a suitable spouse, rather than focussing on this misplaced self righteous vitriol about men being the root cause of your problems

  25. Poppy says:

    Interesting comments above.
    I’m 28 & looking to get married, it is tough but inshaAllah perseverance and sincerity will pay off.

    The author is a little young & possibly inexperienced. I’ve met a few men, but I myself do not insist on parents being involved until you know there’s something there. Otherwise introducing families over and over again is a lengthy process but I can also see the other side how time wasters would be weeded out.

    I wear hijab and consider myself practising but do not mind meeting someone initially in a very public place. The world has changed and sometimes you have to find the middle ground between doing things properly. I always mention to my family if I’m meeting someone and they are aware but this doesn’t mean they come with me! Major awks!

  26. Dania says:

    Being 34, marriage does seem rather impossible…. With every other guy wanting someone that’s in her 20s, the guys don’t realize that some awesome women are out there that are in their 30s. I had a few matches on MuzMatch, but it seems the guys never start talking… For two of those matches, I started talking only to have them both not message me back… It’s quite annoying and honestly a bit discouraging…

    • Basil says:

      Let me ask you the question in a different way, what if you matched with a younger Muslim man, lets say 25-30. Would you seriously consider him ? No. The same applies to men, it’s called a preference.

      • H786 says:

        So funny that’s the second comment of yours I’ve come across on a different article where you’ve asked a stupid rhetorical type question to which I would answer the opposite of what your rhetoric would imply should be answered!

        Yes. I’m 30 and I would totally investigate someone suitable even if they were younger.

    • Mo - Silhouette says:

      It could be because of various reasons, have sabr as there are so many groom out there.

      Conversely it can be difficult with man in their mid 30s like myself and so many sisters these days in similar age seek one year above yet doesn’t mind 5 years junior grooms.

      • Poppy says:

        That’s not true…I doubt women go for the +1 to -5 year rule when seeking a groom. Men my age (28) are still too immature for me and I seek a well settled man. Mid 30s are the way to go…never heard of a woman going 5 years her junior but you could be right, who knows!

  27. Mu says:

    The reason many guys from the UK (as I did) are not only open to the idea of finding a bride in Pakistan/India/Bangladesh is mostly to do with the women (in the UK) having ridiculous and fantastical expectations of men they want to marry. The whole process is typically a lot easier in Pakistan and even though there will be the inevitable passport-hunters the standard of women us guys can achieve in Pakistan is magnitudes better than the ones we could get here. It’s a no-brainer. Maybe try and be more realistic about what you have to offer and then the marriage situate here would not be so messed up.

  28. Tel says:

    Women here have been so influenced by the avalanche of social media celebrities hawking their “perfect marriages” via YouTube, Snapchat etc that they seem to believe their fantastical (delusional?) expectations of what they can snag in terms of high value men is only a right swipe away. I have way more sympathy for men being used/mistreated by narcissistic females than I do women who’ve endured the reverse.

    Women in their 30s complaining guys in their 20s won’t give them the time of day should turn their attentions to men in their late 30s/40s. They may empathise with your plight.

  29. Farah K. says:

    Maybe the women should just marry a non Muslim and have him convert. That way the kids could be even more messed up than the mothers. This only applies to the women with unrealistic expectations influenced by social media. These expectations are based on the premise that a marriage is what you post on social media for your fellow female cult members. Keep on mind guys, there are great girls out there as well as guys. But the vast majority of women have been corrupted by society. I agree that marriages where the male goes back home to Pakistan are more fulfilling and create a better environment for both the guy and girl. For all of the naysayers that claim the fraudulent premise of women there are wrong. Many women there are well educated and established and don’t need the US citizenship. So please don’t say that women there are all frauds. They would actually make better wives than some of the drama queens we have here. Those girls deserve great guys.

    • Muzmatch Gal says:

      I think this article points out certain kind of members who aren’t at all serious about marriage. And with so many comments from female members confirming this, there must be some truth to it. It’s not meant to stereotype males, as every girl knows there are great guys out there who are marriage material. Nothing about unrealistic expectations here – I don’t want a Hollywood-looking prettyboy (honest!). I would love to connect with a simple Muslim brother who prioritizes his Deen likes doing good actions. But honestly, when you swipe right with someone who would prefer to talk about every subject but marriage, it’s saddening. Thus this article!

  30. doesntmatter says:

    I’m surprised & saddened at the way muslim men are referring to women. Leftovers, & whatnot. Really? Is this what Islam is about? Age is a preference, & only that. We have the examples given to us by the Prophet pbuh. I’m looking seriously for marriage, with sincere intentions, however most guys I’m coming across have no clarity of what they want.

    • Muzmatch Gal says:

      I agree with you – these are horrible things to say to your fellow Muslim sisters. It’s also ironic because males who are so bold to say these things behind computer screens are using the app for the exact same reason as we are, whether they’re serious about marriage or not. On one hand though, whenever I encounter mean comments like this, I consider myself lucky that the person has revealed their true character. I’d rather know someone for the person they truly are vs. something they’re not. As much as I commend the makers of this app for their thoughtful services, I remind myself that it’s free, meaning anyone can join, so there’s no telling who you are speaking to. May Allah swt unite serious female members with equally serious males iA. This article really describes anyone who falls under these categories, both guys and girls. I for one know there are gentlemen out there – don’t lose hope ladies!

  31. Muzmatch Gal says:

    Nothing wrong with stating a fact if it’s true.

    This article does not stereotype all males, but it sheds light on some app users who would be better off on Tinder for example. I’m so sorry to say.

    First off, I would like to sincerely thank the creators of this app. It’s super challenging to find potential spouses in-person nowadays. I consider married friends and colleagues who met their partners this way very lucky. That being said, nothing good ever comes easy. I encourage every sincere Muzmatch member (female and male) to stay positive and hopeful. Even if you don’t walk away with a fiance, at least you’ve gained that much more experience in learning about people. But of course, I pray that those of us who are searching for the right person to find them when the time is right – and sooner rather than later InshAllah.

    I don’t think it’s courteous to “swipe right” if you have no intention of asking the right questions, or if you’re looking to chat about everything other than getting married. It’s a waste of the other person’s time, and frankly speaking, it’s a big let down. In so many words, this is what the article is stating.

    As a female member, I only have access to male profiles and so this is my experience. That doesn’t mean there aren’t female members who also aren’t serious about finding a husband. The article applies anyone who falls under the categories described. The point is, treat others the way you’d like to be treated. Be real gentlemen and real ladies towards each other, and InshAllah we can all find the person our hearts desire. Please and thank you!

  32. Muzmatch User says:

    A little suprised/disappointed with some of the guy’s comments on here.

    The bottom line is there are time wasters on both sides. I can only speak from experience however. The few men I’ve conversed with have been utter time waters. I’m always the one initiating and progressing a conversation. In the very few instances where the conversation is going well and I suggest informing the folks (not to lock each other down but as a matter of decency), the guy always clams up.

    I’ve not been looking too long but the search has knocked me for 6. I really don’t know how much more I can take. But this is Allah’s will and I pray that those kind, hinest, decent, righteous individuals find a way to each other with Allah’s help; whether it be through the medium of this app or otherwise.

  33. Ash says:

    I have to say guys are usually stereotyped and placed into a category of “they’re all the same”. This however cannot be far from the truth as their are genuine guys out there striving and emphasising their extreme efforts to meet a lovely muslim girl for marriage, me being one of them, however it doesn’t help when some girls already have a pre-conceived idea of guys just wanting to date which places us on the back bench and having to make more of an effort. Yes, undoubtly there are guys out there who are not serious about marriage and commitment and only wanting a causal meet up, but please sisters don’t shoot down those guys who are serious and who DO make every effort to keep the conversation alive for that slight glimmer of hope to hear those word from a Muslima “you seem decent” because guys like these are out there and do live on hope that one day…. Let’s not tarnish and brush guys all with the same brush, as if this is the case where does the hope lie in finding you’re ideal match?. What we have to realise is no one is perfect and personally for me I would love to fall in love with someone’s imperfections as well their perfections. Beleive it or not, not all guys look for a perfect Kim K body, all they want is to feel appreciated and feel loved. !!!Guy’s appreciate the elegant muslim sisters as they should be treated with respect that is and Girls please don’t shoot down every guy instantly, give us a chance and you may be pleasantly surprised. If you act like a Ladoo then expect to be treated like one as my Dear Mom would say. Stay blessed Amen ?

  34. Alqaqa says:

    the author of this article seems to have a mighty high opinion of herself, seems from the article that she is talking to non mahram men left right and centre but at the same time is looking for respect? maybe if she didn’t go to university to lose her haya, she would have proposals coming left right and centre from british born Muslim men, good men, stand up men. men who can handle. instead it seems she wants to be fully integrated with men, wearing a hoejab (I assume) to protect her modesty. the good men know a hoejabi and wont even attempt a proposal to her, because they know she has no haya. for a real Muslim man, haya is the essence of a woman. I assume this message wont be printed above and deleted very soon by the people of this article. im sorry to write this but girls like this are extremely annoying. make a mockery of Islam and sit there accusing the whole world of being wrong but don’t check there own actions that influences the bad behaviour that is exhibited towards them.

  35. alamin says:

    really nice article

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