10 Red Flags that a Muslim Player Won’t Marry You

Sarah officially started her professional career by working in a small news agency in her city. As a fresh graduate she was profoundly happy about her new job. She felt as if her four years of hard work had finally started to pay off. Throughout her time at University she looked at couples roaming around and taking care of each other. However, she had also witnessed some painful ‘break-ups’ and detachments. – the reason Sarah never believed in love before marriage.

At her office her thinking started to change a little as she genuinely began to develop feelings for her boss. She felt as if he too liked her in the sincere sense. They became good friends and occasionally went for lunch together. The boss told Sarah that he will marry her after 3 years. Over a brief period of 15 days her affiliation grew stronger. However, something irked her and that was his demand for physical contact. After a few pecks and hugs he apologized that he can’t convince his family for the marriage. Both of them agreed on remaining friendly colleagues, but even as professional friends the boss tried to provoke her for an illegal relation by requesting Sarah to meet at a private and secure place. This was an eye-opener for her and she realized that someone truly in love with her would never provoke her for such things. She knew that she had fallen for the wrong person. Although she used to cry a lot and the detachment has left her emotionally traumatized, but Sarah implored Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) for His mercy and forgiveness. There was no one in her life to share this pain with. Bismillah!!

“My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.”

Dear Sisters in Islam, Sarah is not the only girl who has experienced this. Many girls have gone through even bitter experiences that have left them emotionally shattered. There are so many sisters who get trapped in this emotional abuse and regret afterwards, even while knowing that these attachments can be painful if not bound legally (i.e through Nikkah) girls still get caught up. The aim of this article is to share with you the 10 red flags which can tell you that a Muslim player won’t marry you and there is no point of indulging in activities that will lead you to nowhere in life.

1.He feels uncomfortable when you talk about marriage
Whenever you try to discuss with him the future of your marriage with him, he tries to change the topic and gets irritated. He also asks you to think about it when the time will come. He is more interested in planning out dates and enjoying secretively.

2. He doesn’t talk to your Wali
He insists on keeping the relationship as secret as possible. Claiming that he loves you with all his heart and wants the best for you in life, he still doesn’t talk to your Wali (father/guardian) about the possibility that he will take your responsibility in the future.

3. He hides your relationship with him
A Muslim man who truly loves you would never keep you like a filthy hidden part of his life that doesn’t deserved to be shown to the world. He doesn’t want to declare the relationship openly. If he hides you from his family and is afraid to confess his inclination towards you then understand that he doesn’t plan to marry you.

4. He asks for your photographs without proper hijab
Any man who would know that you will be his future wife would never asks you to stoop down to unethical levels. Every man dreams of a modest and chaste girl, how can he push his future life partner to embrace immodesty? Think about it!
Anybody, encouraging you with ‘haram’ can never be your well-wisher in life, let alone being a lover. If he is demanding under-dressed photographs then bear this in mind ‘he will never marry you’, no matter how tall his claims are. You will be a temporary temptation of his life. Every man wants his wife to act with a certain level of dignity, if you don’t belong to him, you definitely do belong to someone else, do not harm your dignity out of stupidity.

5. He doesn’t care for your pain and worries
You are spending nights crying for him and hoping to hear just a few comforting words from him, but he is least bothered. This speaks volumes about his indifference towards you. A person who wishes to make you his spouse will own your pains and worries and have an empathetic approach.

6. Everything depends on his convenience
He talks when he wants to and ignores you for the rest of the time. This explains that you are just a leisure sport in his life. When he is too bored he decides to spend time with you.

7. With words
Genuine words aren’t hard to identify. He hasn’t even discussed the size of the wedding ring or told you about the dress he wants you to wear on Nikkah day – still you expect him to marry you – don’t get trapped!

8. Friends with Benefits
Some men use the word ‘friends’ to keep the relation going so that girls remain hooked up and they can enjoy their company. If he uses all chances to take advantage of you and even if it involves paying the bill at lunch then this is yet another red flag for you.

9. Doesn’t trust you with his secrets
If he is reluctant in discussing his past and doesn’t open up to you then believe it, you are not worthy enough. Had he been serious about including you in his life, he would’ve shared every single detail about himself. Not necessarily his past sins. But things that matter and life choices and incidences that are of importance.

10 Finally! When your ‘NO’ to his demands distance him from you
This is the final red flag and an evident one indeed. When you refuse to meet him alone or to fulfil his obscene demands, he would start distancing himself from you, just like a useless paper in his wallet.

Dear Sisters, falling in love the halal way is not wrong. Islam itself is a religion of love and compassion. You do have a right to decide who your future life partner will be, but getting involved in pre-marital physical bonding/infatuation will only lead to affliction. So maintain your chastity for the one who deserves you the most and promises to be your guardian for the rest of his life. As it is mentioned in the Holy Quran:

“Certainly will the believers have succeeded: They who are during their prayer humbly submissive. And they who turn away from ill speech. And they who are observant of Zakah. And they who guard their private parts. Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors”.
{Surah Al Muminun 23 : Verses 1-7}

Moreover, it is never too late to repent and retreat, if you have gone through this make sincere ‘Taubah’ and wait for the right man to hold your hand after signing the Nikkah papers ofcourse.  

May Allah bless you all with righteous spouses who will be the means of you entering Jannatul Firdous al Alaa.

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Source: http://www.theidealmuslimah.com/2015/06/22/10-red-flags-that-a-muslim-player-wont-marry-you/

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25 Responses

  1. z says:

    I’m a guy and I find this article very pathetic, sexist and biased!! I am appalled by the author who wrote this she should be banned. Firstly not all guys are like this muslim men. This author has clearly gone through a bad experience and generalised it as the entire male species. And she is now exspress g her

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m a Muslim woman who went through a similar situation. I wasted my time, money and effort on a man who had assured me we would settle and that we would remain friends because Islam didn’t allow relationships, up until we were ready to settle. Worst decisions I made in my life, I have no words for the pain it left behind. I realised that he was never going to marry me because he was having relations with a woman he assured me was a colleague. Turns out he is interested in marrying her. But life has a way of giving you what you deserve, so Allah knows best what’s in store for him. He insists on keeping contact with me, but I’m not one to tolerate such especially if one abuses my trust. I agree if someone is interested in you they should be willing to see your walii. I had previously denied a marriage proposal to a decent man because of him, I spoke to the man who proposed to me, I told him the truth and he requested to marry me yet again. See how Allah works. I haven’t accepted but I have asked him to let me know him first, build on friendship. I now understand love only comes after marriage. This guidance may seem stupid, but it’s only there to protect us.

  2. z says:

    I’m a guy and I find this article very pathetic, sexist and biased!! I am appalled by the author who wrote this she should be banned. Firstly not all guys are like this muslim men. This author has clearly gone through a bad experience and generalised it as the entire male species. And she’s expressing her own judgements to attempt brainwash other women. Just like women find it hard to meet someone decent, its twice as hard for a guy. I’ve seen enough to really know this. One huge advantage a woman has is that they have several guys interested in them for instance whereas a guy would hardly go get any unless he makes the first move (the girl may not even like him and he’ll have to go though the whole rejection process). Yes a girl doesn’t make the first move to retain her modesty and not to appear easy. But the whole meeting someone has disadvantages for both gender. I’d love to see this author write top 10 red flags against Muslim women?? Or is that being sexist…?

  3. Bashir says:

    Sarah seems like a bit of a naive wally I’m afraid. Far be it for us to judge of course 😛

    As I guy I agreed with most points, I too am tired of the ‘players’ who have made life difficult for us legit brothers. I don’t think it’s sexist but a little balance would’ve been nice, the tone does smack of bruised ego on the authors part. Asking for a ban is harsh lol

    Also in terms of seeing a girl without her hijab on, Im a little ignorant on the subject. I thought this was a brothers right to ask as it is equally the right of the sister to refuse? Unless the author meant requests for pictures in immodest dress and not just to reveal the hair? It’s not very clear.

    Also some typos (I’m not the grammar police!) But this required proof reading, dare I say this was written in a rushed jilted lovers fury? I hope not 🙁

    May Allah guide us all 😀

  4. S says:

    Why are the men on this site so quick to dismiss these articles? The author is NOT saying that every single man is like that. She is simply giving the warning signs of terrible men that ARE like this. And I’m sorry to say that I have encountered a man like this. In fact I’m in the middle of a relationship like this right now and this article is opening my eyes.

    What I think is important to note that this is not happening to sad naive women. This is happening to the smartest women as well. For me personally I am too trusting especially when it comes to Muslim brothers. When you meet someone, whether it’s in the community or a place like this site, you automatically assume that the man is a good pious Muslim that will never take advantage of your heart. So you believe everything he says despite these signs stated in this article. As a Muslim woman raised with good Muslim brothers and a loving Muslim father it’s hard to fathom that players would exist in our community. As a result we continue to be naive and to trust and to believe and to give and give and give. By the time you realize what’s going on you are too embarrassed and ashamed to admit it to your friends, your family and sometimes even to yourself.

    So yes we are very sure that mashallah great Muslim brothers exist all over this world. They should be celebrated in fact. This article is not talking about them. This is talking about the horrible men taking advantage of the trust of the women who think they are in it for noble reasons when in actuality they are not. This article really helped me understand that I am obviously not the only victim of such players. My fears that I tried to suppress are indeed valid and not in my head.

    When you ask for guidance from Allah and you come across this article in the same say then you know in your heart he was wrong all along.

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes.

    And brothers if you are not the player that this article is talking about then you have nothing to worry about. For the players and con artists out there that think matters of love and marriage is a game you need to fear the wrath of Allah above all else.

  5. D says:

    Why are the men on this site so quick to dismiss these articles? The author is NOT saying that every single man is like that. She is simply giving the warning signs of terrible men that ARE like this. And I’m sorry to say that I have encountered a man like this. In fact I’m in the middle of a relationship like this right now and this article is opening my eyes.

    What I think is important to note that this is not happening to sad naive women. This is happening to the smartest women as well. For me personally I am too trusting especially when it comes to Muslim brothers. When you meet someone, whether it’s in the community or a place like this site, you automatically assume that the man is a good pious Muslim that will never take advantage of your heart. So you believe everything he says despite these signs stated in this article. As a Muslim woman raised with good Muslim brothers and a loving Muslim father it’s hard to fathom that players would exist in our community. As a result we continue to be naive and to trust and to believe and to give and give and give. By the time you realize what’s going on you are too embarrassed and ashamed to admit it to your friends, your family and sometimes even to yourself.

    So yes we are very sure that mashallah great Muslim brothers exist all over this world. They should be celebrated in fact. This article is not talking about them. This is talking about the horrible men taking advantage of the trust of the women who think they are in it for noble reasons when in actuality they are not. This article really helped me understand that I am obviously not the only victim of such players. My fears that I tried to suppress are indeed valid and not in my head.

    When you ask for guidance from Allah and you come across this article in the same say then you know in your heart he was wrong all along.

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes.

    And brothers if you are not the player that this article is talking about then you have nothing to worry about. For the players and con artists out there that think matters of love and marriage is a game you need to fear the wrath of Allah above all else.

    Thank you for this article I hope it reaches a lot of girls.

  6. D says:

    Why are the men on this site so quick to dismiss these articles? The author is NOT saying that every single man is like that. She is simply giving the warning signs of terrible men that ARE like this. And I’m sorry to say that I have encountered a man like this. In fact I’m in the middle of a relationship like this right now and this article is opening my eyes.

    What I think is important to note that this is not happening to sad naive women. This is happening to the smartest women as well. For me personally I am too trusting especially when it comes to Muslim brothers. When you meet someone, whether it’s in the community or a place like this site, you automatically assume that the man is a good pious Muslim that will never take advantage of your heart. So you believe everything he says despite these signs stated in this article. As a Muslim woman raised with good Muslim brothers and a loving Muslim father it’s hard to fathom that players would exist in our community. As a result we continue to be naive and to trust and to believe and to give and give and give. By the time you realize what’s going on you are too embarrassed and ashamed to admit it to your friends, your family and sometimes even to yourself.

    So yes we are very sure that mashallah great Muslim brothers exist all over this world. They should be celebrated in fact. This article is not talking about them. This is talking about the horrible men taking advantage of the trust of the women who think they are in it for noble reasons when in actuality they are not. This article really helped me understand that I am obviously not the only victim of such players. My fears that I tried to suppress are indeed valid and not in my head.

    When you ask for guidance from Allah and you come across this article in the same say then you know in your heart he was wrong all along.

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes.

    And brothers if you are not the player that this article is talking about then you have nothing to worry about. For the players and con artists out there that think matters of love and marriage is a game you need to fear the wrath of Allah above all else.

    Thank you for this article. I hope it reaches a lot of girls who need it.

  7. x says:

    Totally agree with other comment about this being completely sexist and biased (like many of the muzmatch blog posts seem to be… written by women with biased viewpoints, if a guy wrote the same thing about women there’d be more of an outcry) and actually very offensive to most Muslim men. There are plenty of women who take advantage of men out there e.g. are not interested in marriage (or even the guy) but like being treated to expensive meals and outings etc etc, so issues like this cut both ways. And sisters, if a guy is slow, be patient, likely he is just taking time to make sure you’re not a psycho… if you prefer things to be faster, it’s always better to go the arranged marriage route via family/wali. 🙂

  8. Has says:

    No harm in writing about ‘players’ characteristics, since they exist in all walks of life, but the key word is ALL.

    The premise of this joke of an article is flawed from an Islamic perspective. The author is guilty of not laying down the well documented rules of per marital relations and free mixing in private in the work environment within Islam. All commanded by Allah in His perfect wisdom of human gender sexuality to prevent the physical and mental corruption caused when BOTH MAN AND WOMAN who choose to fall foul to their desires.

    So to say that men are the guilty party and label them as players is rather mysoginistic and typical of women not owning up to their guilt in the eyes of ALLAH, Who is the first and final criterion.

    Now let me lay down the rules of the lady (sister) player or ‘floozy’ aka seductress.

    1. CHATS WAAAAY TO MUCH about her feelings of hurt, insecurity and sob stories to receive emotional attention from a poor bro unbeknownst to her motives.

    2. Goes from Salams to HEY once she knows a bro is susceptible to her charms.

    3. Lowering her gaze around practising brothers she doesn’t know (yet!) but NOT non Muslim men.

    4. Happy to go out in private to lunch with any work colleague in the name of social norms and career progression. Knowing no one forced her to go in the first place.

    5. IF she wears hijab, well it’s the kind that leaves little to the imagination. But she intended that from the offset. MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL …Go figure.

    6. Split personality at work and around family. Basically Hilary Clinton at work and Mother Teresa at home.

    7. Open to befriending ANYONE online with no fear of who looks at her online photos openly available and abundant with selfies and the dreaded pout lipped pose.

    Now the sisters will read that and have a hissy fit, but such generalisations only confirm the ridiculous nature of this article when no foundation is written providing Islamic evidences outlining the prevention and cure to gender sexuality and innate characteristics.

    Essentially it’s always a two way thing, so the sexually perverse will prey on the vulnerable and the vulnerable will willingly become the prey (since every action is according to intention) if they let themselves enter into such scenarios since the heart is fickel and Shaytan is an open and deceptive enemy.

    May Allah protect us and increase us in Taqwa, Ameen.

  9. MB says:

    Hmm… I have to say, I found the content of this article quite disappointing. Agreeing with’z’ and ‘Bashir’, it does come across biased and very much reads as the author’s attempt at having a rant due to her own experiences (perhaps) – although I don’t think her intentions are to brainwash women!
    Yes, there is every possibility that – whilst on a quest to find a suitable spouse – one may come across (dare I say) several distasteful characters but, surely, it doesn’t take a genius to spot the telltale signs, e.g. requests for “immodest photos”.
    Perhaps we should approach meeting “potentials” in the same way we approach starting a friendship/making a new acqaintance in other situations, i.e. Would you associate yourself with someone who behaved in some of the ways mentioned above? Do the people you call friends possess any of these traits? If they do, surely you would not continue being in their company? It’s quite simple really.

  10. Tracy aka Basiim says:

    I totally agree with the last member who claimed that the post was bias. And as a revert English Muslim I witness too many females materialistic and expect way too much when their main concern should be if the man is able to look after the female he marry but much more importantly is his own Aqeedah strong as well as his Deen

  11. saly says:

    Salam,
    The artict was a response to my request; I have been choked by a SCAMMER on other website. When I saw this one I thought that all the people here are sincere but I have been surprised by a player who was asking for my personal information from the first day & he didn’t send me something to make me sure that he’s real not a SCAMMER! or player like the author said….
    The article is for these people not for the real ones or the not players…
    Personally, I don’t have time to waist looking for a real one; is more than hard for me to believe someone else…moreover, nothing happened to me like the author mentioned about that girl; I didn’t meet the guy yet just started to try to have an idea about each other. I cannot absolutely & under any circumstance do like that girl did…
    My allah guide us to the right path. Good luck

  12. Samuel says:

    Who the he’ll writes these article?
    I’m a male and I don’t treat anyone like this.

    This is discrimination at its best. Anyway, I suppose some parts of this article can taken as god advice but it should clarify that not guys are the same.

  13. N says:

    Yes I agree to the author. These are the red flages and girls should be aware of it. And most of the times they are aware courtsy their natural instinct but they still keep going on with the person even yielding to his demand. Reasons: hoping for change of heart and also it is emotionally difficult for girls to move on and trust another person.

  14. sid says:

    It’s all to easy to blame the other person there are players in both sex. Stop looking at relationships as a business transaction. Looking for the most educated person with the best job does not guarantee you will be treated right. Try to stick in the realms of Islam give people a chance and base the decisions on what will help in the hear after. No man or woman is going to be perfect but being in a harram relationship in the hope one day it will be halal is the wrong way to go.

  15. sonya says:

    this article is spot on, iv seen a few more online but not relating to an islamic scenario, this will help many women who have become trapped in a bad relationships, as for all these men crying about the article unless you have these traits i dont see why it concerns you the author has not at any point said all men are likely to do that if that was the case this app would not exist.

  16. MB says:

    A disappointing article: apart from its biased viewpoint, it also reads as a jilted lover’s rant. Some of the “red flags” are so obvious that it surprises me how anyone would not be able to spot these for themselves.
    “Players” and “time wasters” do exist but perhaps if we approached getting to know a Potential in the same way we make friends (in our day-to-day lives), we could escape the heartbreak/trauma. E.g. if your friends possessed any of the traits described above, would you continue your friendship with them? Probably not. Then why let these type of people come into your life and, worse, stay in your lives long enough to cause you pain and hurt? It’s quite simple really.

  17. Kin says:

    The author tells from her experience…one point she talks about Islam and other she is telling to freely mix..double standards..very biased article..I have read other arcticles and they are anti-men. Author should turn lezbian

  18. Abu Casanova says:

    I’m surprised that Musmatch.com has sent the link to this article to all its members with the title ‘one for the ladies to read’

    Both men and women can be players. It’s not something that’s exclusive to men only.

    It is probably better not to post rubbish like this in future.

  19. Ali says:

    I bet Sarah Kausar posted this one also. She should just reveal her name as the author like she did in her anti male open letters in the past. I bet where kids would be proud to know the type of work she’s putting her time into.

    Do you really want me to write an open letter about the red flags of Muslim women and how a large majority of them are two timing ladies, with guys on the side, yet looking to get married lol. Trust me, there’s a large majority of them. The signs are there, which is why they aren’t married.

    Do you really need to write an article emphasizing on the red flags to an adult woman? A pious and straight laced young lady should know better at this point in her life what a gentleman is like. Sarah Kausar shouldn’t be assuming the role of a parent and educating these intelligent women on the “red flags”. This information should’ve been gained at an early age from the parents at home and not some future rishta aunti.

    I pity the women actually placing weight on Sarah Kausars advice. There’s no religious reference to her work. And if women are applauding her for her work, then it’s a disgrace to there parents for not having instilled these values at a younger age.

    Islam is a religion and a way of life which is usually taught at an early age. If ones parents never instilled those values, then these frivolous articles are great for the Muslims that gain knowledge from unaccredited Internet bloggers.

  20. Bz says:

    There may be guys like this, but believe me I have seen women like this. Agreeing to marry, getting emotional and intimate. But not talking to family, keeping many options in their kitty and finally ditching the guy who insist for marriage; for some other rich guy or a mare Job excuse.

  21. Halal says:

    I have two older brothers and I can assure the sisters not all men are “players” !!! My parents have been looking for potential prospects for the last 5 years with the main requirement being the girl/guy must pray ect and be educated. I’ve heard my mum talk to so called rista aunties 3-4hrs a day, with the outcome being most girls/guys having a spilt personality 🙁 it’s unfair to paint both genders In a negative light as we are all different, some good, some bad!

  22. Ali Aga says:

    All wanna say girls alway blame guys but to be honest girls are the only reason why guys become bad,being in a relationship a boy totally change himself for a girl,and he do everything possible to keep the girl happy and then when the guy ask to girl to marry him ,the girls come up with stupid excuses that their parent won’t allow and shit but the main reason is girls want to get married to a guy who is rich ,money is all that matters to them,no matter who good you’re and you have everything in you but if your not rich then sorry forget the girl,they say so many things but end up marrying a brat who only have money and when they don’t find love then they regret and look for a younger guy and that’s why they become sugar mama,it true and girls stop blaming guys,because of you girls good guys end up doing stupid and haram things,I have experience it here in this site no matter how nice you’re how good looking you’re girls are looking for a rich guy no matter how bad he’s all you need to have love in your life is money ,

  23. Mina says:

    This is just a post. Why is everyone getting so defensive?because its the truth?
    It does not say all men are like that so why get your beards or brows in a twist about it.
    I agree with the post. Women do have to be very careful of men like this. I have come across some already on the app that claim to be looking for marriage when they are already married and are looking for abit on the side. It is discusting tbh and all I can say is allah will deal with such people. I was lead on by a man too who claimed he was single and we got talking on single muslim but I found out he was married and told him to jog on. I thank allah I found out.

  24. KeepingItReal says:

    Here’s an interesting observation. This article is titled ’10 Red Flags That A Muslim Player Won’t Marry You’. It’s not gender specific in the title. Then as you read the 10 red flags, the author mentions several times ‘he’. Although this author didn’t say all men are players, it is still biased and implying that only men can be players. Perhaps to even it out, ‘she’ could have been mentioned in some of the red flags instead of ‘he’ throughout.

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